The Temple | Teen Ink

The Temple

June 28, 2015
By gladinorsk SILVER, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
gladinorsk SILVER, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
7 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2

(I'm not clumsy. I just do random gravity checks...Yep, still works!)

The girl’s presence sent a pulse through the narrow, arching hall. Curses perched on the rafters, eyeing the trespassing human. They found something disdainful in the arrogant angle of her chin and the determined set of her face. The blackness, coiled in the crannies below, silently clawed at the hem of her dress. Unaware, she walked on. The only magic visible to her were the shrines lining both sides of the hall. Each shrine displayed an enchanted object with powers even she could interpret with a glance. Love, Riches, Pleasure, Appearance. She gave each a generous, unimpressed look as she passed.

At the Shrine of Power, she stopped. Its magnetism wafted out and landed like cold air at her feet. The Curses jostled each other, shocked that the arrogant girl would succumb so quickly. They watched the magnetism stack, beginning to bind her foolishly still feet…


The girl smirked. Then, slowly, she turned and continued her leisurely stroll down the hall. She didn’t glance back. As she passed more shrines, she noticed that they began to display objects with very different powers. One would bring justice; another, peace. Another would grant her the perfect husband and children, if she would only take it out of the Temple.

Her pace began to increase, her eyes barely glancing at each object. She murmured, “You promised, and you will keep your promise. So it’s harder than you thought. Big deal. But it will be a big deal if you don’t. It’s not worth it, it’s really not, so just follow the instructions and—”



The girl whirled around. She could feel rapid pulsing in her throat. She should probably just— Splash! Splash! Splash! Then she heard, or, perhaps, thought she heard, a muted gurgling sound. She suddenly pictured someone drowning, his frantic cries lost in the water. This thought, though, only increased her apprehension. Someone calling for help was exactly the sort of trick those foolish girls always fell for in the folktales. “Don’t be stupid,” she whispered. She drew closer.


Squinting into the darkness, she made out a doorframe, carved with strange markings. Past it, short steps lead into a small, rectangular pool. Her eyes saw the water just as the last waves died out. Now perfectly still, the water appeared nearly black in the dimness of the Temple. Suddenly, she grabbed the side of the doorframe, as if to stay her feet. She closed her eyes, fingering the carvings. Her suspicion that she should avoid the pool wrestled with her desire, her almost need, to investigate. She realized how stifling it had become and imagined wading into the cool water…



Her eyes flew open. Waves frolicked over the surface. “Who’s there?!” she hissed. She waited, watching the waves die out. Her fear mounted, expanding against her chest and sending an uncanny hollowness through her limbs. She crossed her arms. “I’m not getting any closer to that water until you tell me who and what you are…and maybe not even then!” She waited.




“You know what? I don’t like this. I’m leaving.”


 “Wait!” A column of water spouted into the air. The bottom of the column seemed to hover a few inches above the surface of the pool. When the column disappeared, the invisible voice rasped, “Step in…see me.”


 “No thanks.” She backed away, prepared to run at any instant. “You’re evil. Admit it.”


 “Noooo! This place is evil, not me! I’m trapped…want to get out…” The words faded in and out, as if an invisible barrier existed between her and the pool. The girl walked away—

“…I’m a water dragon, I…”


She stopped. After creeping back, she peered around the doorframe. The invisible voice kept begging her to come back, even as she approached the pool. Somehow, the realization that he couldn’t see her either gave her confidence. Quietly, she waded down the steps into the pool. Up to her waist in the water, she still couldn’t see any water dragon. She’d give it a few more seconds. Her eyes feverously scanned the surface.


Suddenly, something latched onto her hand, her arm. Flailing backwards, she yanked her hand out of the water as a shriek escaped her lips. Then, she saw it. The smallest dragon she had ever seen had coiled itself around her arm. His smooth, reptilian body was a vibrant blue. Instead of wings, like most dragons had, he had fins and a long, slender tail. His beady eyes sparkled with the stereotypical dragon sass and vanity, yet he lowered his head submissively. “Master,” he rasped.


A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. Her eyes were intense as they swept over the dripping creature, embracing him with their gaze. His expression of admiration and loyalty cut straight to her heart. As one of the keepers of the royal dragons, she had longed to have a dragon treat her with the respect which they reserved exclusively for their masters. And now this beautiful, majestic creature wanted to be hers. Her heart thrilled! Then duty writhed in her gut, churning until she said it. I’m not your master. I can’t be. I’m on a mission for the king himself, and I can’t bring you out. The words lined up on her tongue, waiting for her to release them. It wouldn’t take much. Deep breath, open mouth…


“How did you get here?” Instantly, she imagined smacking herself on the forehead.


