Sully And Moe Join The Armed Forces | Teen Ink

Sully And Moe Join The Armed Forces MAG

By Anonymous

   Intergalactic Military Base 2490

"Do ya think this is a good idea?"

"Yeah, but do you think we will be any good? I never pictured myself in the military."

"Listen, Moe! We have nothing! When our planet was destroyed by those Upungans (Ya-pung-guns), so was our house, our family, our possessions, our friends and OUR INSURANCE COMPANY!"

It was easy to see that Sully and Moe were brothers. They both had large moustaches and were both dressed rather plainly. Basically, the only difference between their looks was that Moe's hair covered his eyes and Sully's stuck up.

"I guess we were lucky to be on this planet on vacation."

"We're next," said Sully as they stepped to the enlistment booth.

"We're here t-"

"Just fill out the forms," the enlistment officer grumbled as he handed them a brochure, two forms and a pen.

Sully and Moe walked to one of the conveniently located desks and sat down. The brochure made them want to be in the military with great enthusiasm and the application form did the opposite. The pen had "BE A HERO; JOIN THE MILITARY" engraved on the side.

"Hmmmm," they hmmmmed as they twiddled their mustaches and scanned the application forms. Half of the questions on the forms were about what to do in the event of their death. Moe chose a blue bodybag and Sully chose a red one.

After a few minutes Sully said "I'm finished. How 'bout you?"

"We only got one pen," Moe reminded him. Sully gave it to him.

"Finished," Moe announced minutes later. They gave their forms to the enlistment officer. The enlistment officer fed them into a machine.

A light on the machine brightened with the word "PROCESSING."

Moe twiddled the pen, wondering why it didn't have one of those buttons on the end of it to make the writing part come out. The tip was already out but Moe knew how to click the clickable pens to play the tune to "Hey Jude."

Meanwhile, crawling through the ventilation shafts, not far from them, was Justin Case. Dressed in black, with spiffy equipment, skills of an assassin and hired by the Upungans. They told him to get the pen with "BE A HERO; JOIN THE MILITARY" on it (all the other pens had "Ace Pen Co." on them) for when used correctly, it bestows the power of ....

"Won't this "PROCESSING" light ever turn off!?!" Sully screamed. Moe began doodling with the pen.

"Sssss" went his laser as it cut away one panel of the ventilation shaft. He kicked it open and saw two armed guards, watching the entrance of the enlistment booth.

"SHNIZELKLUMP" Sully said (it was a popular expletive at the time). Moe wondered what was inside the pen.

Justin Case jumped down in front of the guards, shooting two gun-shaped guns in his descent.

Sully glared at the "PROCESSING" light, hatred in his eyes. Moe began unscrewing the pen.

The first gun fired a net that stuck one of the guards to the wall. The second gun shot an electric beam that miniaturized the other guard to one inch tall.

Sully looked up and said "I wish something exciting would happen." Moe opened up the pen and little electronic chips spilled out. "Dominoes!" Moe exclaimed and he played with them.

Justin kicked in the door.

Sully and Moe turned around to see that someone kicked in the door.

Justin looked on the floor and saw the empty pen shell. "W-where's the electronic chips?" he asked nervously.

"There were no electro-thingies in there," Moe said, "just dominoes. See, I made a moose."

Justin Case saw the rather valuable and powerful object which he had pursued for a sizeable portion of his life mashed into the shape of a moose. Moe then held it above his head and ran around the room yelling "MOO, MOO!"

Justin then put his non-lethal weapons away. He pulled out a machine gun.

As Moe encircled the guy who was shooting at him singing "I've gotta moose and it goes moo," the enlistment officer reached under his desk, pulled out a tranquilizer gun, and yelled "FREEZE!"

Justin turned to shoot at the enlistment officer (his reasoning was that a gun would probably do more damage than a toy moose), and fired. Some of the bullets hit the form processing machine (right in the CPU). However, he soon was greeted with the tranquilizer dart (the officer was good). He fell.

The "PROCESSING" light went off. The forms popped out. At the top of the forms read:

Sully and Moe: Approved

Starting rank: Second-in-Command/General

You could hear Sully and Moe smiling.

Three weeks later:

"General Moe, the moose-shaped star fighter you wished to be constructed is complete," said the production leader.

"Good," said Moe.

They were in a great big office with tons of comforts. (In fact, they were sitting in two of the most comfortable chairs in the universe.)

"Eh, production guy," said Sully with an evil tone in his voice, "did you every realize how much nibby sounds like hit me?"


"Well, okay!" Sully said as he punched the production leader out cold. He was allowed to do that because he was second-in-command.

"Hey, Sully."


"Do you think this second-in-command stuff is changing us?"


"Would you mind if we gave it up."

"What are you getting at?"

"Let's steal the moose ship and travel to an undiscovered planet and live there because, quite frankly, I hate war."

"Sure," said Sully, not even thinking.

They walked into the hangar where the moose ship was being stored and yelled "EQUIPMENT TEST!!"

Moe danced on his toes when he saw the ship. It was a giant metallic moose shaped, 150 meter long starship. They entered the bridge. The control panel was so shiny that they could see their moustaches in it.

"Blast off!" Moe yelled.

The colossal moose boosted out of the hangar while its landing gear let out an ear aching "A THUMPATA THUMPATA" (large moose feet) as they blasted off into deep space.n

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i love this !