=Death Of A Loved One | Teen Ink

=Death Of A Loved One

December 14, 2010
By ShannonVictoria BRONZE, Dutch Haror, Alaska
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ShannonVictoria BRONZE, Dutch Haror, Alaska
4 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love takes time. Don't keep asking random people to go out with you. If you wait, God will send the right person to you. But if you don't, then you may never find the one you're destend to be with." -Shannon McConnell

Love. Such a beautiful word. Makes you smile. Makes your heart pound. Makes you happy. Love. I am in total love with my boyfriend Zavier. And you’ll probably ask why I love the word “love” so much anyways. Maybe it has something to do with my name, Adaya. Adaya means “Love of Life”, which is what I am to Zavier. Him and I are in so much love with each other, it’s lasted a wonderful nine months. And every day with him is better than the last.

I do everything I can to make Zavier happy. And he does the same for me. We are always together, except for at night. But when we are together, it’s like we just got together. The feeling of when you get your first boyfriend or girlfriend. The feeling of your heart rapidly pounding and your stomach in knots when you’re with the one you love. The feeling of you wanting him to wrap his arms around you gently to hug you lovingly. The feeling of you not wanting him to ever leave your side, to never let you go when he is hugging you, and to never back away when he is kissing you. That is usually a couple weeks for some people. But for Zavier and I, that is every day.

The memory I will remember forever, is when Zavier and I first met. It was actually really weird because we didn’t even know each other before we went out. We were both pulled down for an assembly game at school and the partners had to be one boy and one girl. Well, we were partners, and the game was called “Kiss Me.” Very similar to the game “Honey, do you love me?” but for this game, if you win, you have to kiss your partner. Zavier and I were partners, and we won, so had to suck it up and kiss, even though we didn’t really know each other. He shrugged his shoulders a little, and he put his hands on my face carefully, pulling me closer to him. We had kissed for about seven seconds. When we backed up, we both looked kind of nervous. But after that game, the assembly was over, and we had to go back to class. He ran up to grab his stuff and meet with his friends, and then he just left. But since then, we hadn’t talked for about a week. At first I was sad. But once that happened, I just kind of forgot about it and went on with life. But then he showed up at my locker one day and asked if we could talk. So we just stood there for a little while just talking. At first he just kind of babbled on saying a bunch of random stuff, but I couldn’t really hear what he was saying because I was then noticing how cute he was with his wavy blonde hair and his beautiful tan skin. But then, out of nowhere, he grabbed my hand slightly, and said, “I know we don’t know too much about each other, but after that unexpected kiss, I just kinda knew you were the one for me. So, uhmm, will you go out with me?” He sounded very nervous and quiet. But then again, I was nervous too. When I said yes, he grabbed me gently, and pulled me closer to him as we fell into a lovingly hug. He tried for another kiss, but I just pulled away.

Being with Zavier for nine wonderful months has really changed my life. I used to be a regular girl with a couple friends who just did our own thing. But then I met Zavier, and our lives have changed a lot by being with each other. I’ve never felt this way about someone. He is just so sweet the way he always has time for his friends and his girlfriend. The way he never leaves anyone out by getting they involved in the conversation. The way he is so sweet to me.

I love Adaya, mostly for her bright personality. She used to be very quiet, but ever since we went out, her personality just became brighter and a lot less quiet. She says it’s because of the meaning of my name, which is “bright.” She says my name changed her personality ever since we kissed. She is the one for me right now. The one I care deeply about. The one who makes my feeling of sad turn happy again. The one who makes my heart pound none-stop when I am with her. I have fallen in love with Adaya so much; I would practically do anything for her. She has just put an amazingly good impact on my life and just changed me throughout our whole relationship. She made me such a happier person. I am hardly ever in a bad mood anymore because of her. As soon as I see her smile, my day is automatically as good as it can get.

Getting to really know Adaya was an amazing thing. She also kind of brightened up my personality too. I used to be kind of quiet, but now I get out there and talk to whoever I can. But I think I got more talkative by talking to her a lot. If we are not talking face to face, we are talking on the phone. If we aren’t talking on the phone, we are texting. If we aren’t texting, we are facebooking. We are constantly talking, and still, neither of us has ever thought that the other one was annoying or clingy. And like Adaya always says, everyday is better than the last.

Adaya is always super hyper and energetic now. She is practically bouncing off the walls at school, talking to new friends, or running around looking for me so we can hang out. Sometimes she is so energetic; I even can’t get her to calm down. But her hyperness always makes me laugh. But today, she wasn’t like that. As I walked in the school, she was just acting very calm. She wasn’t bouncing off walls or laughing like a little kid when you make a random noise that sounds silly. Something is wrong with her. So I walk up to her and ask her why she was so quiet.

