Becoming the Overly-Attached Girlfriend | Teen Ink

Becoming the Overly-Attached Girlfriend

December 10, 2012
By steffdawgg SILVER, Calumet, Michigan
steffdawgg SILVER, Calumet, Michigan
7 articles 27 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You miss 100% of the shots you never take" -Wayne Gretsky

There's nothing quite like the girl all of women desire to be. The one who gets all the attention, and the one who seems to have a incredible amount of confidence. The overly-attached girlfriend. She knows exactly where her man is at all times, and most of the time women envy her for her ability to have no shame in her stalking, because everyone else seem to want to hide the fact that they check his Facebook wall three times each hour. There's no doubt however, that girls get sick of trying to pretend that it's okay their boyfriend disappears for hours, then sends a text saying he was sleeping. They want to be there 24/7, and they want to feel comfortable reading his messages over his shoulder. How exactly does one become this women though, the overly-attached girlfriend?

A women has to start by moving in close. A guy craves attention, and if a women gives the guy attention, she can creep in slowly. She can start by calling him every day. Once in the morning and once at night. Increasing these phone calls always works too. A women needs to get the amount just right, so they are on the verge of annoying, almost to the point of getting dumped, yet they still have to maintain the cute, loving girlfriend image. She should always say "I love you," in an adorable, baby voice before hanging up. If he doesn't say it back, she should wait awkwardly on the line until he says it. If he still doesn't, she should give an impatient huff and hang up. Then wait five minutes and call him back, saying she's sorry for acting rude, and of course, that she loves him. (he's sure to say it back after you apologize, if your careful to use a sappy, pleading voice)

Then, the texts. Texts aren't the same as calling, because a call is slightly more personal, whereas a text can just be deleted. A woman needs to text her man every hour, and if he doesn't reply, she should send five question marks with a sad face. The frantic, 'ARE YOU ALIVE? I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU' always seems to evoke a reply also. A women must never forget the smiley faces either. After every greeting she must send about three, and of course, the good night text must contain even more than that. The girlfriend should say good night, add an 'I Love You' in there, wish them to sleep well, tell them to dream of them and to text them in the morning, with a smiley after each sentence. If the boyfriend just replies with 'night', they should send an obnoxious text in all caps demanding a 'better good night than that!' "NIGHT?? YOU DON'T EVEN CARE IF I HAVE A GOOD ONE?? OR BAD? JUST NIGHT?!! A woman must make sure that they have turned the option on on both her boyfriend's and her own phone so that she can see when exactly the guy received the message, and when it was seen.
Facebook, of course, is where the overly-attached girlfriend has full reign. Absolutely nothing is out of her reach. To gain this achievement, absolutely nothing must slip past her. When aspiring to be just like her, one must make sure to check her boyfriend's Facebook wall at least once each hour. When a girl 'likes' his photo, the girlfriend should send him five messages in all caps, demanding to know the relationship between the two, and if he is cheating on her or not. The most secure way of being absolutely sure that the girlfriend is his only baby is to hack his account, or maybe just politely ask for his password. She can make up an excuse for it, but another way is just letting him know straight-up that she wants to know what he is up to. Although gaining access to the account is a little extreme, at least she can monitor his 'pokes' and his messages.

Once the woman has gotten close, however, she must be concerned with getting dumped. Therefore, she should make sure to buy outfits he absolutely loves, and wear them all the time. She should give him small presents once every other week, such as a bag of his favorite candy. She must always remember to explain how much she truly adores him. The guy will eat it up. A cute Facebook post on his wall is necessary once a week. A perfect example is, 'Babe I love you so much!! You make me so happy!:) I love your hair today too! Call me!"

The women must also be free with compliments, and this is especially important when she is around his friends. The biggest ego booster seems to be his muscles. A subtle, "OMG, your biceps are sooo huge!" and squeezing his arm while walking past his friends should work. The girlfriend should also attend every sports practice just in case there's another broad present, and she should cheer every time her guy does anything remotely successful. When practice is over, she should follow him to the locker rooms and wait outside. If the boyfriend doesn't come out in fifteen minutes, she should start to get frantic and pace back and forth outside the door. Maybe even knock and call for him, if necessary. When the boyfriend finally emerges from the locker room, the women must fling her arms around his neck and squeal about how well he did, even if he didn't do that great. If it's an actual game, she should amplify the enthusiasm on a ratio of 1:10.

The girlfriend must be sure to be well-liked by his family, and should get close to his siblings and of course, his mother. She must become a favorite amongst his brothers and sisters, and a way to do this is, of course, to buy the children candy. But the occasional toy and random presents work even better. She should read the little ones books every time she visits, and watch T.V. with them. The girlfriend should play dress-up with the girls, and play floor hockey or video games with the boys. When visiting during a meal, the girlfriend should always help his mother in the kitchen, and offer to give her a back rub after dinner. She should make sure to be able to chat with his father about sports and such. Getting close to the family in this way ensures that the boyfriend will be too afraid to hurt his family by breaking up with his girlfriend. Not to mention, being allowed almost total access to his house makes it easy for her to sneak a peek in his room, and to check his email on his computer. A women can't trust him too much.

It's not an easy thing, becoming the overly-attached girlfriend. It takes a lot to gain this status, and perhaps even more work to maintain it. All girls have an inner overly attached girlfriend, and sometimes they can only dream of becoming one, because they just can't seem to get past their fear of being mocked or looking silly. I assure you, nothing is more rewarding than being her, and I encourage every girlfriend out there to embrace their inner ambitions. If one is aspiring to be the overly-attached girlfriend, then I truly hope that this has provided one with the knowledge on how exactly they should go about to become this women of their dreams. Become attached, I say, and never let go.

The author's comments:
This is basically a creative process-analysis essay. It was really fun to write!

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