Silent Tears | Teen Ink

Silent Tears

August 6, 2010
By TerraTAZz GOLD, Sapulpa, Oklahoma
TerraTAZz GOLD, Sapulpa, Oklahoma
18 articles 3 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nobody goes through life without a scar.

-carol burnett

Today is the worst day of my life. Every first day of school is the worst day of my life. I am the girl who wishes she was invisible. I am the girl people laugh at daily and make fun of constantly.

The first week of school my freshman year has been my worst year so far. The first day wasn't so bad, everyone was to preoccuiped by the new kids and their new stuff to notice me. I was called Fat A**, only five times on the first day, but by the second the kids had already started branching out.

On day two of hell a boy named Carder williams threw a pencil at me, which struck me in the back, then he laughed and said " Her Back Fat is talking to me Sick!". Everyone laughed, I sat and tried not to let it get to me. AT lunch I was standing in line to get food when Jess Mattues and a few of her Blonde friends stepped in front of me and said " Well I think you can wait until we get our food, because you sure aren't gonna starve, plus after you get your's there might not be any left.". I didn't eat lunch that day.

The rest of the second day about a dozen more kids called me Fat A**, and then the Third day started off with a Bang. I was walking in the front doors of my school when one of Carder Williams friends knocked all of my books out of my hand while yelling " Move it Fat A** you are blocking my view of the pretty girls". I managed to pick all my books up and not be late for class. First Hour was horrible, my one and only friend Ally Hankins told me the seat next to her was taken. So I was completely Friendless on the third day of school. When I finally found a seat it was at the very front next to Charlie Watkins, Carders ex girlfriend. She gave me dirty looks everytime I even Flinched and laughed everytime my sneaker made a noise.

Lunch was the worst part of the day, as i was exiting the Taco station James Finn Tripped me which sent salsa down my white shirt. After walking away and saying " Watch where you are grazing next time Bessie", he returned to the howling table of laughter. I retrieted to the restroom and tried unsuccesfully to remove the stain. I spent the rest of my lunchtime in the restroom crying silent tears.

The third day ended with lord only knows how many "Fat Cows" and "watch it tubbys". I figured the worst was over, but i was wrong. On the forth day I was running late for school and skipped breakfast to catch the bus. My Mom packed me a lunch so I could eat in the bathroom instead of the lunchroom to avoid anymore salsa insidents. When I was walking threw the doors of the school Carder grabbed my lunch sack. He waved it around for his friends to see and he tossed it on the ground and squished it. I could see that my mom had fixed my favorite sandwich, peanut butter and bananas and added a vanilla pudding cup. I almost burst into tears thinking about her making it for me. After Carder was finished Stomp dancing on my sandwich I picked the shreads of bag and pudding cup up and tossed it in the trash. I could feel the day getting worse. In third hour my stomach began to growl. Carder turned around and saw me glance at my stomach. I knew what was fixing to happen. " ewww Sick does anyone else smell that?", said Carder with a smile, " Tubby back there is Farting up a storm". My face burned with humilation. Half the class was giving me dirty looks and the other half was holding their noses.

By lunchtime my stomach was hurting so bad I knew I couldn't not eat, so I walked to the sandwich line thinking I wouldn't add sause, so if i were to "Trip" it wouldn't cause a mess. I was doing okay until I sat at an emply table. As I was taking a bite of my sandwich Ally walked up and sat down infront of me. She glanced at a table with Jess sitting at it. Ally and I had been friends since first grade and this was the first time she had ever been hateful to me. I looked at her confused considering she had not answered one of my phone calls. She looked at me and said " I am sorry about this Tess, but I have to do this." She stood up and walked away. I didn't understand what she was talking about so I enjoyed my sandwich in peace for the first time since I could remember.

When fifth hour came I was happy I was able to eat in peace until i saw Carder walking towards my desk. He had this horrible look on his face, my stomach clinched waiting for whatever he had to say. " You Fat Nasty Cow, I would never ever like you, who the hell would you are ugly and nasty and look like a man, I don't know why you wouldn't just kill yourself and get it over with. It sure would save all of us a lot of crap", Carder Raved. I sat in my desk feeling completely useless. Everyone in the class was Laughing. I got up from my desk and walked to the office. I asked the Office lady to call my Mom. I was going home.

My Mom picked me up from school and dropped me off at home to return to work, which was a bad idea. I Couldn't escape the words Carder had said. I didn't know why I still continued to let them torure me, I couldn't stop the pain his words had inflicted. I knew how to end my pain and nothing was going to stop me. I went into my parents bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed every perscribtion bottle I could find and I washed down eighty-nine pills. After taking the pills I wrote a small note and left it next to my bed where my body was found by my parents. The note said, " To Carder, I did what you told me to, are you happy now?"

The author's comments:
This was a piece of what my lfe used to be like. I was bullied every day for my weigh problem, I have lost 135 pounds. I still feel like that girl back then sometimes and i know how much it hurts to be told you are nothing, but i did what every one said i couldn't lose the weight. Now those people who made fun of me what to date me or be my friend and i get to laugh and say no becasue id rather be friends with someone who is a lil heavy than someone who feels so worthless they have to put someone down to feel good themselves.

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This article has 2 comments.

TerraTAZz GOLD said...
on Aug. 16 2010 at 11:43 pm
TerraTAZz GOLD, Sapulpa, Oklahoma
18 articles 3 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nobody goes through life without a scar.

-carol burnett

Thankss bunches for the comment and for reading it, sorry it made you sad but i wanted to make it as close to real as possible. I would never try to harm myself i never tried when i was heavy but lots of people like that do and Honestly those experiences she faced in the story are all my real experiences! cept the killing herself part.

AbbieLou GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2010 at 4:38 pm
AbbieLou GOLD, Warrington, Other
11 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
'The problem is not that we aim to high and miss it, but that we aim to low and reach it'

Another good peice :) it made me cry though!