Why Date? An Argument Against Teen Dating | Teen Ink

Why Date? An Argument Against Teen Dating

April 29, 2011
By MagicPen GOLD, Victorville, California
MagicPen GOLD, Victorville, California
10 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"

Give me one good reason on why to date.

There seems to be this wave of mush flooding through teens. Everyone has (or needs) to be in a romantic relationship somehow.


So you know where I’m coming from, I’ll tell you who I am. I’m a sixteen-year-old girl, who has never had a boyfriend; ever. Gasp! Did she just say what I thought she said? Yep I did. (Now close your mouth, unless you want flies in there.)

You may be wondering how that’s possible. How I can live sixteen years without a boyfriend while you’ve had one since you were in the 6th grade. Well, to answer some of those questions floating in your mind, I’ll tell you, I’m not ugly. And no, I’m not some sort of invalid. I can still hear, see, and speak. I don’t have any peg legs or false teeth. And it isn’t that guys have never asked me out. I’ve had offers. I just refuse to date. Oh, now you think it’s a mental issue, huh? Just hear me out for the next couple minutes alright? Then you can argue with me.

So, what are some of the reasons to date? I’ve had quite a few discussions about the dating topic with my friends, most of who think that it’s an okay thing to do. And I respect them. And I’m sure they shrug their shoulders and respect me, too. But that doesn’t stop me from trying to understand. I really am trying to understand. I just haven’t heard an answer that makes sense yet. Take these for example.

Why date: to get to know each other. Come on, seriously? “To get to know each other”? Like there’s some invisible rule stating that you can’t get to know a guy until you date him. Here’s my view: what if you’re dating and you realize that you don’t like him, or he just does something that makes a massive buzzer go off in your head, indicating he's a no-go? Now you have to go through the painful, dramatic, and heartbreaking exercise of breaking up with him. If you had only stayed single, you could’ve spotted those things and saved yourself time, money, and energy. Not to mention, you’d be free of haunting questions like, “do I attract the worst guys?”, “do I have horrible taste in guys?”, “is there something wrong with me?” etc. All of those negative thoughts just came out of something so minor that you could have avoided it altogether! Here’s another one.

Why date: so you know what kind of people you’re interested in. What’s that saying? Something like, “you don’t know your favorite flower until you’ve stopped and sniffed the roses.” Basically, you don’t know unless you try. Fair enough. Okay, I’ll bite. So, how is dating different from being friends? You can hold hands in public? Kiss? Sure. But does that have anything to do with finding your soul mate? The whole reason to date is to find the person you’re eventually going to marry someday, right? So why would you want to make the greatest mistake of giving those precious little gems like your first kiss to just anyone simply because you’re dating?

Isn’t it more romantic to have your first kiss come from your spouse? To honestly tell your kids that the first hand you held was their father’s? Why would you want to give that away just to sniff flowers that have already been sniffed?

Guys aren’t flowers. Take it from the only girl in a family of boys. They’re not. But guys can actually talk. They can react to what you say and tell you their views and opinions. All you have to do is ask, no dating necessary. So WHY THE HECK IS EVERYONE DATING? Sorry. Lost my cool for a second.

It isn’t that I don’t understand the thrill of finding that your crush likes you back or the zap of horsepower that goes from your head to your toes when he calls you “his” girlfriend. But are those little things worth it in the long run? Call me crazy, but a big turn-off for me is finding that the guy has had a girlfriend. Yeah sure, we’ve practically established: I’m insane. But I wouldn’t want him to expect something from me that I can’t (or won’t) give, just because he’s gotten it in the past. And I wouldn’t want a guy who has already given himself away just because he wouldn’t wait for me. I’m holding strong, so why should I settle for anything lower from him? Anyway, this isn’t about me. It’s about you, the regular teen, and dating.

So it all comes back to the same question: why date? I can tell you a million reasons on why not (as I’m sure you’ve noticed). But why should you? Why do you? Peer pressure? Those happy little moments? What is so important that you’d rather give yourself away instead of waiting for your spouse?

