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Forever Ending Pain
I woke to the sound of angry voices and piercing screams. It was unpleasant to wake up to those horrible sounds every morning. I wish they would think about me, think about us. But they didn’t and never will think about us. I rolled out of bed and looked around my room. The walls were plain beige with a bit of crème mixed with it contrasting beautifully with my bed’s pink sheets. The pictures of dogs of all kinds were dancing on the wall along with those of my family. The dogs were pouching and playing, as I got dressed for school.
I was heading to the door when something caught my eyes, the picture of my family. There was my dad with his pale blonde hair with his glasses notched on his crooked nose. His blue eyes gleaming with pride about his family. My mom was standing next to him with her soft tender hands on his tense shoulders. Her long light brown hair hung loosely on her neck with her gray eyes dull and fragile. Her height was pitiful as she only reached 5.1’ and next to my dad she looked like a mere child yet again.
My twin sisters with identical golden hair and sea blue eyes. Their gorgeous faces always got the crowd’s attention first. They were almost as tall as my mom and everyone said they were going to be beautiful tall women.
Then my brothers, they were standing next to Dad and me. My oldest brother Ben had short cut black hair with pale blue eyes that appeared that he was staring far off. He was taller than my dad towering over me at 6.5’. I wished he were here right now to help me with all the problems that were occurring.
My youngest brother Charlie had dark chocolate brown hair, just like me. He was short for his age, but still cute. His dark murky brown eyes were shinning in this picture like they always were. But he was autistic, which made everything harder.
Then me, I had plain golden brown hair with light hazel eyes. I was about 5.6’ and was very slender. My hair was wispy and light on my back, as it reached mid way down my back. My high and beautiful cheekbones poked out. I was told that I was very talented with my flute, but nothing more. Everyone adored my younger sisters and totally forgot about me. But I didn’t mind that much because I am more reclusive then outgoing.
I went down the six step stairs and entered the old bright pink kitchen. I saw my mom yelling at my dad as my dad just stood there as if he had already left to work. My mom had tears streaming down her delicate face. My dad had a stern look on his face, which worried me.
My mom stopped yelling as she saw me standing there totally dumb struck. She wiped off the tears and smiled like I had never seen anything.
“Oh Sharron, did we wake you?” She said in her honey sweet voice. I couldn’t believe her voice could change from bitter and angry to sweet and soft.
“No. You didn’t wake me…I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock.” I lied. I had to; they would feel worse than they did before if I would have told the truth.
“Sharron, I’m sorry we were fighting it’s just your father forgot to take out the trash. Right, Robert?” She said.
I knew she was lying about the trash thing. She was trying to hide the fact that her and Dad have been fighting since Ben had left off to college in Florida. States away from Utah. He had said that he didn’t want to stick around and waste away his whole life. I disagreed with him so much that I would bring up a fight about it concisely over the phone.
“That’s okay, Mom. I just wish you guys wouldn’t fight over such stupid things like the trash.” I knew that would possibly stop the fights that go on around here.
“Oh honey, don’t worry about our fighting. Let’s just have some pancakes with peanut butter and syrup.” Dad said in his loud bold voice.
Just then Charlie came down the stairs rubbing his eyes until they were red around the edges. He was wearing his dinosaur pajamas with his Thomas the Train slippers. His brown hair was frizzed up in the back, a cause from sleeping with wet hair. His brown eyes looked tired and worn out from too many nights without proper resting.
“Mom, Dad, why we up so early?” His words were slurred like a drunkard.
“Oh Charlie, we wake up so we can, Father and I, can talk about how we don’t have adequate money for our house.” Mom said not even trying to hide the fact that we didn’t have enough money. That really bothered me. Why hadn’t she tried to hide it? Children shouldn’t have to worry about money when they’re young and still growing. It is just wrong.
He said one simple word.
My mom looked shocked as if Charlie wasn’t capable to ask questions or even talk. That bugged me even more.
“Mom, Charlie can talk. He can do many things that you don’t even know about because you’re always crying about Ben. You don’t pay attention to Charlie.” I stated it simply.
A look of shock crossed her face. I hoped that was because she realized that what I had said was the truth and she would start taking care of her own children, instead of me. I stood there silently letting it soak into her soul and letting it devour her insides out until she would tell me that I had spoken the truth. That’s not what happened next.
She started screaming words I would never repeat and it was jumbled and mixed anyways so I couldn’t understand. Her face got as run as the blazing camp fires I had over the summer almost a year ago… Her fists clutched and she looked like she needed a blue rubber stress ball. Her eyes were glassed over with liquid and were rising to a red color like her face.
But still I didn’t have the desire to take back my words, and I didn’t know why. Maybe because they were true and I was taught that we should always fight for the truth. I was raised to fight for three things: One was to fight for the truth; two was to fight for what was right, and three fights for your rights. Maybe she was thinking that she should have never taught me that anymore.
“How dare you to say that I favor one child over another!” She bellowed. She sounded more like an angry cow then my mother now. Her yelling and screaming ruined her once beautiful voice.
I could feel water rising to my eyes and my eyes were turning red. I didn’t know why I was crying, but I was. Maybe I was crying because I have never been yelled at like this. Never.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to say that.” I said, and now I really did mean it. I didn’t want to upset her more so I took back my words and headed out the house.
**** **** **** ****
I was running to catch up to the bus but I couldn’t. I saw the insiders of the bus laughing and mocking me. I tried to ignore them, which I did, but it was hard to ignore that the bus was acerbating to where I would never catch up. I knew a kid had told the bus driver that school was going to start and they were going to be late so he sped up.
I was left in the dust as the bus took off to sonic speed and left me behind. The frustration ran through my veins now. As it was coursing I started to breath slowly to calm myself, as I walked to school. The tall Quaking Aspens were towering over me blowing in the slight breeze. The wind flew through my hair and a chill sped down my back. The hair on my arms started to lift up and blow in the breeze to.
The houses were old and odd colors of all sorts. Some were bright sky blue; others were cotton candy pink and razzle berry purple. They had old rusted over cellars attached to the sides of the wooden houses. I thought that they could have been here when the pioneers arrived. Heck, a pioneer could have lived in those houses! The grass was bright and luscious green with tiny speckles of dirt spread over them to give them character. Like adding your own style to a choice of fancy clothing.
Like making your own dress out of an old bedspread. Not like I’ve done it. I headed into a sprint as I heard the bell ring out across the quite town. My adrenaline was pumping and I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears. I approached the school and darted inside.
**** **** **** ****
“Sharron, you’re going to be late for your band concert!” Valencia yelled.