“I’m just not feeling very energetic today. I don’t know why. It’s like all my bones are sore. I don’t know. But it’s really kinda bothering me.” Adaya says, sounding a little worried.

“Have you talked to your mom about it?” I ask. Now I was getting worried. She is never like this.

“Yes. She said that if I don’t feel better by tomorrow, we are going to the hospital.” The hospital?! No! Usually when people go to the hospital, they are really sick. Why would Adaya have to go to the hospital?! Oh my gosh, I hope she is ok.

“Are you nervous?” I asked still sounding worried.

“Sorta. I hope I’m ok. Going to the hospital scares me because I never know if I’m going to be ok or not.” She started to look like she was going to cry. I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a hug. She put her arms around my neck and just stood there, not wanting to let go. “I think I am going to the hospital tomorrow. Will you go with me, please?”

Zavier told me he would go to the hospital with me tomorrow. I’m really scared that something bad is wrong with me. What did I do? Nothing! I did nothing! Why did I just suddenly get this weak feeling? If only I knew.

All day at school, I felt like I was getting weaker and weaker. And during the day, I felt like I was getting sick. I actually ran to the bathroom a couple times because I felt like I was going to throw up. The third time I went to the bathroom, I decided to call my mom to pick me up. I didn’t have the strength to go tell someone to tell Zavier, so once I got home, I texted him.

Hey Zavier. Sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but I just wanted to let you know that I left school early today. I ran to the bathroom like three times feeling like I was going to throw up, so I decided that I would just go home. So that’s why I didn’t show up at lunch.

After I sent that, I waited a few minutes, and then I got a reply.

You did?? Awh. I hope your ok, baby. Is there anything you want me to get you from school or from the store? Maybe some medicine from the pharmacy at walmart?

No, it’s ok. I am just going to go to the hospital tomorrow. Once I got home, I started throwing up like crazy. I’m really scared now. So please please please go to the hospital with me tomorrow.

Of course I will go with you. I’ll call you when I get home. Love you.

I was really worried about Adaya. So the next day, I went to the hospital with her and her mom. The doctors looked at her, and then said they wanted to take some tests. Adaya started to cry because she was nervous. So I told her I wouldn’t leave the hospital no matter what and I would stay here with her. So as me and her mom waited, we just talked.

“So, nine months, huh?” She said.

“Ha, yea. I hope she is ok.”

“I do too. Do you know how this happened?”

“I don’t. That’s why I am so worried about her.”


“I really miss seeing her hyperness. She used to be just so full of energy. But ever since yesterday, she has just been so quiet. And once I saw her being calm and quiet, I knew something was wrong.”

“Me too. But, honestly, I think you really changed her. She used to be so quiet at home. Didn’t really say much, didn’t go out with friends as much, and she just kind of did her own thing. But ever since she met you, it’s like her whole personality has turned upside down. Now she is hardly ever in the house, and she is always talking about what you and her had done that night.”

Just as we started to really get into a conversation, a nurse and doctor came out.

“Are you the mother of Adaya?”

“I am.” Adaya’s mother started to sound very uptight and nervous. Usually doctors don’t come out. Usually the nurse and the patient come out. “Is she alright? What’s wrong with her? Why is she acting like this?”

“We don’t wanna say it, and we took a lot of tests to make sure, but all the tests came out the same. We are very sorry, but there is something wrong with Adaya, and it is very serious.”

“What’s wrong with her?” I asked, tears coming to my eyes.

“Adaya has Osteosarcoma.” The doctor turned to me, looking very concerned and sounded very upset.

“Osteosarcoma?” I asked.

“Bone cancer.”

I felt so sore and still scared from all the tests the doctors just took on me. And yet they still haven’t told me what was wrong with me or why I was feeling like this. After the tests, they told me they would be right back and left. So now I am just sitting here, feeling like I am going to throw up again. But after waiting for a few minutes, Zavier walked in. His face drowned in tears, and his body looking so weak, I didn't think he could continue to stand. He looked like he couldn’t speak. But I still asked him what was wrong. He didn’t answer. He just shook his head and hugged me. Since he wouldn’t respond to me, I started to cry too.

“Zavier, honey, what is wrong with me? Am I going to be ok?”

“No…” He started to cry more.

“What’s wrong with me?”


“What’s that?”

“You have bone cancer.” He started to cry more. And once I heard that, I got really scared and I started to cry. But then I got so scared, that I could feel puke running up my throat. So I used all the little energy I had and ran to a garbage can that was only like two feet away.

“Zavier, can we speak to you?” The doctors asked. Zavier gave me a hug carefully from behind while I was throwing up, and walked out the door.

