The Fall of Humanity | Teen Ink

The Fall of Humanity

September 25, 2009
By DeathReborn BRONZE, Roswel, Georgia
DeathReborn BRONZE, Roswel, Georgia
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

The night was silent; not a man dared to speak. It is against the unwritten rules of war to make a sound before combat. Never has a man broken this rule and never will it happen.

We waited for what seemed like hours until finally we heard the sounds of hooves beating against the ground. My men formed in their ranks and readied their spears knowing only death could fallow yet they were unafraid.

My heart sank as I looked upon the enemy. Their skin was as pale as death and sharp fangs grew from their lips. Fire erupted from their horses mains as they slowly trotted toward my men.

When they finally reached the front lines, they charged. They slashed through my men with claw and steel. “Fall back!” I yelled. But it was too late. My men lay dead, and those that lived were on the ground with blood spewing from their wounds.

Alone I fell back to the second line where the men were waiting. I gave them the order to charge, but within moments of reaching the enemy they were only a fountain of blood.

The enemy then surrounded me. As they slowly walked toward me, I felt scared and alone. The only thing that comforted me was the fact that it would all soon be over.

Their leader stood before me. All I could do was close my eyes and wait. I then felt cold steel slide through my flesh like a knife through butter.

I fell to the ground and knew I had failed humanity.

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This article has 15 comments.

on Mar. 3 2011 at 7:18 am
CrazyKid56 BRONZE, Fredericksburg, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 20 comments
Man this is a great story considering i don't ever see any stories about the dark ages or anything like that. Please keep writing more about this stuff because your great at it and like i said before nobody ever writed about this stuff... You should also check out my story "Under Siege" 

on Dec. 5 2010 at 2:12 pm
AaronLawrence SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
9 articles 5 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
I may be an idiot, but i'm not stupid

Until you change me enough that i'm convinced I need to change, I won't change

Your writing style is beautiful.  Spelling error-you put down fallow instead of follow on line four, this was the only one could find though.)  The story itself seemed a little open ended, i thought it would have been funny since his only relief was death, if the enemy had been like, "I think we should take this one as hostage." 

on Jan. 19 2010 at 12:28 am

on Dec. 5 2009 at 3:32 pm
WriterA.M. PLATINUM, Denver, Colorado
40 articles 0 photos 58 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Ignore corruption and achieve perfection"- me

Cool story. Hope you don't mind me posting a bit of my story.

Somewhere not too far off Andrew could hear firecracker like machine gun fire coming from the helicopters. Stacey cupped her hands over her ears in an effort to drown out the noise. Daniel pulled into a street that had a limited amount of trees giving a clear view of the helicopters up in the sky. The terrifying swishing of rotor blades buzzed behind the truck like hornets. More helicopters were coming! "Look it's our militia!" Andrew exclaimed ecstatically. National Guard helicopters swooped over head. They were deadly war machines, yet he welcomed their presence which gave him a feeling of hope. They were like four guardian angels on a mission to rid the town of the flying menace.

One of the helicopters turned on its side with grace. A rocket erupted from the right side and streaked toward an enemy chopper. It scored a direct hit on the enemy helicopters tail rotor. The explosion was massive, the rocket had to have been fired by an RPG-8. The chopper spiraled out of control spinning wildly, blackening the sky with coils of smoke streaming from its destroyed rotor. It spun sharply to the left and crashed into another chopper. Both choppers were crashing to the ground at angles as the pilots tried in vain to regain control.

They lost visual of the falling helicopters when they disappeared below tree level. The crash of metal confirmed the kill.

mcbridet said...
on Nov. 1 2009 at 7:59 pm
I really liked this piece. First, you gave awesome descriptive detail that gave me an amazing picture in my mind. You also gave the thoughts of all of the soldiers as they waited for the approaching enemy. You could have explained what the enemy was though instead of just putting, "fire erupted from their horse's mains".

laxbot BRONZE said...
on Nov. 1 2009 at 7:08 pm
laxbot BRONZE, Freehold, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
I like how the person put me in the action

on Oct. 28 2009 at 3:34 pm
Skaterkid797 BRONZE, Carrollton, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't think of the past it brings back tears don't think of the future it only brings fears just think of now and be happy."

great story real nice details

sherbinej said...
on Oct. 25 2009 at 10:13 pm
I really enjoyed this piece; it was very entertaining and descriptive. Like when you said that, "I then felt cold steel slide through my flesh like a knife through butter." I thought that was a good use of a smiley. Also I thought the story was a little short maybe could of add more about the army and there men. Over all good story, hope to be able to read more.

Griecon said...
on Oct. 22 2009 at 4:56 pm
I really was entertained by this piece. The way you talked about the front line and the second line gave me an image on the setting. But what i did not understand was that all of the people in both lines died before you could speak. I though it was a great piece overall that dragged me into the story, was nicely detailed, but I wish that it could have gone on a little longer.

pablo said...
on Oct. 22 2009 at 9:54 am
nice and bloody detailed cool :)

on Oct. 21 2009 at 12:20 pm
Mocahking SILVER, Wesminister, Maryland
6 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've got 100 steps to go, tonight I'll make it 99- Superchick
I love music, can't imagine bein here without it, so turn it up, let yo neighbors all hear about it!- TFK
I have trouble placing my vision within the bounds of reality- ME!!!! :)

The best part is that there is no background, you got that part down fine =)

the old lady said...
on Oct. 16 2009 at 7:11 pm
Great plot, with a enough detail added you could write a full length novel

troy56 said...
on Oct. 16 2009 at 5:07 pm
nice story i really felt like i was in the story

on Oct. 16 2009 at 3:29 pm
DeathReborn BRONZE, Roswel, Georgia
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Thank you for enjoying my story. I am sorry that it wasn't long, and will take that into consideration next time

on Oct. 16 2009 at 3:20 pm
mitrashi BRONZE, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Even though this article was short, it really dragged me in. It was nicely detailed. I just wish it could've gone on longer.