I hurried and looked into the mirror my long hair was pulled back into a professional ponytail to give the crowd the appearance that I am the best. Plus this was one of my natural hair dos. My eyes traveled farther down to my dress. It was a stunning flaming red that gave me the appearance that I knew what I was doing.
I raced down the stairs and to my surprise Ben was there. I ran over and squeezed the air out of him. He hugged me back and for once in a long while I felt that our family was back together. The sad thing is that this was only the beginning of the end.
**** **** **** ****
I was just starting to finish cleaning out my flute after my big concert. I had played a whole song totally solo and I felt immensely proud of myself. Ben and my family walked up to me all grinning ear to ear and Ben said, “You did great out there. You really are good.”
“Thanks, you guys weren’t so bad either.” I said. Usually they are clapping so loud I would turn the color of my dress.
“Thanks, you don’t have to say that though.” Michelle and Valencia said in unison.
“Yeah Sharron, you are th-the best!” Charlie yelled.
I gave them all a great big bear hug and we headed outside to go get into our tan Tahoe. We were laughing and making jokes about each other as we got into the Tahoe. When I sat down next to Charlie I knew that I had to get him buckled up so we could arrive home safely. All of us.
I buckled him in and then buckled myself.
“Make sure Charlie’s buckled up, Sharron.” Mom said gently.
“Yeah I know, Mom.”
We were driving down a huge hill and the next thing I knew there was a pair of huge headlights heading our way.
**** **** **** ****
I woke up and found myself in a room as white as snow and just as clean. It was spotless and I heard the annoying sound of a machine beeping. I looked around and I guess I was looking pretty distraught because a woman in a dress robe came in and said, “Sweetheart, you’re in the hospital. Why don’t you remember?”
My heart was racing miles a minute now. IN THE HOSPITAL?! How could that be? I couldn’t remember anything except we were just leaving my concert…then that SUV hit us head on. I remembered now! But now I didn’t want to remember I didn’t want to be in the hospital.
“Where’s my family?” I demanded.
“There in the hospital too. Except for your mom and dad. There injuries are pretty minor nothing to worry about.” She said still smiling.
Relief washed over my body in seconds. They were safe.
“I want to see them then. Where are they?” I said wanting to see them more than anything.
“Your father is with Charlie and your mother is with the twins. Ben had minor injuries too so he went back to Florida.” She said it like she knew everything.
I could sense she was holding back. She hadn’t mentioned the injuries that Michelle, Valencia, and Charlie had.
“What about the twins and Charlie?” I fired the next question, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“I’ll let the doctor explain everything to you.” She said walking off.
Minutes passed and I was getting nervous. They should be here explaining things to me now. It seemed like centuries when the doctor came in. He had a sad expression on his face. My stomach sunk to my feet. What had happened to them?
“Sharron?” He said brushing off his glasses.
“Yeah.” I said waiting.
“Your, uh, twin sisters have experienced broken limbs. It appears that Michelle has her left arm broken along with her collarbone. Valencia has minor injuries like bruised rib bones, but there still painful.” He said in a quiet voice.
“What about Charlie? What happened to Charlie?” I demanded to know what had happened to him.
“He is in, uh, he’s in a coma.”
My heart sunk and I felt like I was going to throw up all over them. Charlie was trapped inside his own body still living however. I wanted to scream a million things and cry but instead I said this, “How?” My voice was crackly and dry.
“His seat belt buckle wasn’t quite in when the accident occurred. You see the importance of the seat belt, Sharron?” He said as if he knew I was the one who was supposed to buckle Charlie up.
“This can’t be happening to me. This can’t be happening to Charlie.” I said tearing forming in my eyes. My chest felt heavy with sorrow and I felt a hundred pounds heavier.
“Unfittingly it has happened to, ah, Charlie. I am so sorry, Sharron. Perhaps you want to talk to your family about this matter?” The doctor said quietly.
“Yes, I would like to talk to them.” I said plainly. How could Charlie be in the hospital in worst condition then me? “But how did we get in an accident?” I dared ask.
His answer was plain and simple.
My world started swirling around me. Nothing would make sense. Poor Charlie in a coma, possibly forever. NO! I shouted in my head, not forever he is going to come out of it. He will. Even as I thought that I started to lose hope. I glanced around the halls outside my door and found that I wasn’t in the ICU and that I probably wouldn’t miss school because of my injuries. I would miss school because of Charlie. I wouldn’t leave him here to fend for himself. He would need a sibling to help him through this hard trial and that would be me.
The door reopened and my mom and dad were standing there looking very grave and slum. They looked like they hadn’t got any sleep for days. I wondered how long I had been in here.
I would have said something except I didn’t trust my voice not to break.
“Sharron, how are you?” Mom said softly.
“Fine. What about Valencia and Michelle?” I said back with just as much life as she had.
“They’ll make it. Just a few broken and bruised bones.” Dad said.
I didn’t want to bring up Charlie but I couldn’t leave him out of this.
“And…Charlie? What about Charlie?” I hadn’t realized how worried I’d been about him until I was rushing miles a minute to ask the question.
“He’s been better.” Dad said slightly smiling despite his pain.
“So it was a drunk driver who ran into us?” I said harshly. I knew it wasn’t my parent’s fault but I was being bitter. And angry.
“Yeah, I guess Dr. Carter told you.” Dad kept saying things that I didn’t think needed to be there.
“Dr. Carters his name? Never would of thought of that one he looks like more of a Dr. Smith.” I was avoiding the questions.
“So do you want to see Charlie, Sharron?” Mom said in a broken hoarse voice. That voice didn’t belong to her. It wasn’t sweet or soft. It was angry and disturbing.
“I…I think so.” I said looking quiet pitiful I’m sure.
We started to walk down the hallway. I noticed that the doctors had put on two hospital gowns so that my back wasn’t exposed to the public. I appreciated that. As we were walking I saw so many sick young children and dying elderly I wanted to burst into hysterical sobbing. But I couldn’t I had to see Charlie right away and if I burst out crying I might draw unwanted attention.
The hallways were flooded with nurses and doctors in the ICU. One was carrying a deliberator and saying “GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!” I didn’t question them and stepped out of the way in one swift movement. Some other nurses were carrying sick middle-aged people on stretchers with itchy blankets. When we arrived to room 113 my feet were heavy and my shoulders slumped. I didn’t want to see Charlie, but I had to.
I straightened my shoulders and strutted in prepared to see the worst. When I saw him his face was a ghostly pale and his little hands were balled into fists as if he was angry…with me. He looked just like he had when he wasn’t…wasn’t what? Dead? No that wasn’t the answer. When he was still healthy. I half expected him to jump off the table and say, “Come on let’s go!” But he didn’t. I wish he would.
