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A Change I Will Never Forget
Have you ever gone through a change in your life? Did it take a lot of bravery and courage for you to overcome any difficult changes in your life? Does change to you seem like a very hard concept that you often just don’t want to think about?. Well this is because people seem to get into a routine with their daily lives and often they don’t want to look past their everyday familiar lives. People seem to settle in a sense and their lives are good and they are happy with the way things are. They fear change because change brings the not knowing of what to expect and people always seem to want to know exactly what to expect in their lives. I’ve gone through many changes in my life. Some changes were easier to adapt to then others. Only one of the changes in my life was the most dramatic change I have ever experienced in my life that I will never forget and took a lot of courage and bravery for me to overcome.
While I was growing up I lived in Staten Island, NY in a nice cozy two family house. I lived with my grandparents, mom, and sister. I was always extremely close with my grandmother. Her name was Nancy and she was known for her bright red lipstick, funny jokes and strange patterned shirts. She was 5’5 and slender with a little stomach from at the sweets she loved to eat. She had the biggest heart and always seemed to know how to make me smile. She was a second mother to me and my best friend. She took me to school everyday from kindergarten to junior high.
When I was in kindergarten I would walk with her to my school 4 blocks away hand in hand telling her all the stories of what I watched on TV and where I wanted to go after school. She would listen to me with so much interest. My grandmother’s bright brown eyes would light up as I told her about my friends in my class.
She was at every dance recital, talent show, and any other invent that was going on in my life. My grandmother brought me up and made me the person I am today. She wanted the best for me and by the age of 5 she had the concept of me going to college imprinted in my brain. Weather it was by playing monopoly and only giving me the option to go through college on the board game or reading me story books about people that went to college, she taught me at a young age that I can be anything I wanted to be. As I got older she never stopped being a mother to me and I never could see the day when I wouldn’t have her there for me.
When I was about sixteen my grandmother got very sick. I didn’t think much of it because she got sick often and she always pulled through. She was in the hospital for about two weeks and diagnosed with a heart problem. I was so happy when she finally came home. I helped take care of her since she was still sick and not feeling very well. She would always wake me up in the middle of the night and ask for a glass of water.
One night just like many others she came in my room at about one in the morning and woke me up. She told me “my heart is bleeding”. I told her it wasn’t and she just needed some water and rest. She looked very pale and her eyes weren’t as bright as they usually were. She had lost some weight and no longer had that stomach she use to have and her skin looked like she had aged more then ever. She gave me a hug and told me she loved me and I didn’t think much of it and sat her on the coach with a glass of water.
Then she started to gasp for air and told me she couldn’t breath I quickly called 911 and woke everyone up in my house because she was scaring me. There was nothing anyone could do it was her time and no medicine, doctor, or hospital could stop what was happening. Right their in front of me she passed away and their was no way anyone could help her. This one moment was the start of a huge change in my life that was going to take a huge amount of bravery and courage in order for me to overcome.
At first it didn’t hit me how different my life was going to be from this point on. I think this was just because I was in shock and my mind didn’t want to believe what had just happened. At the funeral I had to be strong for my mother who was destroyed and my younger sister. I made it my part to not show them how much this was hurting me because they were hurting enough and I didn’t want to add to it. At the funeral I didn’t shed a single tear but it was all building inside.
After about a month it all set in she wasn’t their and I missed her so much. The coach that she was always at was empty. The laughter in the house was gone. Her silly shirts that she use to wear were just all sitting their in her closet. Her red lipstick stains on the coffee cups were no longer their. All I had were pictures and the memories in my head and no best friend to talk to tell how I was feeling.
Whenever something was wrong I would go to my grandmother. I didn’t no who to go to now and it all hit me and made me just break down and go to my mother because I needed someone to talk to. That day I cried in her arms for what seemed like hours and then we started to talk. My mom and I were never very close but we both felt the same way about my grandmother and this gave us something to talk about. We both opened up to each other that day and it was the start of a much closer relationship for my mother and I. I also felt a lot better once I let all my feelings out and explained to my mom how I felt. My mom told me she knew it was hurting me and it just takes time to be able to talk about it.
As time went by it never got easier. The house was always a reminder of my grandmother; the walls seemed to close in memories of her in each and every room. I seemed to miss her more and more as the days went by. I missed a lot of school because I had no drive or motivation to go. I quit dancing school because I couldn’t bear her not being at the recitals or practices. I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and hide from the world because it felt like my world had been destroyed.
After awhile it hit me that I had to be brave and strong and somehow move on. I thought to myself that she wouldn’t want me to stop my life. She always wanted the best for me so I started to attend school everyday again and I decided to do well in school for her. I always wanted her to be proud of me so I made it my part to work hard and make her proud of me. This took a lot of bravery to look at things this way because I missed her so much and it was hard to face the reality of never seeing her again. I kept on pushing to move on and not dwell in pity or feeling sorry for myself.
I moved on with my life and got through this very difficult change. Now three years down the road and I am in college right where she wanted me to be. I have a very close relationship with my mother that I cherish. I have a job and I have many goals that I know I will reach. I also know in my heart that my grandmother would be very proud of me if she was alive today and her being proud of me is what makes me get through each and every day without her. I also realized that along the way I learned and grew from this experience because I had to become a very strong person for being able to move on with my life and to overcome this dramatic change.