Back to December | Teen Ink

Back to December

April 6, 2011
By marjean94 BRONZE, Sayreville, New Jersey
marjean94 BRONZE, Sayreville, New Jersey
3 articles 34 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live your life knowing that your potential is so much greater then you can even comprehend yourself."
"...People change and promises are broken, clouds will move and skies will be wide open."

“It’s nice to see you again.”--I started, uneasy--“What’s up with you? It’s been awhile.”

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while.

“I’ve been good, I just started taking some college classes at night and I got a new job, I mean it’s not the best but it pays the bills…”

You've been good, busier than ever…

“So what have you been up to?”--he continued--“Last I heard you got a promotion.”
“Yeah, I’ve been promoted from intern to assistant…not really a big deal…”
“That’s really good…see I told you you’d get it.”
My eyes wondered off in different directions, as did his. It felt even more awkward then it was before.
I broke the silence, “So…The weathers nice…”---he nodded

We small talk, work and the weather…
Your guard is up and I know why.

“At least the weather’s not as cold as the last time we saw each other.” I added. I’m so dense, why would I bring that up…?
He smiled uncomfortably, rolling on the balls of his feet.

'cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind


I walked to the front door, I knew it was my boyfriend; we were going out to dinner tonight. We’ve been together for a little over a year.
I opened the door; and he gave me an immense hug and kiss (like he hasn’t seen me in weeks). His red pick-up truck was parked in my drive way. The truck was his grandfathers when he got married, so yeah---it’s old.
We went to this really---kind of--- fancy, Italian restaurant.
It was nice but was sort of expensive. “How can you afford this?” I joked with him.
He reached into his pocket a pulled out his wallet; he slid out the credit card.
“You have a credit card?”
“No, it’s my sister’s…”
“Oh, rebel…” I laughed.
“Don’t worry; she let me borrow it for tonight.”
“She did?” Trust me I know his sister and she is not that generous.
“Okay…I took it from her, but I’ll put it back without her looking, she’ll never know.”
“Don’t you think she’ll find out when the bill comes in the mail?” I pointed out.
“Right…oops…” I laughed as he paid the bill with her credit card.
After “he” paid, we left, only we didn’t go straight to the truck.
“Where are we going? It’s freezing.”
“You’ll see…”
“The park?” I asked as we walked through.
He smiled, “Wait here.”
I obliged.
He went behind the bushes and put something behind his back.
“There are still two weeks until Christmas.” I informed him, mainly because I didn’t get a chance to buy him a present yet.
He walked up to me slowly. When he finally was in front of me, he bent down on one knee; holding a bouquet of red roses in one hand and a ring in the other, “Will you marry me?”
I had no expression on my face, I never expected him to propose. We were too young; it was not the normal thing to do now-a-days. We haven’t even started college yet, we just graduated high school, I wasn’t ready we weren’t ready for that kind of commitment.

I backed up slowly and left, leaving behind the bouquet and an empty, blue velvet ring box and him. I cried the entire walk home.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

The past few days, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking of him. I felt alone.
These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leavin'

I kept deciding whether or not I should call him and wish him a happy birthday…I decided against it.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall

Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"

(Present Time)

“Look, I’m really sorry…” I choked out.
So this is me swallowing my pride

“For what?” he asked. I think he’s playing ignorant.

“For that night, for everything…” There was no response from him.

Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night".
“I think about what happened all the time…I just needed time to think.” I continued.
And I go back to December all the time.

“I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment to someone. I didn’t want to be settled down before I started college or my career. I didn’t want to be held back from achieving my goals in life.”
“I never would have held you back…” he chimed in.
“I know that, now. I miss you. I want someone to come home to after work and school. ” I started--

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

--“If I could go back in time to that night, I would turn back around and run into your arms; I would.”

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

“You hurt me real bad; I don’t think there is anyway we could ever get back together. It was your call and you ended it. I loved you.” My heart sank.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

“I’ll see you around” Was the last thing he said before he turned his heel and walked away, leaving me broken.

I really thought he’d forgive me,I thought we would get back together but…

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right...

I lost my only chance…

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I'd go back to December all the time.
All the time

The author's comments:
This is based on the song by Taylor Swift.

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