“Hey Charlie, how are you?” I knew he wasn’t going to respond but I still wanted him to.
I turned around and saw that my family had left, probably to leave me alone and to see how Michelle and Valencia were doing. Charlie didn’t answer.
“Come on, Charlie! I know you’re in there…somewhere.” My voice sounded so desperate and distort that I stopped talking at once.
I heard a footstep behind me and spun around to meet a nurse with blazing red hair and calm green eyes.
“Hello, I didn’t know that Charlie was having visitors. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.” She said stepping out the door.
“Wait! What were you going to do with him?” I asked.
“Just check if he was doing better by monitoring that machine over there.” She said pointing to a machine with a heart pulse.
“Oh so like monitoring brain activity?” I said.
“Yeah, exactly like that. Right now he’s a 4,3,5.” She said.
“What’s that mean?”
“That means, on a scale 1-5, that his brain activity is indeed very high. Things are looking good.”
If only I knew that they were going to get a whole lot worse.
**** **** **** ****
We all went home a week later and started going back to school today. I was on the bus and calmly writing in my notebook. I had visited Charlie every day after I had gotten home and I didn’t plan on stopping just because school was starting again. Charlie was my brother.
When I went to first period, on my A day, that meant going to English. My favorite class. I walked and got that feeling that everyone was looking at me. Maybe because I had been gone a whole week with an exclamation and on my first day back I am late.
“Sorry Ms. Mueala that I’m late.” I said picking up the pace as I rushed over to my desk.
“That’s quite alright, Ms. Minoton. Just take a seat.” Ms. Mueala said sweetly, which reminded me about my mother’s once sweet voice. Ms. Mueala’s voice flowed like honey on a hot summer’s day right off the tree and into the barrel.
I was trying to concentrate but I couldn’t. All I could think about was that Charlie’s brain activity had gone from 4,3,5 to 3,3,4. Maybe he was just struggling a little but he’ll pull out of it.
“Ms. Minoton? Ms. Minoton?” The voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Oh what?” Was my stupid reply.
“Are you paying attention, Ms. Minoton?” Ms. Mueala asked sternly.
“I’m really sorry. I’ll pay attention from here on out.” I said half-heartedly.
I guess she could sense that I was having a hard time and asked me to stay after class and if I was late to my other class she would talk to that teacher and explain.
Class ended and I was dreading every bit. I was never the one to stay after class or be late. I guess I was a little off.
“Sharron, what’s wrong?” Ms. Mueala said kindly.
She never called her students by their first names unless they were in trouble.
“Nothing. Just tired.” I said faking a yawn. I hope she was buying it.
“You’re never late and you’ve missed too many days of the school year. You have missed my project that’s worth half your grade.” She went on.
“I know. I’ve just been out of it.” I said avoiding the direction of the conversation that she was taking it.
“Why have you been out of it?” She pressed.
“Just have some…family problems.” That summed it up. I had family problems.
“What kind, Sharron? I want to help solve this problem.” She continued to bug me about it for several more minutes until the bell rang and she realized that her whole second period had been silently listening to our conversation.
“I have to go.” I said as I swung open the doors rushing for my next class. The day was just getting worst.
**** **** **** ****
By the end of the day I was eager to get home. Home was where the heart was so the hospital soon became my home. I missed Charlie’s movement. His sweet little voice and I missed the look on his face when he was watching his favorite movie in the world. Walle.
When I arrived at the hospital I saw Emilee. Emilee was the nurse that watched over me when I was in the hospital, she also watched over Charlie. I smiled when I saw her and ran straight to her. I knew she would tell me the recent status on Charlie’s brain activity.
“Hey Emilee, how’s Charlie?” I dared asked, but I knew he must be doing well because just yesterday he was a 5,5,5.
“Well Sharron, remember that things usually get worse before they get better. He’s a 4,4,3.” She said smiling sheepishly.
“What? How? He was doing so well. I don’t understand?” I was pleading. I sounded so hopeless. I wondered what was going through her mind as she saw my broken hopes.
“I’m so sorry, but that’s how things go in comas there unpredictable and most surprising. There difficult to come through.” She was talking to me as if I was in kindergarten.
“I-I under-understand.” I said in a shattered voice. “I just want to see him.”
“Okay you know the room.” She said walking off whistling.
I ran to his room. I heard people telling me not to, but they didn’t understand that this was the upmost important. As I was rushing down the halls passing in white blurs. I could see his room number coming up and I pushed faster. I arrived in his room and saw his pale skin. His brown eyes I could imagine opening up. But nothing happened.
“Charlie, are you listening?” I asked. I probably sounded stupid but I heard that if you talked to a comatose patient they would live ten times longer. I didn’t know if it was true or not but I didn’t want to risk it. Even though I knew Charlie would be coming out of it.
“I know you’re in there. Somewhere.” I said. “Well do you want to watch Walle? I brought Walle for you.” I had to sound like an idiot to those outside getting a tour in the hospital to a family that wasn’t sure if they wanted their daughter in the hospital.
To my surprise Charlie stirred. Excitement coursed through my body. Rushing through my veins. He had responded to my voice. To the sound Walle. I pushed the help button. Nurses rushed in to see what was going on. They found me with my finger still on the button.
“What’s going on here?” One tall nurse with striking blonde hair said.
“He moved! He moved!” I shouted with glee. I know what I had seen, and he had moved.
“Spinal reflex. He’s not really moving to your voice. Remember he’s a 4,4,3. The three is his reaction to voice commands. He did react to my voice yesterday but his brain activity is decreasing right now.” She said it harshly as if she didn’t really care.
“How could you say that? A three is a good thing, remember?!” I yelled through sobs.
“Now calm down. Let’s not make a scene.” The nurse said patting me on the back.
I sat down and cried. I asked them to leave Charlie and me alone and they did. I put in Walle and started watching it with Charlie. Even though he couldn’t see the pictures. I wanted Charlie to be back in my arms hugging me tight and squeezing me. But that wouldn’t happen, not right now.
**** **** **** ****
I heard someone far off calling my name in a panicked voice. Why were they worried? Why were they rushing and tripping over their words? Why could I only see darkness? I tried to yell but I couldn’t even hear my own voice.
“Wake up, Sharron!” My mom yelled.
I woke up. My mom was leaning over me with concerned eyes. Where was I? I looked around and saw that I had fallen asleep in the hospital with Charlie. Walle was still playing in the back ground near the end. I couldn’t have been asleep for too long.
“Oh sorry Mom, I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep.” I said in a slurred voice.
“We need to get home, Sharron. Charlie will be here tomorrow.” She said helping me up.