“I was hatched here, in this pathetic little teardrop,” he explained. “For centuries, writhing around in the water was my entire existence. Then the visions came, beautiful visions, of the world outside. Of the ocean.” He brightened and grew more animated. “Imagine all the wonders in its vast space! There, I could grow into the tremendous Sea Monster I am! But I’ve always feared that I’d never get out. That I’d die alone, and no other living creature would ever know I existed. But now I’m free,” he bent his head and met her gaze, “because of you.”


The girl was vigorously shaking her head. She tried to speak, but he cut her off.

 “Though I imagined this day a million different ways, I never thought that such a beautiful princess would come to rescue me.”


She had to look away as she spoke. “I wish I could be that princess! But I’m a peasant, bound to serve the king.” She risked one glance at the dragon, but was too distraught to read his expression. Her next words tumbled out in a rush. “His Majesty’s been cursed; he’s started to fade away. The magicians and wizards can’t cure him without the Stone of Solidity, hidden in this Temple.”


“Temple?! This is a prison,” the dragon spat.


“No wonder you feel that way,” the girl remarked, lightly stroking one of his fins. “The Temple’s been invisible for centuries, almost a forgotten legend.”

“Wh—? Invisible?!” He shuddered. “All this time, I didn’t even know how trapped I really was!” Then his head jerked up, his eyes bright. “Wait! But it’s visible now, so…”


“No, listen,” she stopped him. “I know that you’re hoping this means you’re free, but it’s just not that way. You have to understand—the Temple was invisible to hide the enchanted objects until one of them is needed. It became visible to make that object available, but the others are still protected. Removing one of them would trigger disaster. That’s why I can’t bring you out, don’t you see? I can’t. I promised the magicians and wizards that I’d only bring out the Stone of Solidity. I wish—”


“Wait, wait. Why didn’t they just come get it themselves?”


“Because there is strange magic at work here. They say the objects themselves yearn to get out, and they use their powers to tempt anyone who enters into bringing them out. The more magic a person knows, the more the temptation affects them. And,” her voice became very quiet, “I don’t know any magic at all.”

“Who needs magic when you have a dragon? I’ll protect you, Master. Always and forever.” He rested his head on her arm, closing his eyes. “And your promise can’t change that, because I’m not an object—I’m a living being. I don’t deserve to be trapped here. Please…”


His words sent a violent twisting through her heart. She blinked rapidly. “No. No, you don’t deserve it,” she whispered. She brought him close to her chest and held him there, resting her chin on his head. Her resistance cracked. For the first time, she indulged the idea that she could actually rescue him. Her heart swelled with dizzying liberation, but it was only an illusion. Envisioning the consequences, she gathered all her resolve and whispered, “No, you don’t deserve it, but neither do the innocent people who would suffer because of the disaster that would be caused. Because I wanted you. Because I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”


 The dragon was silent. When he did speak, his voice wavered. “Yet you’re going to leave me here?”


 She gently set him down into the water. “Yes,” she breathed. Her hand rose to still her trembling lips, and she began to wade toward the steps.


“You don’t know what it’s like!” He yelled after her. “You’ll never know how much more I’ll suffer, because of you!”


“You’re right; I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things. It’s not my place to know. If I try to interfere, I’ll make things worse!” Having halted on the top step, she stood ankle-deep in the water. Even with her arms wrapped around her chest, she shivered. “All I can do is keep my word.”


“Your honor is truly inspiring,” he scoffed. “I’ll try to remember that when I think of how you abandoned me!”


 She whirled around. “Wait. If what I know about the Temple is true…” Her eyes brightened just a little. “Eventually, you will get out. You must have been put here for a reason, to be kept until you’re needed. You’ll get to be a hero and do something important.” She looked down at the water lapping against her ankles. “I’m sure this means nothing to you right now, but I can at least give you a little hope. It’s not much, but it’s all I can give you.” She let out a ragged breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Master,” the dragon said. “Ocean is streaming out of your eyes.”


She let out a hysterical hiccup. “Goodbye. I’ll miss you.” With that, she stepped out of the pool and disappeared from the dragon’s sight.

The author's comments:

This piece was inspired by a single piece of artwork titled Water Dragon by Anne Stokes (who posts as Ironshod on deviantart). 

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This article has 8 comments.

ellwist SILVER said...
on Aug. 23 2015 at 12:05 am
ellwist SILVER, Surabaya, Other
6 articles 2 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They only let you be this happy when they're preparing to take something from you." -Khaled Hosseini, the Kite Runner.

I found this piece in particular entertaining though I was sort of wishing it had something more for it. It's a world filled with magic and wonder, and yet I was left wanting a little bit more out of it, something to give it a presence, an identity against all the other forbidden temples in the fictional realm. With that said, I liked this piece wholeheartedly and felt for the protagonist (though I think she could've been characterized better in a larger piece) instantly after she walked in, and I also liked the water dragon just as much. Good work.

