suicide | Teen Ink


February 28, 2008
By Anonymous

Emotional and Sexual abuse is a subject that many deal with at a personal level, but never want to talk about. Smiling couples holding hands is a normal scenario you see everyday. What if that smile is fake? What if there is a truth that you could never imagine happening? Unfortunately, sexual and emotional abuse is extremely common these days. In public, couples can seem smitten, but behind closed doors it’s a different story. The following is a true story, related by a high school student. The names were changed.

Here is a horrendous true story about a student, even though many of us think that it could never happen to us, you're wrong. An anonymous student came forward to tell her story, "My name is Jane I'm am just a normal girl, I have many friends and if you see me in the hallways I seem like I have everything together, but I am hiding a deep dark secret. St. Patrick's Day is supposed to be a great time you spend with your friends. This was how my night started out; at a college St Patrick's Day party with my new boyfriend, John, what could be better? I don't know why people live their lives always thinking everything is going to be okay because when I looked at my parents and lied to where I was going I figured I was just a regular teenager, going to have a great time. I was wrong. The night started out great and I saw some old friends there which I was glad to see since I was so afraid I wouldn't know anyone.

Everything seemed to be going my way, until I started drinking. I'm not usually a big drinker, but everyone else was so I decided to. This was my first mistake. It was around two in the morning and I could barely stand up. John said I looked tired and was going to help me to a room. Thoughts of how much of a gentleman he was to carry me were going through my mind. Unfortunately this gentleman that I know was really about to do the one thing I figured would never happen to me. I was raped.

After my attack I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore, for some reason I felt like it was my fault and that I was the biggest scum on the Earth. There isn't really much more to say about it, but after this I continued to go out with him. He became obsessed with me and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with anyone but him. Eventually he started hitting me and finally I realized I was in the wrong relationship, but it was too late I was in love with this monster.

I knew I needed to get help, I was falling fast and I knew if I didn't get out soon I would never be able to regain my life back. Three months later I finally got the nerve to end it with him, but I never got him back for what he put me through. To this day I have not reported him, I am getting help now, and I am feeling better about myself. I know I need to report him, but I can't look at him again because for some reason I would still feel guilty for putting the man I love behind bars. (John was 19 at the time)

My nightmare began, even though this was the end of John, the pain and suffering I will deal with for the rest of my life was just starting. The next couple months I broke down and wanted to just crawl in a hole and die. Not only was I not sleeping because only night terrors were haunting me, but during the day I would get hallucinations, it was if a movie would all of a sudden play in my head and it was of the rape over and over again. The day images is what was killing me, I would be laughing with my friends then all of a sudden I would have another episode and I would just put my hood up and stop communicating. I was dealing with the worst problem I could ever imagine and I was alone, I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone and I didn’t.

Months past and I still held everything inside and no one knew. I had every intention for never telling anyone, I figured it was no one’s business, plus I was embarrassed and felt guilt for the whole thing happening. The following story will shock you even more than the first; fatefully my luck was not going to change.

My friend started liking some college guy so I figured it would be good to go with her to his house because I didn’t want him trying anything that she didn’t want to do. I’m sure you can understand that now I didn’t trust college guys or any guys for that matter. I saw a guy I use to talk to a lot and he asked for my number and we started talking for the next few weeks.

One day after work I was really aggravated and he asked me to come over, he was having a small party, and after such a hard day at work I figured that this would be perfect to ease all my stress. Once there I saw Jill and I was really glad I came because I wanted to watch that new guy with her, when really I should have been worrying about myself. Once again I started drinking,(you would think I learned the first time) I thought it would make me feel better and I started talking to the college guy that showed interest in me. All of a sudden I got really emotional about John and told him the entire story, he said he was really sorry and wanted to talk upstairs so he could hear me since the music was so loud. Instead of just talking he turned the lights out and put on some loud music. Then he started kissing me I was so gone from the alcohol I kissed him back, but I don't think it was only the alcohol but the fact that I wanted to feel loved again, but then he took me and told me he was getting sex out of me. I was petrified once again I put myself into a horrible situation and I was reliving the whole thing that John did except this guy was meaner about it, if that is possible. I was in tears, I didn’t know what to do all I knew is I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone anytime soon. I was scarred and it’s a scar that will be with me for life.