I went over to Charlie and kissed the top of his forehead. His skin was as cold as ice and just as fragile. His skin was odd and I didn’t like it. How could his skin be cold and frosted over? He was alive. I knew he was alive.
We headed home and the whole way there the only thought in my mind was the touch of his skin.
**** **** **** ****
The next few days just went pass in a blur. I woke up, went to school, went to the hospital, spent the next few hours re-watching Walle, then go home at nine, do homework till eleven, go to bed, then repeat. My days were usually overwhelming and boring. I could tell my grades were slipping and the odd thing was I didn’t care. Ms. Mueala started holding me after school so I would work harder, but I kept telling her that I couldn’t.
My family was eating dinner and the phone started ringing. It wasn’t usual but the fact that Ms. Mueala was the one calling was usual. My mom got up and answered the phone. Minutes later her face was pale and flushed. What was Ms. Mueala saying to her? I wasn’t a bad student, was I? I hadn’t really checked my grades and Charlie had only been in a coma for a month, I knew the end of the term was coming.
“Thanks, bye.” Mom said in an angry voice. I was in trouble.
“Who was that, Mary?” Dad said in a polite voice.
“That was Ms. Mueala. She calls all her failing students parents so they know their child needs help in her class.” She said not taking her eyes off of me.
“So why is she calling us?” Dad said.
Like he even needed to ask.
“Sharron’s is failing her class.” She said bluntly.
“What?” Dad said choking on his food.
“She is failing English, Rob. She is failing.” She said in a broken voice.
“How am I failing, Mom. I think I am doing wonderful.” I said quietly.
“Just stay after school and get some help.” Mom and Dad said in unison.
“But what about Charlie?” I said my voice rising.
“Just forget about him.” Mom said.
“How could you forget about Charlie? He is still alive! It’s not like he’s dead!” I shouted.
“Stop it! Stop it right now, Sharron!” Dad bellowed.
“I hate you!” I screamed running out the front door and slamming it hard behind me.
I was running with tears streaming down my face and my hair blowing in the wind. a spring evening was chilly and sent chills up and down my spine. How could they just say forget about Charlie? Charlie was a part of the family. He wasn’t like a goldfish that you just replace or forget about. He was a real breathing living human and to forget about him was just plain wrong. I wouldn’t forget him. Never.
“I just wish Alex was here. He’d know what to do.” I sobbed out. My chest was heaving and I felt sick. Where could I go to get away from this nightmare? The hospital? No, that’s the first place they’d look, if they came looking for me. I just kept running and running. Darting down allies and resting on benches. Finally I came upon Discovery Park. It was a big wooden park with amazing sides and a gigantic wooden volcano in the center of it. It was the perfect place to sleep for the night.
It wasn’t a secret place but it was full of wild and mysterious turns and tunnels. No one would think I would sleep out here. I wondered what was happening to Alex right now. He had gotten into a fight and sent away to some camp, I think. He didn’t tell me but his sister did.
I ran up and down the park scaling it for the perfect spot to sleep. I came across the wooden spaceship and thought that was as good as it’s going to get. I lay down on the chair. It was cold to the touch and my skin crawled. Outside the spaceship I could feel it getting cold. I wondered if this was going to be my grand ending.
All I remember is my quiet sobbing sending me into a deep sleep.
**** **** **** ****
I woke up at dawn and found myself in Discovery Park. I only remembered that I ran away because my parents suggested that I forget about Charlie. Anger boiled inside of me and I could feel all my blood rushing to my head. I wonder what time it is? I thought. I got up too fast and I felt dizzy. I heard my stomach rumbling. I hadn’t finished my dinner and it was defiantly past breakfast. The sun was in the middle of the sky high above me.
I ran down the steps and rushed towards the hospital. I didn’t care if I looked like something the cat dragged in. I wanted to see Charlie. When I arrived at the hospital people looked at me like I belonged in the hospital. I probably looked pretty banged up and distrait. I couldn’t blame them. I saw that Emilee was coming out of Charlie’s room with her clipboard. That meant she had just checked Charlie’s brain activity.
I ran up to her and said “Emilee, what’s his brain activity today?”
Her face went grim.
“His brain activity is 3,3,3. His brain activity is decreasing. I wouldn’t be surprised if your parents pulled the plug right here and right now.” She said rudely.
“You mean he’s dying?” I said my voice breaking.
“I mean he has a low percentage of coming out of this. We’ll let you know if he goes brain dead.”
I shuttered at the word dead. How could she be so rude about the whole thing? He was a patient and she was his nurse. She was supposed to be doing all she could to keep him up and living. She wasn’t doing a very good job at it. I wanted to scream at here and tell her that all things she was saying weren’t true because Charlie was coming out of that coma alive.
“He’s never going to be brain dead.” I said in a low voice.
She turned around and said, “Excuse me?”
“I said he’s never going to be brain dead. Not if you do your job correctly.” I said shooting my verbal gun. I knew it had hit.
“Why are you erotizing me? I’m doing all I can.” Her voice was rising at an alarming rate.
“Because if you do your job he won’t die.” I said. And I meant it.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. You never trained for my job.”
“The way you do your job doesn’t seem like you trained either.” I knew that had hit home.
“Excuse me but I have patients to save, and your brothers not one of them.” She sneered.
I wanted to punch her. I hated her. The hatred I had for her was running deep through my veins now. If she didn’t save my brother I would. I would have to try and save my brother. It wasn’t his fault that he has been put in a coma. It was my fault. I hadn’t buckled him up all the way. It was my fault that he was dying. I should be the one in the coma. It shouldn’t be him. I wanted me to be in his place and him in mine.
I walked into his room and found Walle still playing. Someone must have been here with him. Probably an empathic nurse who cared for all their patients. I just wanted to have Charlie back. He was the one person who understood me beside Alex, but now they were both gone. Everyone who seemed to care about doesn’t really care. They don’t know what I’m going through.
I had to get home. I had to go on with my life in school and pretend Charlie was never born.
**** **** **** ****
School was ok and I was getting my grades up. It had been two months now since Charlie’s unfortunate accident. And I took my parents advice, forget about Charlie. I hadn’t really been visiting him anymore except for every two or three weeks. Charlie seemed like he was doing better, I guess. He was the same as last time, a 3,3,3. He was staying the same. I guess that’s better than going down again. My grades were all A’s again and I felt proud. I started playing my flute again and I was the best flutist. That is what my teacher said anyways.
No one knew about Charlie’s accident and I liked it that way because that meant I could forget him faster. I didn’t want to forget him but I had to for my own good. I was just getting it back together when I got a phone call from the hospital.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hello, is this Sharron?” The man asked.
