Romeo | Teen Ink


June 8, 2012
By Apollo77 PLATINUM, Brunswick, Ohio
Apollo77 PLATINUM, Brunswick, Ohio
20 articles 0 photos 103 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”
"Madame, all stories, if continued far enough, end in death, and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you."
-Ernest Hemingway

Did my heart love till now! Foreswear it sight, for I never saw true beauty 'til this night.
Romeo ran for the trench and ducked down with his hands over his head, gripping his too large helmet and praying that he wasn't dead. But that is what people did in wars, he thought. People die and their families grieve and then new people are born to try again.
This war was merciless, though. So many people he had to watch be taken onto a ship to leave for the fight, and never return, and then he would go home and find Juliet praying that it wouldn't be him the next time. But it was, and poor Juliet is left home to deal without him. But they were calling it the Great War, the War to end all wars. He hoped that when he made it back to Juliet they wouldn't have to send their son off as well.
But then there came another shell, this one just a little closer, and Romeo screamed and he heard the rest of his comrades scream and he had time to just glimpse the sun peaking shyly over the horizon one last time before it all disappeared...

And then he was back in America. He could tell not because there were huge neon signs pointing to the earth and claiming "Welcome Home Romeo", but because off in the distance he could see her, sitting on a bench outside of the mail house in their home city. And he couldn't help himself from trying to run to her, to pull her up into his arms and stroke her long pale hair and to assure her that he would never leave again, but he couldn't move. Why couldn't he move? Then she stood up and he could see that she had been crying from the long streaks of wet on her cheeks and from the way that her nose crinkled. She always crinkled her nose when she was upset in a way that he used to think was so adorable. And then she tried to walk, but stumbled and fell flat on her beautiful face, the letter she was holding in her little hand flying down the street in the breeze. But she didn't move to catch it. She didn't even move to pick herself up.
Romeo screamed at her to pick herself up. He tried to run to her and comfort his poor Juliet and tell poor Juliet that she had to be okay; that when he woke up from this terrible nightmare and came home to her she could have whatever she wanted. She could have one of those motorcars that she thought were so fascinating or she could have a mansion to live in. Or he could find her an island that they could live on in total isolation, where no more wars could tear them apart.
But then she was screaming, while crawling into a ball in the middle of the dirty road, right in the middle of town. She was screaming for him, with such a heartbreaking voice that if he hadn't already been dead he would have died instantly in hearing it.
And then people came by. Romeo recognized the men from the grocery and the women from the neighboring houses on their street, who started to cry when they realized what had happened. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from his poor Juliet.
And as he watched he heard her heart break as loud as an avalanche. And wondered if he could ever could have prevented it. Would he have been able to not have seen her and so easily fallen in love? And so Romeo cursed his cursed sight, and the truest beauty that he had seen that beautiful night.
And Juliet thanked heaven for knowing her Romeo at all, and for the night that came on the night that he died, and for the dagger that she always left on her bedside...

The author's comments:'s not a spin off of Romeo and Juliet so much as me wanting to show the tragedy of everyday couples who get disregarded with possibly the most famous tragic couple. You see, these are the people who die unceremoniously behind the main character in the middle of a movie. No one cares about them...They have lives too!

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This article has 11 comments.

on Mar. 16 2013 at 6:44 pm
thatbloggingDirectionergirl BRONZE, Memphis, Tennessee
3 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” —Chuck Palahniuk

if you add more elizabethan language and knockout a few grammar issues it'd be perfect.

on Jul. 25 2012 at 2:36 pm
FlameSeeker373 SILVER, Richmond, Texas
6 articles 3 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...Magic is just science that we don't understand yet..."

Arthur C. Clark

That was powerful!!! I really liked it. The story shows how war can really rip families apart. Great work.

on Jul. 14 2012 at 9:26 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 178 comments
Woahh this was super good. The plot line and the ending are just so powerful and I absolutely love it;  I wish it had lasted longer! Your style is a little choppy and some of your word choice is poor but if you edited a lil bit I think it'd be even stronger than it is now. Also, (not bad or good) I felt like a good fraction of it sounded like poetry. Keep writing!

paige14 GOLD said...
on Jul. 13 2012 at 8:40 am
paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
17 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Say what you need to say--John Mayer

Just to reiterate what others have said, there is so much emotion in this piece, but I get a bit lost trying to figure out what is actually happening.

on Jul. 12 2012 at 5:18 pm
KenyaLove41 GOLD, Dallas, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Nothing is Impossible, the word itself says 'I'm Possible!'" ~ Audrey Hepburn
"Good writing is only bad writing revised"~ Unknown

This peice definately has alot of raw emotion that i enjoyed though I have to agree with MetalHead36 that some part were confusing especially the beginning of the second paragraph.

on Jul. 12 2012 at 12:08 pm
Metalhead36 SILVER, Amherst, Massachusetts
8 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality. - Edgar Allan Poe

I like the raw emotion. It's tough, and it hits you, it's nice. The story itself though can be a bit confusing, some parts I had to read over. The emotion is fantastic, but be careful of running sentences on.

on Jul. 12 2012 at 9:12 am
WSwilliams GOLD, Toronto, Ontario, Other
12 articles 3 photos 95 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you keep writing, you will pick up structure. You will pick up form

- Richard Matheson

You put a lot of feeling and emotion here, so I appreciate that. It would have been more realistic if you could put a little more elizabethan in Romeo's speech. Either than that, great job!

on Jul. 11 2012 at 9:14 pm
Cooper_W SILVER, Atlanta, Georgia
8 articles 0 photos 12 comments

I think you've got a good idea going here. Lots of emotion. It could use a little editing - you slip from past to present tense a few times and start sentences off with "but" a bit too often for my liking but I think you've got a powerful piece here that could shine through with a few rewrites. 

Also just a aesthetic suggestion, maybe italicize the quote at the beginning, or put it in quotes?

on Jun. 27 2012 at 8:38 pm
these-roses GOLD, Bristol, Indiana
14 articles 2 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
so many books, so little time

i like this. i like the poetic begining and ending to it. and i love the emotion.

on Jun. 27 2012 at 8:38 pm
these-roses GOLD, Bristol, Indiana
14 articles 2 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
so many books, so little time

i like this. i like the poetic begining and ending to it. and i love the emotion.

on Jun. 27 2012 at 8:38 pm
these-roses GOLD, Bristol, Indiana
14 articles 2 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
so many books, so little time

i like this. i like the poetic begining and ending to it. and i love the emotion.