All of Us (Part 1) | Teen Ink

All of Us (Part 1)

August 14, 2012
By Special-Ice-Apples GOLD, Pinedale, Arizona
Special-Ice-Apples GOLD, Pinedale, Arizona
15 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is just a word until someone special comes along and gives it a meaning."

"I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no one can tell I'm crying."

"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."

Michaela Lang awoke with a start. She looked around and saw all her friends staring at her. “What happened?” she croaked. Her best friend Tyler Flowers let out a whoop and held out her hand to Terrylee Brewer, Michae’s best friend from drama camp, who rolled her eyes and placed a ten dollar bill in the other girl’s hand. Michae raised an eyebrow.
“Tyler bet that you would say, ‘What happened?’ and I bet that you would say, ‘Where the Fiji am I?’” Terrylee explained with a dirty look in Tyler’s direction.
“Now that you mention that, where the Fiji am I?” Michae asked. Terrylee snatched her money back and exchanged glares with Tyler.
“Hey, Terrylee? Do me a favor,” said Cayden, Tyler’s brother. Terrylee’s face softened and she turned to him.

“You know I will, Cayden,” she told him lovingly. He smirked and held out a hand.

“Let me have ten bucks.” Michae rolled her eyes as Terrylee immediately handed it over and ‘accidentally’ let their fingertips brush.

“Now that we’re all debt free, would someone please tell me what’s going on?” Michae asked/ordered firmly.

“Sure, Michae. I will,” said a deep voice unexpectedly. Michae’s heart jumped in her mouth and she nearly choked.

“Reece?” she breathed. Reece Harris nodded his blond head and pushed his glasses back up his nose bridge- a gesture that any ordinary person would have found nerdy. However, Michae was not an ordinary person and she found it extremely attractive.

“Well, Cayden, Terrylee, and I all went to the movies together to see a really stupid movie-“He was cut off by a squeal of protest from Terrylee, who had picked out the movie. Cayden sighed and put a hand over her mouth. She immediately shut up and Reece continued. “Alright, so we got there and we didn’t have enough money for tickets to anything. Terrylee called you and asked you to come and join us. Of course, she just ‘happened’ to mention that I was there, and that sped up the process a little to much… kind of banged your head in to a tree in your rush to get here and you got knocked out.” He smiled narcissistically. “You were apparently to busy thinking about me to watch where you were going.” Terrylee scoffed and muttered something about egotistical nerds through Cayden’s hand. Tyler raised her eyebrows at her brother’s hand and he took it away quickly to reveal a smiling Terrylee. She quickly wiped off her grin, but there was still a hint of a smile around the corner of her lips.

The author's comments:
Please tell me if I should continue.

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This article has 3 comments.

KylieK GOLD said...
on Sep. 1 2012 at 10:36 pm
KylieK GOLD, Mt. Washington, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 270 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To love is to surpass one's self."

I absolutely think the relationships between the characters are fabulous. I could feel your passion! Ahh! I love it!

on Aug. 25 2012 at 11:42 am
ArianaKnight PLATINUM, Southlake, Texas
24 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I don't want to have lived in vain like most people. I want to be useful or bring enjoyment to all people, even those I've never met. I want to go on living even after my death!”
-Anne Frank

At the beginning, I'd put some more of Michaela's thoughts and questions when she comes to and maybe describe the location so the reader has an image in their head. Then I would take out all the descriptions of the other people in how they relate to Michaela ("best friend", Tyler; "best friend from drama camp", Terrylee; "Tyler's brother" and let their actions and dialogue speak for them on how they're related to her. At the end where Reece tells her what happened, I think it would be more likely that they got worried where she was and had no idea why they found her knocked out. The characters are good, well developed and I laughed when I realized they were betting on what Michaela would say when she woke up. I can't wait to see where this story is going! Great job.

on Aug. 25 2012 at 12:57 am
BorderlineGenius777 SILVER, Lewiston, Idaho
7 articles 0 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most would be content to take their own and depart."- Socrates

not to bad. its not what i usually read, but i say keep at it. id read more anyway! oh and thanks for the advice on my other post about poems and stuff!