“Yes, this is she. And who is this?” I said. The voice sounded awfully familiar.
“This is Dr. Carter. I need you to get down to the hospital as soon as possible.” He said hanging up the phone.
What was going on? Was Charlie dying? I raced to the hospital taking two city buses to get over there. When I arrived in the hospital I saw Emilee waiting for me.
“I’m sorry about what I’d said about you.” I said truly meaning it. “What’s happening?” I said in a worried tone.
“He’s going into cardiac arrest.” She said.
“He is dying.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. I knew he was dying, but not because of brain death because his body couldn’t take the trauma. He was going to die because of me.
“Where’s my mom?” I said through tears.
“She’s on her way here.” She said.
“And Dad?” I pushed.
“He’s not coming. I am sorry.” She said.
“When is Charlie expected to die?” I said through my broken hopes, through shattered lives, through a broken heart.
“Sometime today. I’m so sorry.” She said tears appearing in her eyes.
“It’s not your fault, Emilee. It’s mine.” I said pushing pass her. I could feel tears threatening to spill over my eyelid. I wasn’t going to cry. I couldn’t cry.
I went into his room and saw the doctors standing over him with the defilbrator and pressing it down on his fragile chest. It sent an electrical shock through his whole body trying to bring him back to life. I knew the tries were hopeless that he was going to die today. He was going to die within the hour.
I started to cry despite what I had said earlier. My little helpless brother was going to die all because of me. He was going to die at the age of six. He was never going to make it to first grade to eat lunch at school. Never going to develop a crush on a girl. He was never going to be an animal trainer like he said so many times before how much he wanted to be one. He was never going to get into trouble and I having to save him. He was never going to grow up.
I was sobbing as they tried again to bring life back into him. It wasn’t working. How could he be dying like this? He was so young and hopeless, fragile and sweet. He wasn’t meant to die young and like this. He had so much of his life left for him. He had a great school report behavior and grade wise. He was what every teacher in the next grade wanted. He was a sweet young child; it just didn’t seem right with him dying on the hospital bed when he had so much going for him. It was unfair.
I stood by the doctors and wondered if that would have been me if I had buckled Charlie up correctly. I wondered if I would be the one dying at a young age. I wondered if I would be the one Dad refused to see die. I wondered if Charlie could forgive me. How could Charlie forgive me? I had killed him. I had been a horrible sister to even let this happen. I was a failure to what mattered most.
I realized that it didn’t matter if you got good grades, but if you spent time with and loved your family. Your family was the most important thing in the world because one minute they’re there and the next they’re gone forever. Never to come back again. I started to cry because my realization had come too late and now Charlie was dying because of it. Because of me. How could my mom even begin to cope with this horrible disaster?
The doctors were screaming and yelling to the others to get some tool I’d never heard before. They must be really stressed, I thought, they must also be devastated because they must have saved a lot of patients and to lose one like this must be hard. It must be hard to see all the sick and really ill patients and have to tell their family members that they might not make it. That would be the worst part of being a doctor, telling them their loved one is indeed dead.
“Miss. Minoton, can you take a step outside we may have to enter surgery.” A doctor said.
I just listened because they were doing all they could with Charlie and I didn’t want them to worry about me also. I sat down in a chair and waited. I soon felt cold water rushing down my face and realized that I was crying. My emotions started to pour out of my soul and rush down my face. My insides felt like they were burning. I wanted to die instead of Charlie. I was supposed to protect him and I hadn’t. I had failed at everything that truly mattered.
All I could think about is that Charlie was dying because of me.
**** **** **** ****
I felt hands shaking me. I woke with a sudden jolt. I looked around and I saw that there were doctors surrounding my mom and me. I couldn’t see Dad or Michelle or Valencia. I knew that I had to have fallen asleep in the waiting room while Charlie was dying.
“Is he ok?” I asked in a dry unfamiliar voice.
They all looked at each other including my mom.
“Let me have a moment alone with her, please?” She said.
They all muttered in agreement and left.
“Charlie is…well Charlie is dead.” She said tears appearing in her eyes.
“He’s dead?’ My voice broke into hysterical sobbing that I couldn’t control. My body heaved with each sob and tears ripped down my face in a frantic hurry.
“I’m so sorry, Sharron. I miss him too. If only things turned out different.” She said patting my back in a soothing rhythm.
“How did he…you know? How did he die?” I asked my voice completely broken.
“He didn’t of a heart attack. Turns out his body was working and his brain activity was 5,5,5 but due to the coma his body couldn’t take it.” She said in a sad voice.
“It’s all my fault.” I said my spit turning to acid on my tongue. I could feel bile rising in my throat. My entire fault just repeated itself in my head over and over again.
“Oh Sharron, nothings your fault. How could it be your fault?” She said tenderly.
“Because I was supposed to buckle him up. Me! A-and I failed him. I killed him!” I shouted. Guilt rising up in my body. The guilt I had been carrying in my heart came pouring all out. I didn’t even remember talking about it with my mom, I just remembered going home.
Leaving Charlie’s corpse behind us.
**** **** **** ****
The next few days I didn’t even think about school, but when Charlie had been dead for a week Mom said I should go back to school. I dreaded the day going back to school. It was Friday when I first went back to school. I remember going to all my classes when I reached English. English was what I was dreading the most. I use to have fun there but now it held only painful memories, of Charlie.
Everyone turned when I walked in and I rushed to my seat. I knew they knew that I had a family crisis and they would probably swarm me at lunch and ask questions. I would try to avoid them but a lot of people knew that I never missed school unless something important came up.
“Thank you for joining us again, Ms. Minoton.” Ms. Mueala said kindly.
I knew that she was empathic because she had a daughter that died due to an untreatable disease. She always would tell us stories about her daughter but I don’t know why. Wasn’t it painful to talk about the deceased ones you loved? It didn’t help bring them back when you talked about them. I know that for sure.
We learned some grammar and then came free time for the rest of the period. I didn’t want to look like I had time to talk to anyone so I pulled out my math binder and started on homework. Everyone must have got the memo that I wasn’t in the mood to talk and left me alone. Just the way I liked it.
I wanted Alex to be here. I would be able to vent to him and he would try to understand and hard as he could. I needed Alex. If he wasn’t here I would have to fight this all alone, but I guess that’s how it is in life sometimes. Some battles you have to fight alone.
Ms. Mueala came over and sat in the desk next to me. I could tell she was having difficultly trying to figure out how she was going to start her conversation. She finally spoke, “Sharron, I know that something traumatic has occurred over the course of a couple weeks. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I d-don’t know if that’s a good idea.” I said quietly trying to bury myself deeper into a dark and lonesome hole.