Not only was this going to haunt me but after going to the gynecologist I found out that the second guy that raped me gave me high risk HPV. My doctor told me that sometimes with exercise and eating right your body can fight it off itself. After a year of having it I finally had a clear pap smear which means that I got the STD out of my body. Once again I found myself in tears, but finally this was tears of joy. My body was cured now I just had to cure my mind from the stuff I dealt with in my past.

My past shows that anything can happen and you need to be safe with everything you do. Even with your world falling apart you can still bounce back, I did, I still get my hallucinations sometimes but I just try to think of something happy instead and ignore them. I am even dating again today, it took me awhile and I am very careful with it but I am trying everything I can to lead as normal a life as possible. I hope my story will help girls be careful with who they trust and what they do, don't ruin your own life by one stupid mistake."

Teenage girls seem to fall “in love” with their boyfriend too young and too quickly before they even know the guy. Guys with a certain charm can make you feel like the luckiest girl in school. Attachment and love is what women are looking for in a man but, lets face it, most of our typical high school guys want one thing and one thing only.

A relationship can start out perfectly; sadly you might be getting yourself into your worst nightmare. The kind of nightmare you could never imagine unless you have become a victim yourself. It’s the kind of thing that no one believes will happen to them, but the facts are, one in four girls are sexually/ emotionally abused by the age of 18. (

The statistics are:

*One in three teens report knowing a friend who has been physically abused by their partner.

*One in four teens report enduring repeated verbal abuse.

*One in three teens ages 16 to 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they are in a relationship.

*One in four teenage girls say they have been pressured into having sex.

*One in four teens say their boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family and are pressured to spend time with only their partner

When a boy becomes your boyfriend, it doesn’t mean they are not capable of raping or violating you in anyway. Be careful with what you do and try not to put yourself in bad situations. Your body is your own; any kind of violation will make you feel otherwise. Some boyfriends actually think that it is their right to put their hands on you or expect sex. This isn’t true. What you do is YOUR decision. You do not belong to them. You are not property.

Fortunately, many girls go through high school with no major relationship problems. The 25% of them that do get sexually or emotionally abused should know that they are not alone. There are many programs and help lines if you need someone to talk to. February 4-8 is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness. This proves that many have to deal with the same issues. Luckily enough, now we have a week dedicated to the awareness of sexual and emotional abuse. People feel that this topic is to hard to talk about or deal with but with all of these victims we need to do something because u never know if they will pick you for their next victim. Rape and incest victims can call 1-800-656-HOPE. For personal help you can go to 5936 Glenway Ave. (922-1660) for therapy. It is conveniently close and you shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for help.

Many outsiders feel they should fall silent on this topic and never speak of its horrors. The attackers are getting away with what they are doing and we need this to stop. If everyone could see the pain and suffering the victim goes through maybe this would open people’s minds. Once victimized, women feel the need to shut down completely and hold all the pain in, when really all you need to do is get help fast. Sexual and emotional abuse is a terrible thing and shouldn’t be taken lightly. You have been traumatized and it could ruin your life if you let your attacker win.

Multiple people live their lives day-to-day never realizing what is really going on in the world; but once they hear a story of a woman raped by her boyfriend they snap back into reality and put themselves in the victims place and some even cry just thinking of the pain or the chances of that happening to them. This may stick in your mind and you can become cautious for the first time in your life, but unfortunately after a few weeks later you forget that story then once again you believe yourself to be invincible.

This girl shows the pain she was put through. Unfortunately by the time you’re 18 one out of four girls will be sexually or emotionally abused. If any reason you feel distressed or frightened by your boyfriend leave the relationship immediately. Your teenage years are very confusing and you already fight a self battle of identity. Do not add the pressure of an abused relationship. Relationships and dating in high school are very important but could be destructive in the future. Please choose wisely. You don’t want to fall into something that can completely change who you are.

Truth is rape and emotional abuse is very real these days, statistics prove it, you are not invincible and you need to stay cautious. If you are that one girl GET HELP because you are not alone. Cherish your life everyday and forget your past, because you’re worth it.

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