All I see is heartbreak, putting your whole happiness into some guy’s hands for him to crush it, blindly giving yourself, and all for what? No, I don’t understand. Will I ever? I’m not sure. But for now, this is what I do know. My name is Rebekah Koontz, I’m sixteen-years-old, and I plan on staying single.

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This article has 7 comments.

MagicPen GOLD said...
on Apr. 10 2012 at 1:55 am
MagicPen GOLD, Victorville, California
10 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"

Hello, all.

If this article struck some kind of nerve, be on the look-out for part two (bet you didn't see this one coming): "Does My Dream Guy Exist? A Change of Heart. (Part #2 of "Why Date?")"

Jim Hawkins said...
on Mar. 13 2012 at 3:41 pm
Hi, I'm Jim Hawkins, and yes, I'm a guy. And so my perspective is a little different in many ways to you girls on dating. First, I HAVE been in a reltaionship before, in fact I've been in a relationship twice and both ended in "heartbreak" for me because both times I was used and ignored whenever I wasn't convenient. As well as these two relationships I have had many other experiences outside a relationship of which I would rather not discuss but let me say that through it all I have found it 100% worthwhile. And, as far as finding a soulmate, yes that is what dating is for, but no I don't agree with not dating as a teen because for those of us who have been in a relationship as a teen I will tell you that though we are not experts on love we do have experience and, as a Christian, it will help us later on regardless of how well our relationships turn out. In closing let me say that I believe in teen dating, but I also believe that dating is only for marriage and that dating should be a spiritual and intillectual relationship without any physical action involved until the wedding day with exception to an occasional hug or comforting squeeze of someone's hand. This I say with utmost respect. Thank you.

on Jan. 25 2012 at 8:55 am
MadelineMainn PLATINUM, New Castle, Indiana
29 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I always entertain great hopes." -Robert Frost

Hi! :) Sorry, I'm a bit late in commenting. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I really enjoyed your article, and agreed with many points you made. Do you believe in courtships? I have a few friends that do, and I think several aspects of that mindset makes so much sense. I haven't started dating yet myself (I'm fourteen...) and don't plan to until I'm older. I might do a mix of both--courtships and dating! Haha. Anyway, great article, and a job well done. :) -HomeschoolGirl

MagicPen GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 10:28 pm
MagicPen GOLD, Victorville, California
10 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"

I like the way you think, Avmusic.

MagicPen GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 10:26 pm
MagicPen GOLD, Victorville, California
10 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"

Hey, RunningWater, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I've tried a million times, and it hasn't let me comment - on my OWN article! How depressing. (But I think it's finally working. Whoo!) So anyway. . .

I think it's sad if a guy is too insecure to open up to his friends. It doesn't make sense to me, either. Haven't we all, girls and guys alike, agreed that it's friends before relationships?

Ha, yes, I guess I do sound a little one-sided. But that doesn't mean I don't like hearing other people's perspectives. So you think I should date? Why?

Avmusic said...
on Jun. 3 2011 at 12:54 pm
Right on Miss Koontz! I commented to say that I'm in the same boat. And, to show other readers that you aren't alone. Guys make great friends, they respect girls that are their friends. JUST FRIENDS. They like when a girl is real and not "boy-crazy": no awkwardness. Guys like that. And, anyway, one day one of those guys is gonna turn around and realize, "Hey, this girl is pretty awesome. She's pretty, too."And, tada, he's found his future wife! ;} 

on May. 27 2011 at 10:28 pm
Faded.Ink BRONZE, Toronto, Other
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When I went to school, we got an assignment asking
what we want to be when were older.
My response was "Happy", the teacher told me
that I didn't understand the assignment.
I told her that she didn't understand life."

Well, what if the guy your dating ends up being the guy you marry ?  And you would'nt have known that if you didn't date him, because there are guys out there who don't open up to thier friends but rather thier girls, and not all of relationships end up in heartbreak. Just trying to give you a different perspective, because no offence, you sound very bias and one-sided, but other then that, i like the way you think, i also agreed with most of your points too ! :)