“Why not? I know it helps if you talk to someone about it.” She said.
“Well I guess I don’t want to talk about it, it hurts too much.” I said.
“What hurts so much?”
“Charlie.” I said.
“What happened to Charlie?” She pushed.
“He d-d-died.” I almost yelled it.
“Oh Sharron, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but if you want to talk now’s the time.” She said.
Maybe talking about it would help.
“It’s all my fault that he’s dead I didn’t buckle him up all the way. And now he’s dead!” I screamed as I ran out the door.
**** **** **** ****
I ran inside my house and raced into my room. I could see on my parents faces that the school had called and told them I had ran away.
“What’s wrong with that girl, Mary? What’s wrong with her?” Dad yelled his voice shaking the house.
“Nothing’s wrong with her, Robert. You can’t expect her to pretend everything’s alright can you?” My mom said back.
“Yes I can, she should go back to school and deal with it!” He yelled.
I was watching from the stairs and saw that his eyes were red, like he had been crying.
“She’s not the only one who lost Charlie, I did too.” My dad was crying now. His tears simmered down his face and onto his shirt. My mom came up to him and hugged him, ‘It’s going to be ok, Robert. It’s going to be ok.” She said hugging him tighter.
It really was my entire fault that our family was falling apart, that Charlie was dead. I had to find a way that would fix this. Charlie was the one thing that was really holding this family together. Not me. All my failed attempts and Charlie didn’t even have to try to bring us together. And I destroyed the last thing holding us as one.
I had destroyed Charlie. I couldn’t hold onto the guilt anymore I had to kill myself. It was my entire fault that my family was fighting, crying, and well dying. If I were gone they’d be happy again wouldn’t they? I had to get rid of myself. I had to die.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I jumped up and was face to face with Dad. He looked surprised to find me crying too.
“What’s wrong?” He said coming to embrace me into a warm and welcome hug.
I stepped back, “According to you everything about me.” I said watching his face drop.
“I didn’t mean that. I was just sad.” He said quietly.
“No I think you meant every word you said about me. I think that I shouldn’t be here, Charlie should! Don’t you see it? I’m the reason your son is dead!” I screamed through sobs.
“No, no you’re not. Charlie died because his body wasn’t strong enough. There’s nothing you could have done to stop this from happening.” He said coming once again to hug me.
“If I would have buckled him up better he would still be here.” I continued. “He would still be alive and healthy and still be laughing his cute little laugh.”
I started to remember his laugh. It was like the heavens had opened. Like nothing could go wrong. But still things had. He would laugh when you tickled him, I could still hear his laugh echoing through the halls. I wish that he were here again for my own selfish reasons. The doctors told us that his brain activity was actually low enough that he was almost considered brain dead. They told us if he did come out he would probably be suffering because he would have been handicapped. They described it as, “He wouldn’t be himself. He would be altered by the severe head trauma.”
My mom burst out crying when they told her that her little boy wouldn’t ever be himself. They told the whole family (Ben had came back for the funeral that is occurring this week) that we should plan a funeral soon. Dad just pushed his glasses over his eyes farther. I could see a tear trickle down his face, but he hurried and wiped it away as if it had never happened. Like Charlie had never happened.
I also started crying, not for just Charlie but for the life we once had with Charlie. But I guess he’s happier somewhere else then he would have been here. The bickering with Mom and Dad occurred a lot more here than usual. Dad planned to live with his brother for a while before the funeral.
“It wasn’t your fault that he…that he passed away. That wasn’t anything any of us could control.” Dad said hugging my tighter.
It felt like the world had stopped just for us at that moment. We were embraced in each other’s arms for what seemed like forever. His grip was strong and mine was strong too. That gave me hope that we were indeed strong enough to endure anything that we were dealt.
I released my hug and looked into my dad’s eyes. I realized that I was also worried that he was going to leave us.
“Dad, are you going to leave us?” I said tearing my gaze from his.
“No Honey, no. I would never leave you. I’m just going for a break.” He said it like it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe he didn’t realize that to me it was a very big deal. I didn’t want my parent’s to get a divorce because of my mistake with Charlie. I couldn’t let this happen.
“Dad, you can’t just leave us. We need you, and I love you.” I realized that was the first time since they had Valencia and Michelle that I told him I loved him. Ten long years that he hadn’t heard I love you spouting out of my mouth. Of course I wasn’t lying about loving him, I just surprised myself by the power in my words.
“I love you too, Sharron. I just really need this break. Please just go to bed. You look like you’ve had a hectic day at school.” He said calmly.
But I had skipped some classes in school and ran home. He said “What’s wrong with that girl, Mary?” Was I just some girl to him? Not even his daughter anymore? Maybe I was just an embarrassment to the family and should stay out of everyone’s way until this conflict passes over. But I couldn’t do that knowing me as much as I do. I can’t stay out of the families businesses. I needed to be involved in something. I had to be involved with the funeral for Charlie.
But I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything more to Dad. I couldn’t let this minor disappointment get too far to me. I had to hide deeper into the darkness than ever before. I had to hide somewhere else but here. But I’d already run away once I couldn’t do it again. I’ll simply just be here and focus on schoolwork and chores. Forget about Charlie. For everyone’s sake.
**** **** **** ****
The funeral was tomorrow and Dad had finally come home, but Mom didn’t even stop to say hi to him when he did come back. She just glared. I wished they realized that doing this childish behavior they were destroying their kids. Michelle and Valencia only wanted me to tuck them in because when the asked Mom or Dad they would fight over that the best parent should be able to do it. Valencia actually started bawling once. I felt bad for them; I mean I wasn’t the only one to lose someone so close. Everyone was the victim.
Then again the drunk driver that had crashed into us didn’t even need to go have a visit in the hospital. He didn’t even get charged with murder. He only had to pay a small fine of four hundred dollars. I remember, despite being in court in front of a very powerful judge, screaming at him saying, “You think four hundred dollars is equal to a human life?” The judge said that it wasn’t as much as I human life but close enough. I had to be escorted by a bailiff.
I slowly walked back to my room. I was traveling down the hall when I heard a small sobbing sound coming from Ben’s room. Ben bawling? This was really tearing apart our family. How could this be happening to us? This was not what I bargained for. I wanted a happy life in Sunshine Ville like everyone else, but I guess that’s why we’re all individuals because no one’s situation’s the same.
I tapped on his door and a croaky voice said, “Come in.”
I knew he knew it was me or he would have asked, “Who is it?” in an a lot more composed voice.
