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Allergies part 5
2 weeks later.............
Eventually it became impossible to completely avoid him. Fate brought us together once again.
One night i was taking a walk around town, not going anywhere specifically, just wanting to feel the moist cool fresh air in my lungs, wanting to get out, escape my room with all the memories of my treacherous boyfriend. The smell of coffee led me right to Starbucks. i had just gotten myself a cappuccino about to leave, when i saw something that naturally made my heart beat faster. Him, seated casually on a stool near the window. Despite all circumstances, i found myself walking right up to him saying "Greg!! Your out of the hospital!!". He was still staring out the window. i saw his lips curl up in a smile. Before i knew what i was doing, i took the stool next to him. we both looked out at the world in front of us, the night sky lighted by the city life.
Finally he replied "yeah. They let me out just a few days ago".
"You look really good" i said trying to brighten the mood. It was true, though. His face had retained it's normal color. And he was back to the golden haired, hazel eyed, charming, and cool-clothed guy i had known for so long. In fact, if i hadn't shed many tears for him, if the horrible moment in the hospital hadn't happened, the moment that ended with me running away in tears, and Greg not calling after me, if our relationship was all smiles and no complication........... Then this would be a joyous moment, spent in hugs and kisses, love and relief.....such happiness that he was alright..........
But, with our past lingering between us, the moment of right now, was anything but.
It was now or never. i couldn't waste another second wondering or avoiding the situation. What was hovering in the air above us had to come down. We couldn't avoid it any longer. We couldn't live life a lie. We couldn't lie to ourselves anymore. i asked him "Greg, baby. In the hospital, when you told me that you loved me & wont let an allergy get in the way of us..........those sweet, sweet words you whispered......did you mean any of them?". Shockingly, my voice wasn't shaking, and neither was i. My voice was full and calm & i was in perfect confidence. No matter which answer i got, i would be alright with it. i would make it through. Cause now i understood my heart. i knew it now.
G was silent. He still didn't look at me. i continued, refusing to hold back the truth "You said it with a weak smile, weak from your pain. You keep avoiding answers, your heart wasn't in it. Your brain convinced you, but your heart lie far away.........it was what i needed to hear. Even if i knew you were lying, i denied myself of my true feelings. Not anymore though". i took a deep breath. Here goes.......... "i ran away in tears, and you didn't call after me. You came out of the hospital, and you didn't call me. You tried, but at the same time, you hesitated. And i just know, deep inside you don't want it. Don't torture yourself. Let's act on it" i continued "I'm not mushy & I'm not clingy or emotional or sensitive. But around you, I burst at any second. I'm not myself. Because i was desperate for something i wanted so bad. And you gave it to me. i became attached to the feeling of excitement of having a boyfriend. The feeling you gave me. i didn't feel so bad. But, what i loved most, was how you took me away from my life, my problems, and made it so the world was just the 2 of us. That was all i wanted. To escape my boring, and a bit sad world, where i was just a goth with dark music, and people pulling at me to do something big. i hated the stress and boredom of reality. You took me away from reality. Every night, you distracted me. And i wanted to stay in that world you brought me, the world where i felt special. i loved that feeling. i never loved you though. But i thought i did. Guess we both didn't know what love was". I'm pretty brave for saying all this. My breathe was coming in short gasps. It had to be let out. And now it was. Time was suspended in the air as i waited for his reply.
Slowly he said in a low voice "Your right. i feel guilty about it. All the other girls..........they usually ran away because of my allergy.......But you stayed. You still liked me. And i think maybe you knew your feelings but when you discovered my allergy, your deep compassion made you stay. Your a remarkable person Rebecca, but I'm just not the guy for you. i loved the fact that you stayed. That i could charm you, feel the warmth of your lips that took me away from reality........ Around you i don't feel like a freak. i feel normal. Something i never felt before. I'm sorry.........."
i nodded. i wasn't guilty or heartbroken or anything. There was a game and we were both in on it. Deceiving ourselves. But now we were stronger people. i didn't need his world anymore, and he didn't need me to boost his self esteem either. He was a great guy........but this was not how a relationship ought to be.
FINALLY Greg looked at me. REALLY looked at me. eye contact, big smile on his face...........my joy to see his healthy face was overwhelming. i could've kissed it all.... and my joy that he finally looked at me struck me too. i couldn't be more glad.
Once again, we were the only ones in the room. He was looming so close.........With a sly smile he said "i know you still feel a bit guilty about the hospital thing. You may feel like you sent me there or whatever. Well i can tell you this: i forgive you fully. 100 % And to show you this, I'm gonna give you something you'd never think you'd witness again". he took my hand. i grinned. i knew just what he was gonna do. my heart sizzled and melted as i followed him eagerly outside. As soon as the Starbucks door slammed shut behind us, he fastened his arms around my waist. i fastened mine around his neck. We smiled looking into each others eyes, i got caught in his stunning hazel eyes, twinkling in the light.
Then, just as quickly, we leaned in and our lips met once again, in a long, deep, passionate kiss. i got to taste his lips, his lovely taste of love. One last time. Just what we both wanted.
The first snowflakes of the winter began to fall
The end (but technically this is NOT the end because there's an epilogue)