“We just got some more results of Adaya, and there is nothing we can do to help her. The cancer has already started spreading around her body, and we didn’t find it in time. The only reason she started to feel this way now, is because it spread around too fast. There isn’t really anything we can do. So we are going to have to take her in tomorrow, and we are going to have to let her go.” At that moment, there was absolutely nothing I could say. My heart broke, and tears were coming down my face faster than they were earlier. After crying for about ten seconds, I fell to the floor on my knees, crying even harder. What am I going to do without Adaya? She has just changed my life so much; I don’t know what I will do without her. And we only have about two and a half months ‘til our one year anniversary. Now I won’t get to hug or kiss her on that day.

After that, I walked back into the room that Adaya was in. And I had to tell her what was happening. So once I told her, she looked like she had just died right then and there.

“Today is my last day to live?” She started crying harder, practically to the point where if she said anything, you couldn’t understand her. But I nodded my head, and gave her a hug, still drowning in my own tears.

“But the doctors told me I could be there to say goodbye to you when…it happens.” I could hardly say that sentence to her. So we started to cry more. All I could do was think about all the times we spent together, and all the things, we won’t ever get to do together now…

Today is the day that Adaya is going to die. We stayed the night at the hospital so that Adaya wouldn’t feel alone. Adaya and I slept together because she asked me to not leave her side since that was the last day I would get to be with her. So first thing in the morning, the doctors took her into the surgical room, where they would therefore, kill Adaya.

As she was lying down, she was looking around the room. She told me she was thinking of all the times we had spent together, and all the things she would miss. She told me that when she gets to her heaven, she would write me a letter about how much she misses me, and she will somehow give it to me. I told her that I would treasure it when I get it, and I will never forget her.

Next thing you know, the surgical lights turn on, and her eyes get wide. Tears slightly ran down her face. I was holding her hand while the whole thing happened. The doctors put a gas mask around her head so that it would blow a gas into her mouth and nose that would kill her. Her eyes started to shut, slowly. As her eyes shut, she said quietly, “I love you.” After that, her eyes fully shut with her last tears flowing down her cheek, and the grip of her hand holding mine slowly let go. Adaya had died.

After a few minutes of gas continuously blowing into her mouth and nose, the doctors took it off and put it away. They took Adaya into another room where they would dispose of her body. But before I let them go, I put my hands on her heart and all her pulse points to see if she had really died, and sadly, she did. So I walked with them until they got into the room where they would dispose her, but once we got to the doors, they told me to stay out. So I slowly walked back to where Adaya’s mother was, leaving behind trails of my tears. I saw Adaya’s mother sitting down on the floor. Her legs pulled up and her face buried in her hands and arms. She looked like a preschooler sitting on the floor sobbing because someone had just bullied her. But this pain was worse. Ten-million times worse. This wasn’t the pain of being bullied; this was the pain of a loved one dying.

Being in heaven for a month really makes you think about what you used to do. Zavier and I used to go out every day and hang out. Sometimes we would bring our friends with us; sometimes we would just be alone. And the thing I really liked about us was we never did anything inappropriate. Being teenagers, you’d think we would do something dirty. But we never did. We talked about it one day, and we both had the same opinion of sex after marriage. But now that I’m away from everyone else, I’ll never really have the experience of being married or having kids or any of that stuff. I was really hoping that someday Zavier would ask me to marry him, but now it can’t happen.

Now that I’m up in my heaven, I can look down into earth and see all my friends. So every day I am watching Zavier and seeing how he is doing. He has been taking this whole cancer thing really hard, and he even stopped going to school for a while because of the depression in his heart. But I’ve seen him wondering random streets. He is so oblivious to the world right now. He got mugged and beaten slightly a couple weeks ago, and it didn’t even bother him. He just went on with life. The cops who stopped the mugger asked Zavier if he was ok, but he just kept walking along without saying one word, or even nodding his head. I’ve been really worried about him lately, and I hope that he will come to mind that even though I’m dead, he can’t just be so out of tune. He needs to realize that he is going to get hurt. Is he trying to die? No, why would he do that? To see me? I hope that’s not what he is doing.

I can’t live without Adaya. She has been gone for a month, and I don’t even bother to go out and meet with friends. I wonder if her friend’s even know that she is dead. I haven’t been able to be myself lately or even speak, so I can’t be the one to tell them. Maybe Adaya’s mother has told them. I don’t know. But I can’t get Adaya off my mind. Half the time I can’t even sleep because I am thinking about her too much. She is in my dreams, I am seeing her on the streets, and I even have flash-backs of when she was dying at the hospital. So I can’t take this any longer, and I am going to do something that makes me think about her ten times as much. I am going to her house and I am going to just look around her room. Look at every picture she has posted on her wall of us together and just remember the memories. I know that isn’t what I should do right now knowing that I am still crazily depressed, but I have to do it. I have to constantly remember what she looks like so I won’t ever forget her.