I rushed in and saw him on his bed sitting near the edge softly crying. His face was streaked with tears, his hair was pointing out at weird angles, and his eyes were bright red. He was being tortured. I really felt bad for him. I was empathic to him, everyone in this family can be.
“What’s wrong?” I asked even though I knew the answer.
“I think you know what’s wrong with this horrible family.” He spat the words out like a sour lemon.
“You’re right, I do. Maybe I can help?” I said sitting down next to him.
“Unless you can bring Charlie back and make Mary and Robert stop fighting I don’t think you can help much.” The way he said Mom and Dad as Mary and Robert bugged me.
“Why are you calling them Mary and Robert?” I asked deeply concerned.
“Why do you call them Mom and Dad? Face it they aren’t acting like parents. Parent’s would think about their kids first and try not to fight. They don’t do that anymore.” He said rubbing his eyes.
“You can’t blame them, I mean, they lost Charlie too.” I said.
“This isn’t about Charlie anymore! This is about how Mary and Robert are thinking about getting a divorce!” He bellowed tears rushing out of his eyes, spilling on his shirt.
It hit me like a blow to the chest. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t know everything that went on in this household. That I had missed some very important information, which could hold the secret of success or failure. That my own parents didn’t even want us to know. Were they even thinking about Michelle or Valencia? They were only ten, they couldn’t have divorced parents. That would surely crush them. I had to find a way that we could all come together again. With the funeral coming up that was my only chance.
**** **** **** ****
We were getting ready to go to the funeral when I looked in the hall mirror to see if I was fit to go. I saw my dull silk black dress that clung to my every curves shimmering before me. My hair was now reaching all down my back as it glowed. My eyes were sad and yearning. I wished that this wasn’t Charlie’s funeral.
I walked sadly down the stairs and met my parents at the bottom. Mom’s face was bright red; it looked like she had been crying. Dad was standing next to her like he didn’t even notice that she was in distress. They were in a fight and I could tell.
Michelle stood next to the kitchen counter in her bright white dress looking like she was about to bawl. Where was Valencia? Was she hurt? Michelle must have read the expression on my face and said, “Valencia isn’t coming. She doesn’t want anything to do with what was Charlie.”
“She’s not coming? What does she mean ‘with what was Charlie’?” I said enraged now.
“Charlie’s dead and she doesn’t want to see him. We should respect her wishes.” Michelle said with wisdom beyond her years gleaming in her eyes.
“Fine I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t want her there anyways.” I said rudely.
“Well is everyone here that’s coming?” Dad said right before a fight broke out.
“I guess.” Mom said her fragile voice.
We all headed out to our newly repaired Tahoe. I didn’t want to get anywhere near that demon car. That only brought bad news. I knew I was acting silly, like a frightened dog was to people after been beaten, but that was my reaction to the situation. I wasn’t going to ride in that Tahoe.
“I can’t ride in that car.” I said.
“Why not, Sharron?” Dad said his patience shorting.
“That’s the car that ended Charlie’s life.” I stated. I saw the way Mom shuttered at the thought of her dead child but I didn’t care.
“Let’s not start this again. Get in the car.” Dad said opening the door and beckoning me in.
I wasn’t going in there.
“No. I can’t ride in that car.” I said slightly louder this time.
“Sharron, stop acting like a child. Get in.” His voice rising with mine.
“NO! I CAN’T RIDE IN THAT CAR!” I screamed. It echoed through the neighborhood.
“Sharron, please get in the car.” Ben said. He knew that he was the only one that I would listen to now.
“Fine but I won’t like it.” I said climbing in.
I whole ride was terrible. I was shaking the whole way there. Tremors of shock shot through my body every few seconds. I was so scared. I didn’t trust myself to even talk because I would probably cry. We arrived and we saw that the church meeting hall was filled up in black. I couldn’t believe how much black the day could hold. I didn’t like the thought of all the people that would be here in just a few minutes. They would pretend that they really did care and the truth would be that they just came for the food.
The food looked inappropriate to the gathering we were having. It looked all too happy to be here for a funeral. It looked sickly sweet to me. The little cute sandwiches and little Jell-o. It was sickening. I couldn’t believe that Mom and Dad had happy food; this was supposed to be sad. I guess they really didn’t care all that much. Maybe the sad food cost more, I thought.
The ceremony began. People went up to talk that I had never seen before and so did Mom and Dad. Ben was supposed to go next but he didn’t want to cry in front of everyone. That left me to go up in front of all those unfamiliar faces and talk. I slowly walked over to the stage and climbed clumsy on. I stood next to the microphone for a good thirty seconds then began to talk.
“As most of you know I am Charlie’s eldest sister and as we weren’t very close in age we were very close in the heart. We were something more than brother and sister, we were best friends. I didn’t know what to think when he…got hurt. I knew that he could make it out of the coma, I didn’t know he would be faced with cardiac problems during that time he was so vulnerable.
I thought that things like this,” I beckoned around the church hall, “could never happen to me. I thought that these things only happen in the movies that I would always have my little brother beside me. Now I know that things like this can happen and that they really do hurt. I found shortly after Charlie died this.” I said holding up the picture Charlie had drew of him and me. In the picture we were holding hands. I felt a tear slide down my cheek.
“I know that we had something very special. I don’t care if he’s dead or not he’ll always be my little brother. And I will always love him. I’ll never forget the times we shared with each other or anything of the sort. He will always live…in my heart.” I didn’t want to go on but I had to.
“And now I know that Charlie’s death wasn’t my fault, it was the drunk drivers fault. I know now that Charlie would have died anyways due to a tumor growing near his heart, which sent him in to Cardiac arrest. I know that now. I will always love him and never forget him. I love you, Charlie.” And that’s how I ended my speech with ‘I love you, Charlie’.
I hurried off the stage and sat down in my sit. It was a relief to know that it wasn’t my fault he had died. The doctors did an autopsy and found a tumor on his heart which was the cause of his death. Not me. Relief washed through my soul and out. I knew that I could let go of Charlie’s death and still remember him. The rest of the funeral went by in a blur.
**** **** **** ****
I started going back to school and I was getting my grades up. No know asked about what had happened because they already knew. The only one who didn’t know was Alex. He did come home right at the end of the year. It was great to have him back but he seemed different. I didn’t care I probably seemed different too. More mature and grown up.
Alex and I had hung out a little but he seemed as if he wanted something more or was far off, somewhere else. Like where he had been had been something very fun or a complete drag. Knowing Alex it was probably a complete drag, he was just like that. That had Alex written all over that. He didn’t like people much and he wanted his mom’s attention twenty-four seven. I didn’t blame him though, or bring it to his attention. I wanted to tell him about Charlie but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I mean I wasn’t afraid he just didn’t bring it up. I would wait till he brought it up himself. That’s exactly what I would do.
