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Candles and Struggles
The hearts and the minds of the peoples of new speak of war within us. Since the beginning of man itself, since the beginning of people, we have believed in a deity. There are so many different religions in our modern world, and so many different struggles. Christians, Muslims, Hindus, and Buddhists rule from the top of this ever looming cliff, while the peoples of the different areas of our Earth struggle to learn of the right one.
What do I believe? I am a Catholic Christian. I believe in one God, the father almighty, maker of Heaven and Earth; seer of all seen and unseen things' You get the picture? However, I have had struggles to accept those words more than once.
Look at the world around us, and picture all of the different religions. There are so many, and yet, only one of them can be right. The Hindus believe they are right, the Buddhist too, and who am I to say that my religion is right and theirs' are wrong? That is what I thought, and sometimes still think today. How do we know that our religion is right? What if none of the religions are right? My mind used to whirl with these questions, and upon trying to conclude with an answer, I found none.
I grew terrified. If God did not exist, the world was cold, unmoving, and alone. If God did not exist, I would actually die and be no more when my body gave out to the dust of the Earth. I was afraid and I lay paralyzed at night just thinking about all that could and couldn't be if there was no God. I would pray, and be ashamed. No, I was not ashamed that I was praying and nothing would come of it, but I was ashamed that I doubted the existence of God. One day, I even said 'Lord, I am ashamed that you call me your daughter. I am ashamed that I doubt you in this desperate time.' And when I said these things, I prayed for some kind of sign much like anyone would. And I prayed in hope that there was a heaven.
Death is probably the only thing that truly scares me to this day. What happens? Where do we go? Is there a perfect Heaven? Will I go to Heaven or will I fall to the confinements of Hell? There are many who wonder this, just like me. I sin, and I know I sin. I don't put forth much effort in stopping most times either. It's a fatal flaw in my character, and I am sad that I am not perfect. However, I know God does not look for perfection in us.
The first day I truly put most of my doubt behind me I cannot say, but I know it was when miracles started to happen. No one who was blind could see again, mind you, but little things drastically affected my spiritual life. My mechanical pencil would break in the middle of class, and I would pray a silent prayer, asking God to fix it. Eventually, it worked again. I would pray that I wanted to run into someone in the grocery store. The exact person bumped into me one Sunday afternoon. He was buying milk. And one day, I prayed that my secret crush would dance with me when I was all alone. He did. My grandfather's heart stopped beating in TGI Friday's, and he almost died. He lost his memory, and he went crazy. However, I prayed, along with many others, and he lived to almost perfect condition. He is still alive today. These miracles, though small and tiresome, affected my life greatly. I will never forget them.
I did not see the Earth in all of its fire and injustice and cruelty as a sign that no one was watching over us. I never thought that. I knew that if there was a God, he would not strive for perfection in our world. Why did he let Satan do these things? Satan cannot win the war, mind you, but he can screw around Earth as much as he wants. That is because we are weak. I believe that now. We are weak and we fall to what Satan wants of us. He wants us to believe that God does not exist, that nothing exists, so we can't believe and therefore never fall into the safe grasp of the one and only God. And with some people, Satan is winning. However, he will never win me over, or get so close to me ever again.
When people reject the presence of God, I have an argument. Look at our world, our bubble, and tell me this all happened by chance. Tell me that populations in these food webs never unbalance without the help of natural disaster or human activities because we were lucky. Our planet is so perfect in so many ways. We have water where we need it and animals where they can be hunted. Even we humans are so complex, so surreal, so gifted, it's hard to picture our existence coming from something entirely left to chance.
I believe there is a God out there and here. I don't believe he's some super hero in the sky, but I do believe he is everywhere. Why do so many people associate heaven with the sky? Jesus himself said Heaven could be anywhere, and it is the size of a speck of dust.
To those who don't believe in the God I adore or another, I wish you a happy and fulfilled life. We all believe what we accept and what we want to believe. I cannot change your customs, your mind, or your life. God is for me though, as he could be for all.
'If you believe in God and he is not real, there is no harm done. However, if you believe in God and he does exist, much is in your favor. I would rather believe in God than take such a chance.'