So as I walk to her house, I look along the streets and the stores, remembering everything Adaya has said to me every time we walk by something that she liked. Macy’s clothes shop, walmart, wetseal, and more. But as I approached her house, I started to cry again. I hadn’t cried in about two weeks. I forced myself to just feel the pain in my stomach and heart and to hold the tears back. But I couldn’t help myself this time. So as I walk up to the door, I carefully knock on her purple covered door and wait for a response.

“Zavier…” Adaya’s mother said. I kind of came unexpectedly, so that’s why she was surprised.

“Hey…” I said, quietly and heartbroken.

“How are you doing, love?” She asked. I could tell she could feel my pain by the tone in her voice.

“I haven’t been able to be myself since the hospital. And I’m sorry for coming unexpectedly, but I was walking around town, and wanted to look around Adaya’s room and just remember everything I might have forgotten about her or us.” She nodded her head and let me inside. So I quickly ran up to her door, and once I got there, I paused. I looked down at the door handle, and slowly gripped it with the little strength I had. I slowly opened up her door, and walked in. I shut the door behind me and I sat on her bed, looking around her room. I just looked around for a few minutes, and then stood up and walked around looking through many more things: Drawers, dressers, closets, cupboards, and just everything I could find. But as I open one of the dressers, I find a calendar that had a picture of Adaya and I, and it was titled, “Everything about Us to Never Forget.” I picked it up and sat down on her bed to look at it. And as I looked through it, I realized that it was everything about us this year. And it was just a collage of pictures of just us that we had done that month last year. But as I look through the calendar, there was one page I really noticed. It was the only month that didn’t have pictures yet. But something colorful really stood out to me on the calendar. On December 20, 2010, there was a colorful box that was titled, “One Year Anniversary: Day I give Zavier everything I wrote for him.” That made me start to cry again. And then I realize that instead of pictures there were a bunch of papers in that month that I had set aside when I grabbed the calendar. But I pick them up and found out that they are letters, songs, and pictures. Some of the letters said:
Dear Zavier,

Thank you so much for asking
me out. I was really shocked when you
did, but since you did, I just couldn’t
be happier…
four months and everything is
still going great! I am just so
thankful for you and you are
just so amazing to me in
every way...

But out of nowhere, I see this random letter sparkling on the desk. It wasn’t there before, so I was kind of curious what it was. So as I stand up, I set the papers down on the bed and walk over to the desk. It’s a letter. Where did that come from? That wasn’t there before.

Heaven is wonderful. I feel better than I ever have the whole time I’ve lived. But I’ve been watching you the past couple days, and I want you to please cheer up. I know you have been very depressed with my death and I know you don’t know how to handle your depression. I too am kind of depressed because I was hoping someday you would ask me to marry you, but now that I have died from bone cancer, I guess that won’t happen. But please be yourself again. I know it will be hard to get back on pace with life, but just remember, I am always by your side, even though you can’t see me. But I’m always there. I love you.
Love Always,

She actually wrote me a note. I can’t believe it. Reading the letter made me smile for the first time since the last time Adaya and I actually had a nice time together. Ever since the death of the one I loved, she, out of all people in this world, made me smile again. And she is right. Even though I can’t see her, I know she is always with me. She is just…Just so…

The next day, I went back to school and showed Adaya’s friends the letter. At first I thought they knew what had happened. But when I showed them the letter, they were confused and asked why Adaya hadn’t been coming to school for the past month. They all told me that they called the house a couple times, but no one would answer, so they thought she went on an unexpected vacation and just didn’t tell them. So it was hard to tell them that Adaya had died of bone cancer, and when I told them, they started to cry. I gave them lots of hugs and told them that it would all be ok. I let them read the letter and it made them smile and they said she was really lucky to have a boyfriend like me.

Thinking about what Adaya’s friends had said when they said she was lucky to have a boyfriend like me; I was really upset again how she was gone again. I knew she was with me, but it still hurt a little inside to know that she isn’t really with me. I know she is, but I wish I could see her. But I know she is always with me, so I don’t really worry about stuff like that.
Ever since I read that letter from Adaya, I have just been so happy again. I’ve been going back to school, hanging out with friends, and going to all the places Adaya and I used to go together like the park and her favorite stores. I still miss Adaya, and every now and then I cry. But my depression hasn’t been hitting as hard as it used to. But that is only because I know she is there with me. Sometimes I can feel her laying her head slightly on my chest as I lie down and look up at the stars on the weekends in the park. I can feel her holding my hand and randomly kissing my cheek as I walk around the mall. And sometimes I can really see her. I’ll be sitting down somewhere, maybe on a swing at the park, listening to her favorite songs, and then as I look at the other swing, I can see her right there, sitting next to me. But about a month later, I went back to Adaya’s room, where I would once again look at the pictures and letters again. Before I left that time, I walked up to her desk and carefully left a ring next to her mirror. I looked up at the ceiling, closed my eyes, and said, “I love you.” And there is a specific word for what has been happening to me. That word is:

The End

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