The Real Housewives | Teen Ink

The Real Housewives

April 14, 2009
By Emily Cerniglia BRONZE, Metairie, Louisiana
Emily Cerniglia BRONZE, Metairie, Louisiana
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Contrary to popular belief depicted by television, the real housewives of our society can be divided into many different groups. Although TV stations, such as Bravo, showcase one type of housewife with its The Real Housewives of Orange County, New York, and Atlanta series, other breeds of housewife have emerged from the inner rings of society. Though there are numerous nuances of housewives, the focus here is on the top four that dominate in the housewife species. These top four types are dominant throughout most towns and cities. These four predominant breeds are, in no particular order, the trophy wife, the “cool” mom, the overprotective wife, and the soccer mom.
Vicki, the Trophy Wife

Vicki, the trophy wife, is the epitome of these Bravo television specials. Vicki puts a mere seventy-five percent, or maybe a little bit more, of her precious time into her appearance. She is the housewife who finds it an absolute obligation to have a personal chef, nanny, set of maids, governess, security guards, and team of stylists. Aside from the stylists, Vicki finds it necessary to have the other employees care for her single child and multi-million dollar mansion, all paid for by her beloved husband who is twenty-five years her elder. One may see Vicki strutting through the mall in her velour tracksuit accompanied by Volatile flip-flops and a designer purse that appears to weigh in at about fifty pounds. Vicki enjoys nothing more than the pleasure of putting her life on display to the public eye, even though she may appear perturbed when others are “all up in her business.” Vicki describes herself, along with her entourage of carbon copies, as the essence of style and class. On the contrary, mere onlookers can be found to describe this breed in one simple word—cheesy.
Nancy, the “Cool” Mom

Nancy is the self-proclaimed “cool” mother. Unfortunately, more and more housewives of today’s society are emerging as “cool” moms. Nancy is a sixteen year old trapped in a forty-four year old body. She finds her fulfillment of life “chilling” with her adolescent daughter and her daughter’s friends and boyfriends. Since Nancy was not too cool when she attended high school, she does not plan on screwing up her daughter’s opportunity to fulfill her lifelong desire. Nancy’s sole purpose in life is to give her daughter the life she wished she had as a teenager. Nancy strives to attain the same size body as her daughter in order to fit into her daughter’s “stylish” clothes. On a typical Saturday night, Nancy can be found doing one of two things; one of these activities that Nancy embarks on involves seeing a late night movie accompanying her daughter—and her daughter’s boyfriend. The other activity is much more favorable on Nancy’s end. On a rather social Saturday night, one can find Nancy “livin’ it up” with her daughter and daughter’s friends just being “one of the girls” and toilet-papering someone’s house. Of course, Nancy will always be found living vicariously through her daughter and handing her daughter’s wishes to her on a sparkling silver platter.
Rhonda, the Overprotective Wife

Rhonda has earned the title of the overprotective wife through her uncanny ability to keep anything within a ten-foot radius. Rhonda is the type of housewife that would implant tracking devices in each family member if it did not require an extensive medical surgery. Rhonda, undoubtedly, was the woman who had her children on leashes when they were young. On occasion, much to her children’s dismay, Rhonda may feel the need to break out these leashes when the family’s annual trip to Disney World approaches. Rhonda is a germaphobe and has obsessive-compulsive disorder—in other words, she’s a psychological mess. Rhonda is considered a medical mystery with her high stress levels and frantic personality. Rhonda’s children will most likely grow up to be just like her since they will never have an opportunity to interact with the outside world. Since Rhonda will commit her children to a life similar to her own, this species is far from becoming extinct.
Katherine, the Soccer Mom

Soccer Mom Katherine can be seen driving around town in her monstrous sports utility vehicle, shuttling her kids to soccer practices and other sports and extracurricular activities. Katherine can also be seen at these sports and activities interacting with other soccer moms of her kind. From time to time, one can witness this particular type of mom making a complete fool out of herself when her child is benched in his or her particular sport. Katherine upholds the belief, like many other soccer moms, that her children can do no wrong, and it is frankly obscene to compare her children to any other’s children. Katherine firmly believes that her “little angels” will never give in to peer pressure, and she remains completely oblivious to the practices of teenage angst. More often than not, the children of this particular breed of housewife seem to get their way in most situations due to bratty temper-tantrums that always yield desired results from soccer moms. Katherine must always appear to other mothers that she is always in control and dominates in the exercise of child rearing.

Although these are not all of the species of housewife, these are some of the most predominant. More often than not, one can see these four breeds in interaction at one of the holiest of all holy places—Whole Foods Market. Vicki, Judy, Rhonda, and Katherine can all be seen here buying organic food products for their spouses and offspring. One may also witness these women enjoying activities such as drinking exorbitant amounts of coffee, performing yoga, traveling, attending or hosting dinner parties, and interacting with other housewives for the latest neighborhood “momma drama.” Though it may seem that these four types of housewives do not have much in common, do not be fooled, they come together in many situations and will, in fact, never become extinct.

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