Jc543 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 22 2015 at 12:38 am
Jc543 BRONZE, Bronx, NY, New York
3 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

I found your piece to be fairly entertaining, yet it could have benefited with more exposition. As mentioned by the other commenters, you have indeed crafted an interesting world filled with unique details. However, I would have loved to see life outside of the temple and the problems that seemed to be brewing there. In my opinion, that would have added more layers upon your already detailed story. As for now, the story is finely written and expresses an interesting theme of obligation. That's why I found this piece intriguing at the end. Your character adhered to this idea of responsibility, even though she could have succumbed to her selfish desire. It's a bold and unexpected move which makes the story much more engaging.

Beila BRONZE said...
on Aug. 21 2015 at 5:21 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I agree with all three of the previous comments wholeheartedly, so I won't ask you to read all that praise again. Just briefly, I agree that the penultimate paragraph has a brilliant hint of magic, as Kestrel135 and theblondechick noted, but I do also agree with theblondechick about the line of dialogue she pointed out as "awkward." In that particular place, I did feel that your writing got a little too choppy. In general, though, I completely love the entire world you've imagined and the specific characters you craft through your words. In particular, it's cool and unique to focus on this peasant girl who knows nothing of magic and holds naught but the most honest intentions, holding a conversation with a mystical, ensnared, invisible creature born from a teardrop. I found the artwork you referenced by Anne Stokes first, and then read the piece. I think you've created a beautiful tribute to her painting, and the soul of your writing perfectly matches that of her art, in my opinion. Your descriptions are spectacular, especially in the beginning. Lovely interpretation.

on Aug. 20 2015 at 1:35 pm
gladinorsk SILVER, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
7 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2

(I'm not clumsy. I just do random gravity checks...Yep, still works!)

Wow, thank you so much!!! :)

on Aug. 18 2015 at 11:27 pm
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"

This piece had me hooked from the start! I love how you draw in the reader with the third person observations from the Curses, gradually guiding the reader close to the girl until her thoughts were revealed. Your writing was fluent and enticing, which allowed the story to shine even better. I found the idea of the many objects in the Temple intriguing, especially how the Curses so easily assumed she was taken by 'power'. This suggested that most visitors would have taken power, and would never see the other, less dangerous, gifts deeper inside the Temple. I really enjoyed that she didn't take the dragon. I was truly convinced she would rescue it, but the fact that she didn't was a refreshing and much appreciated twist. Even better, she understood why it had to be done - he was needed for something else. I loved the dragon's personality. My favorite thing was probably the ending, and the line "The Ocean is streaming out of your eyes", which said so much without explicitly saying it at all. My one critique is that you began with the Curses watching her, but as events progressed they vanished entirely. I would have liked to see them reappear at the end and see their reaction at what the protagonist did. However, this might easily take away from the reader's own reaction, so it could be better to leave it as is. It was just a thought:) Overall, this was a great read with fun and believable characters, that wove in many different elements of human desires, the current events of the story, and a rich world and background for this to be built around. Brilliantly done!

Meital.S GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2015 at 2:07 pm
Meital.S GOLD, Netanya, Other
13 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein

This is so beautiful!! I love every creative detail and wonderful word choice, I am so glad I got to be exposed to an interesting fantasy story!

on Aug. 17 2015 at 9:40 am
gladinorsk SILVER, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
7 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2

(I'm not clumsy. I just do random gravity checks...Yep, still works!)

Thank you so much for such thought-out critique! I really appreciate it! :)

on Aug. 16 2015 at 10:56 pm
theblondechick GOLD, Kingsport, Tennessee
14 articles 0 photos 104 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.
And I am horribly limited.
-Sylvia Path

Wonderful, magical, SURPRISING piece. Upon reading the first line, I thought The Temple would be like many fantasy stories that I have read - there is a great turmoil and then the kickbutt girl walks in and saves the day- but I was pleasantly surprised. SHE DID NOT TAKE THE DRAGON WITH HER. I really thought she would, but atlas you are a great writer and didn't have it so. Your story is very original, well thought-out, and flows well. However, the line, "You know what? I don't like this. I'm leaving" seems a little awkward, like it doesn't quite fit with what the protagonist would say. Also, some of her reactions seems a little too noble, which can feel unrealistic, like the last line of the first paragraph. Do answer some of your questions in the forum: It did entertain me (thoroughly). I enjoyed the ended the most because it comes together so nicely. We realized that the dragon has a purpose too - even if it's not that day. Nothing seemed redundant. You have very nice prose. The ending is certainly not predictable, and it did keep me guessing. I loved the line about "Master, you have ocean in your eye." So sweet! Great story. I will keep an eye out for your future works so I can read them. Happy writing!