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I have a dragon.
Let me be clear – don’t ignore this statement just because it sounds ridiculous – I have a dragon that lives in my pocket. And before you search my pockets, it’s a dragon that only I can sense in any way. You wouldn’t find it even if you looked.
My dragon is omnipotent – by this, I mean that my dragon is all-powerful. He created every molecule and smidgen of energy in the universe. He is also omniscient – he knows everything of the past, present, and future.
Sounds crazy, I know. Bear with me. My dragon loves you – in fact, my dragon loves everyone because he created them. However, he made rules that you have to follow. Since you can’t hear him in any way, I’ll write down these rules in a book. I’ll also include in the book a few prophecies to tip the scales. (A child will be born that will create a national revolution! What a brilliant idea!) Why didn’t my dragon just make it not possible for us to do it? Beats me. But here are the main rules:
1.) You must believe that the dragon exists, and that every rule that is mentioned here came from his idea.
2.) You must not lie, cheat, steal, or murder.
3.) You must not eat pigs, get tattoos, or mix cloths together (even though that blanket you made is velvety smooth, doesn’t matter. 99% polyester means instantaneous rule break).
4.) You must love me and obey these rules.
If you happen to break any of the rules, the dragon will send you to a place in which he doesn’t exist, a place of utter chaos (despite the fact that you just heard of him). “But I haven’t been sent there!” you must be saying. Oh, no. He’ll send you there after you die, so that there is no proof of his existence to persuade others to follow Rule #1.
You may be already doomed for eternity, since you probably lied about that grade to your parents or worn that amazing sweater last week (heretic!). But don’t worry! Since my dragon loves you so much, he sent me down from his realm to pay the price for all of your rule-breaking! As long as you follow Rule #1, you’ll go to paradise forever! After you die, of course. Sucks for the people who died before I was born. :-(
The good news is that if you believe in the dragon, you’re good! I just came here to tell you all about how amazing my dragon is (yay Mr. Dragon!), who created you, forced you to live in a chaotic world for pure entertainment, and then acts like a judge and sends you to eternal torture for not believing he exists. My dragon loves everyone and has an ultimate plan for us all!
And we as Christians wonder why atheists don’t believe in God.