I heard the phone ring next to me. I looked down at it, but I didn’t remember that number.
“Hi, Sharron?” Came a very familiar voice.
“Alex, is that you?” My voice was shaky. How could that be Alex? He was gone most of the summer. Where had he been anyways?
“Yeah. It’s me Alex. I just wanted to call and ask how things are in your life?” His voice was hesitant. I could tell he was holding back something.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
“So what do you want to tell me?” He said neutrally.
“It’s about Charlie.” I said quietly. I couldn’t cry, I was getting over Charlie’s death not sticking with it.
“What’s wrong with Charlie?” He asked his voice iced over.
“He’s gone.” I sputtered out.
“Gone? Like beyond the grave?” He said. I could hear the concern in his voice. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Charlie’s dead.” I said quickly.
He was quiet. I hated when he was quiet that meant that he was thinking hard. That meant that he didn’t know how to comfort me. That meant that I was back near the beginning.
“I hate to burden you more, but there are a few things I planned on telling you. Do you mind if I tell you those things?” He said in a pained voice. I just knew he cared about me.
“I don’t mind, go on.” I urged. I wanted to get a burden off of his chest like he did to me. It felt good to have a light chest again. Everything was remotely the same except Charlie was missing. I knew that he was safe, though. I knew that he was happy and that he wanted us to be happy as a family. So I was trying to be happy.
“Well you remember that I went to that camp for most of the summer. I’m not quite sure if you knew that I got lost. When I was lost I had some pretty wild adventures. I got really sick and now I’m in the hospital. I’ve got three months to live.” He choked out. No, I thought franticly. This couldn’t be happening again, to everyone I loved and cared about, were disappearing right before my very eyes. They were all dying. And I was the only one living.
But without Alex I would have nothing to go on for. The only thing I ever wanted was him to come home and comfort me. I didn’t really think he had problems of his own, I only thought about myself. I was selfish. I wanted to roll under a rock and die. Life wasn’t worth living for if he was dead too. Him and Charlie. Just wasn’t worth it.
“So what you’re trying to say is that you’re dying?” I said tears blocking my vision. “You’re going to die and leave me here too? Just like Charlie did? Why is the world so cruel?” I said my voice rising with my warm tears streaming down my face. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten angry but I did. How could he, of all people, leave me? I didn’t want to be sad anymore I had just gotten over Charlie’s death and now this. Alex was dying, I couldn’t really comprehend it.
It was like the sun without the moon, peanut butter without jelly, earth without gravity, dog without its master. Some things were meant to be and these were not one of them. This was flat out wrong; it went against everything I lived for.
“Yes, I’m dying. It’s actually not that bad. But I’m not going to leave you. I mean even if I do die it’s not like I’m not somewhere else. I mean eventually you’ll die and wherever it is that dead people go we will both be there.” He said in a cheerful voice.
How could he be that way? He was dying wasn’t he sad?
“And Sharron. The world isn’t cruel.” He added.
Yes it is, I badly wanted to say but I held my tongue and stayed quiet. This was his last moments I didn’t want to poison them with my bitterness. I didn’t want him to remember me as a hard cold person that I now was. I wanted him to remember me as a fun loving girl that loved the outdoors and racing around the track. I wanted him to remember me as the real me.
“But you’re dying. Aren’t you afraid?” I said my voice shaking. I didn’t want him to die, he just couldn’t. This was harder then letting Charlie go because Charlie just went without words, Alex was dying slowly.
“…Yes.” He said finally after a while.
“Then why are you acting like this is normal to die like this? Why are you dying anyways?” I almost screamed. I didn’t want him to be afraid of me too.
“Sharron, it is normal to die. I guess I have some deadly infection and there’s just no way…” He stopped. I could hear his voice cracking like dry ice.
“To cure it.” I finished his sentence for him. That’s what happens when you are around someone so much, you get to know them so well that you are part of them. So now that he was dying I was too.
“Yeah. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. So how has your summer vacation been?” He said changing the subject faster than a speeding bullet.
“You won’t be fine. You’ll be dead!” I screamed.
My mom came into the room looking scared.
I covered my hand over the phone and whispering, “It’s okay, Mom. Its just Alex.”
I uncovered the phone again. I wanted to hear what he had to say about my outraged tone.
“Alex, I already lost someone close to me, don’t make me do it again. I’m finally whole again hearing your voice, don’t hurt me Alex. Please.” I pleaded into the phone, new tears falling down my face. He couldn’t hurt me, not after Charlie. Oh please not after Charlie. He just couldn’t do it.
“Sharron, some things you can’t control. Come on you know this better than anyone else. You’re smart and somehow this thought might not have occurred to you.” He said harshly.
I hated him. He was going to leave me. I just knew it.
“Alex, did it ever occur to you that I never did lose hope in Charlie’s case that I kept on fighting when no one else did? That I am not losing hope in your case just because you have!” I shouted. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was dying inside and no one could see that. I wasn’t the same anymore. It’s like breaking a horse, it will never be wild again no matter how hard you try because their spirit has changed. In a way it’s like they died. Never to return.
“Do you sometimes wish that thins could go back to the way they had been before the car accident?” He said patiently.
“Yes. Why? Alex, why?” I was getting worried he wasn’t answering. He did say he was going to die. What if he already had? I didn’t want those to be the last words I said to him. Never in a million years would I have wanted to depart like that.
“Don’t worry about me. I have three months to do whatever I want.” He said in a far off voice.
“You might want to spend that time with your mom now that she will pay attention to you. Like you said you have three months to live…” I couldn’t say anymore. My life was crumbling around me again. I couldn’t take anything I was dished out in this life. I needed to die. But I couldn’t just leave Mom and Dad and Michelle and Valencia alone. I couldn’t even leave Ben alone.
“I an terribly sorry. Alex can’t talk right now. I’m his doctor and we had to give him some Morphine to dull his terrible pain. He had been pushing the nurse button for almost fifteen minutes. You should talk to him later. He’ll be awake in three hours.” The doctor said rudely. He probably had said it nicely but everything I heard was harsh now.
“Wait! I need to tell him something.” I said quickly. “It’s very important.” I added.
“I…He just fell out of bed. I’ll let him talk to you later.” He said.
“I really need to tell him something! Doctor, please?” I said. The doctor’s voice sounded really familiar. Something like Dr.Smiths.
“I’ll give him the phone right now.” He said handing the phone over.
“Hello?” Came the voice I loved.
“I just wanted to say that I’d be okay if you chose to stay ho