A Hefty Dose of Guilt | Teen Ink

A Hefty Dose of Guilt

September 22, 2009
By AfraN. BRONZE, Toronto, Other
AfraN. BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 2 photos 0 comments

It is raining outside, a cold and gloomy day like no other. It is just you, the shining loonie lying abandoned on the floor and the invisible barrier separating the two of you. The only way to forge through is to break the rules. (Never take anything that does not belong to you) Yet, the temptation is too great, and your willpower, slowly declining. You reach forth, grab the dollar and shove it deep into your pocket, savouring its metallic feel. Then, reality kicks in. What have you just done? Guilt is indeed an overpowering emotion.
There is only one rule, and you broke it. You could have left it as it was, but there is no reasoning with a gluttonous mind. With no going back, you now face the consequences. The disapproving stare, the stern frowns and the guilt slowly growing and festering like a disease. Starting off as one small lapse of judgement that goes undetected, it slowly edges towards a trail of wrong, tugging on your guilty conscience metastasizing into a monster of its own. In a matter of time, it becomes a constant companion, almost a sickness shadowing your every footstep. It seems much easier, not to care.
The monster plaguing you, takes its own form. You can feel the malice oozing into your decaying soul. Where you once smiled, you now frown, and where you once shined, you now shy. The more you ignore the sensation, the more of you; it eats away until you are merely a shadow of your former self. You fight against the remorse as it drags you down to your knees, making you wish things were different. Wishing time could turn back, you find yourself awakening to emptiness in a body you no longer control. With no one to confide in, afraid of being judged, you let the cancer feast. Feast away, the principles that you have been taught, the lessons of honesty and integrity, you foolishly brushed away.
In this solitude, you feel the touch of depression, and an aspiring need to break the walls enclosed about you. As though a candle is suddenly lit, realization dawns, this angst you find myself in has no conclusion. Not, as you soon realize, if you continue the way you are. Should you allow this disease to dictate your life? Take command of your very soul? You question yourself.
Despite your strong words, however, your resolve remains uncertain. You fear that there is nothing to be done or even worse, that it is too late. No, you decide. It is better to try and fail rather than to fail to try. So you gather your courage and face what you have long since tried to hide. With open arms, you acknowledge the guilt, the cancer, and forgiveness overcomes you as you hope one day for a cure. Redemption.
She places the coin back amongst the foliage of the ground, humming to herself as she skipped on home.

The author's comments:
It started off as only a Grade 12 writing assignment and somehow suddenly became a swan. I especially like this piece, because a lot of people, including myself could relate to it. I mean, who else has been diagnosed with guilt, one time or another in their life? I guess, writing this was just my way of apologizing to those I've wronged, and I hope you can forgive me.

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