Introverted Secrets | Teen Ink

Introverted Secrets

April 13, 2012
By MakaylaS. GOLD, Fairfax, Virginia
MakaylaS. GOLD, Fairfax, Virginia
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Starve a Bully, Feed your Soul, STAND GRAND." -Vincent Castronovo

And so she sat at home alone
A loosely structured clatter of bones

Dainty and porcelain, all too frail
Unsure and trembling, draining pale

Victim of heavy nostalgia and pain
She wondered if she herself were to blame

For the maelstrom of hate that constantly brewed
And coping mechanisms that were far too few

The kitchen mocked her in so many ways
The pantry and freezer off limits these days

But the silverware beckoned, it would sweetly insist
That all she needed was a slit to the wrist

A quick metal swipe, knick to the forearm
Was just the solution- could it do much harm?

Self-esteem low and pain tolerance high
She couldn’t uncover a single reason why

She shouldn’t bring a blade to her delicate skin
Let the flesh tear open, let the monsters win

Let the thick red bead, and eventually stream
As she opens her mouth in a silent scream

Let the tears flow down her contorted face
While she searches for a single trace

Of the demon who bestowed this dementia upon
Her withered soul, but soon it dawns

That she is the devil who contaminates
Her restless mind she tries to sedate

That she herself twists and distorts
Reality, bringing her to last resorts

She wants to destroy this evil inside
For she cannot run, nor can she hide

From the body she’s trapped in, imprisoned, confined,
She can’t escape the past, she lets it define

The creature in the mirror whom she can’t recognize
But she traces her contours and comes to despise

This beast she’s morphed into, the daily nightmare called life
And she ponders leaving it behind with a knife

She imagines her feet dangling just above the floor
The noose tied tightly on her neck and the door

A venomous poison, kitchen cleaning tools
Drowning herself in the bathtub or pool

Climbing high heights to jump to the ground
And hit the cold concrete with a terrible sound

Overdosing on pills, dry swallowed handfuls
She figured that’d give her lifeline a pull

Thoughts viciously cycled, and her wrists were a mess
But she heard the door open, and she couldn’t confess

So she threw on a sweatshirt and raced to the sink
“Where are you?” “I’ll be down in a blink.”

She splashed water on her eyes; puffy and red
Cleaned off her wrists where she had just bled

She walked cautiously down, mustering a smile
“There you are! Sorry I’ve been gone for a while.

You look like you’re crying. Are you okay?” she said.
“Allergies. I’m fine.” I just wish I were dead.

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