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“I never thought IT could happen”
As I used to live in the big apple, New York, which I loved, I never expected to move anywhere else. When my daddy told me the news that I was going to live with another family as part of a student program in Dallas, Texas, I couldn’t move even a fraction of an inch. He was so scared with my expression, that he automatically changed his. So that it became warm and soft again. I could see in his eyes a dash of regret.
He always had explanations for everything, except that. I actually didn’t think it was reasonable. He just told me that it was for my future and it would be wonderful to get away from the big city. He also said to me that he wanted me to go alone and become more independent. I didn’t like it at all. Actually, I hated it. I had all my friends here and I didn’t want to leave them all behind. But he had already made a decision and wouldn’t change it.
My face was unsurprised as he passed his soft and cold hands through my dark brown smooth hair, trying to calm me. I’ve got to confess, I was freaking out. He was always very careful not to hurt my feelings … but now, he had done it.
When there were two weeks left until my trip, I became more and more concerned about him. He discovered recently that he had a benign tumor in the brain. Well, that’s what he’d told me. Dr. Wilson said that he needn’t worry about it. But I had my doubts about his health. I was also concerned because he always wanted me close by since my mom had passed away. I had no clue, then, why he ordered me to leave town.
I had always been an obedient girl and never questioned anything he said. As usual, I just followed instructions: packed my things and waited for the day to come. Obviously, I was really upset because I’d have to leave all my relatives… but I did it.
It was time, time to leave New York, dad… I wish he could read my mind to listen to what I was thinking at that exact moment. I was screaming inside “Please, DON’T DO THAT TO ME”. And just then, he would taste regret*. By the time I was dressed, my dad was already inside our Mercedes, ready to go to the airport. I had everything done, organized. On the way, there was complete silence... we didn’t speak a word. I was too upset and he seemed to be too.
He kissed my forehead and turned around. He didn’t seem to stand one moment apart from me, because he turned back five second later. I was too far from him to tell him ‘I love you’, but he could see it in my eyes… When I was further away, I saw a tear rolling down his pale face. I was tearing up too and I know he noticed, because he started crying harder…
I was wearing a beautiful pale blue dress; what an idiotic choice! On the airplane, I sat beside a harmless old lady that slept during the entire flight. I was pretty bored, but fortunately, I had my Ipod in my hand luggage. When I stood up to get it, guess what happened? Exactly, it fell over the floor. By the time I was picking the things up, I saw an uncommon envelope that seemed to be from my dad’s office. It started like this:
You know I love you and I am really proud of you. I didn’t want to push you away. Well, it’s complicated. Just don’t be mad at me, it’s for your own good. Dr. Wilson called me a week before I decided you were going to leave. It took a while for me to think of what to do. Then I decided that to keep you apart from me would be the best thing. You suffered so much when your mom died from cancer that I chose not to make you cry again. But then, after I decided to send you to Dallas, I realized I should tell you somehow. Unfortunately, I wasn’t strong enough to tell you myself, so I decided to write you a letter and put it in you baggage, so that you would read it when you arrived. If you are not at your destination yet, please, don’t come back…
About what I was going to tell you, it’s sad, but I’ll be fine. Dr. Wilson told me there was a huge mistake in my tests and that what I had wasn’t a benign tumor; it was much more painful. I have cancer… I will have to do chemotherapy and all that stuff. I’m feeling really good actually; I was just acting strange lately, because I didn’t want to make you leave… I’m so sorry Annie,
I Love You Darling
George, your dad…
It was just too overwhelming for me to understand. I really needed someone who could help me get through all these troubles. But two seconds later, I found myself wanting to be alone. It was just too hard for me to open myself up to anyone else but me.
If I could just figure out all the truth that is hidden inside people, it would get a lot easier to understand the things outside them. I was really trying to understand why he did that to me.
I wasn’t sure if I could trust anyone else enough to tell them. I really thought that it was the best way…
My plans were to travel to the UK and meet new people, meet good people, people I could trust. As time went by, I should've realized that it was probably not going to happen, but I never gave up. Or maybe it would…
The plane arrived in Dallas and my pale blue dress was completely wet. Tears still streamed down my eyes. By the time I put my right foot out of the airplane, I started crying harder. That’s because I didn’t want to stay. If anyone cared about my feelings, they would not have obligated me to go.
I got to the airport lounge and turned my phone on. There were no messages and not a single missed call from daddy. I was going to be with the Harrison’s family. There was a girl my age, about 16, named Casey. Whose parents were named Carl and Jennifer, who also had another son, a cute boy called Christopher. He was going to move soon to my city to go to college.
The first two weeks were really hard for me… I didn’t think they had actually liked me, as if I didn’t even exist. They gave me food, a warm bed, talked with me, but the thing I needed the most they didn’t have enough of: affection, love. But, even though I had all these bad thoughts in my head, they actually DID like me… especially the cute guy, Christopher. He was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. I only told my story to him. He gave me lots of support when I needed it, and I couldn’t imagine how my life would be when he was off to college.
It would be awful.
In the meantime, I had to focus on school. I should talk to my dad daily, to know about his treatment. I was really worried about him and I didn’t want anything to go wrong. Every time his sweet image passed through my head, I cried and couldn’t stand it anymore being apart from him. I didn’t want to become an orphan.
Two weeks after I told Christopher about my tragic story, in the first morning at my new school, Bending Oaks High School. I also met a very gentile girl called Samantha. I didn’t tell her anything at first. As the months went by, she became my best friend. Still, she didn’t know yet.
On a very unpleasant morning, I got a letter from Mr. Sparky, my dad’s friend. He did almost everything he asked. I really started hating him that day; I don’t know why. Oh, the letter said exactly what follows:
Here is Arnold Sparky, your dad’s old friend. What I am going to tell you is not pleasant at all. I wish I could give you better news.
Your father was an honorable man, as you know, and he valued everything in his life, especially you. You must be asking yourself now “How come he WAS?” That’s right, your dad killed himself last week, on the 30th July because he couldn’t stand living with you hating him, and knowing that he couldn’t do anything else to keep you from suffering. I’m so sorry for you Annie. This is the last thing I wanted to tell you, but it’s true.
By the time you last called him to say that you hated it there and that your new family didn’t like you, he was already planning to do that, but I tried to convince him not to. I couldn’t do that for long.
You’ve got to believe the truth. He didn’t want you to see him like that, so I ask you to stay where you are
I had to believe the truth, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop crying for a couple of weeks... It was definitely the worst news I had ever been given. My strongest wish was to follow the same path as he did. I didn’t want to live anymore without my dad. It was practically impossible.
I missed 3 weeks of classes at Bending Oaks. The rumors at school said I was on drugs. Some said I was under police custody. There were even a couple of students claiming I had even died. How I wished it were all true. I didn’t want to show up in class anymore after what happened… Everyone would be asking me what had happened, like people in New York because of my mom.
And I never did again. No one in that school ever saw me again. Eventually, I talked to Sam on the phone, but nothing more. My only explanation was that I was having lots of family problems and that I’d probably go back to New York.
It awful had to lie to my best friend, yet there was no reasonable explanation to tell her why I had hid all that from her… I was ashamed of myself. I just wanted to disappear from that dimension, and appear again a couple of hundreds of years later.
That was basically what I did. I went back to the Big Apple, with Christopher, as he always wanted me close now. Four years had passed since my dad was gone. I had already passed through all the drama of missing him and I was living my life the best way I could…
What about his will, you might wonder? He hadn’t had time to write it. His lawyers asked me if I wanted to involve lawyers to inherit his belongings, but I didn’t. I just forgot about it and finished Art College. Now, I work at one of the greatest academy of arts in New York, NYAA. I’m pretty happy actually. I’m going to marry Chris next month. I’m 20 now, and am still living with the Harrison’s. They moved to NY, and have legally adopted me since my dad’s death.
Still, on every July 30th I go to the Greenwood Cemetery to put flowers on his tomb.
REST IN PEACE…