The Long Journey Home | Teen Ink

The Long Journey Home

March 12, 2009
By italianxbonafide BRONZE, Staten Island, New York
italianxbonafide BRONZE, Staten Island, New York
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

I met a stranger the other day,
the first thing she said to me was that she had run away
She changed her mind and wanted to go home,
but she lost her way and was all alone
She told me of her battles and wars,
Depression and despair against her sword
Grief crept up behind her and tore down her walls
becoming vulnerable, now the world seemed so small
her soul began to ponder
and her mind was no longer able to wonder
The universe became one dimensional,
it seemed as if her life lost all potential
The booze, the drugs, the complications
all deceived by a world of misconception
Her words, so slurred they were better off unspoken,
the barrier from right and wrong had been broken
Right was wrong, and wrong was right,
She slept all day and partied all night
Then I looked in the mirror and I saw that she was I,
I did not like what my eyes pertained to see
My mind was in a daze,
and my eyes were so hazed
I pushed away the clouds using all my might,
my mind was cleared but my sanity was nowhere in sight
The battles that followed were long, but won,
the darkness was gone and I could finally see the sun
The happiness I felt came as a relief,
I was on my way to turning over a new leaf
In my pocket, I did not have much more than a quarter,
but I swam through rivers and treaded through murky water
It was the start of my journey back to home sweet home,
At home, I would no longer be alone
I'd be safe from all manipulations and miscommunications,
in the arms of my safe relations.
I had to lose myself before I could discover who I was,
Book smart, and truly anti-drugs.
My life is my journey and my mother is my guiding light,
the brightest star in the sky, watching over the night
When the dawn breaks through, she's the golden lining in the clouds,
I can hear her singing from the heavens oh so loud.
She laid out the path for me and gave me light to see,
that who I became was not me
Her life to mine was so influential,
She handed me down so much potential
So much potential to be something inspiring,
and for that I thank her with my full heart entirely.
I never did get a chance to thank her,
for she left before the morning sun began to stir.
Death is not easy for those left behind,
because we sit here wishing time could rewind.

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This article has 8 comments.

AquaGem SILVER said...
on Apr. 25 2009 at 6:31 pm
AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
5 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

Life it too short to let you matter.

I really liked it and enjoyed the concept. I think it could have flowed a little better though. For me, rhyming poetry should flow very, very well but the actual peom shouldn't be worked around it.

EdytD SILVER said...
on Apr. 8 2009 at 5:45 pm
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
I agree with Kathleen E, and I think that this poem has potential. If you perhaps added spaces between stanzas, it would give each line more strength as the reader would pause and wouldn't skim over any. You could break around every six lines, but not all stanzas have to have equal lines. I think your passion and feelings are evident, however, but they could be presented clearer. If you broke it up, it would show the various stages - the confusion, the realization what you have become, and the "journey home." Work on it, but it could be great!

I would love if you looked at my poem; the URL is: Leave comments, and tell me what you think! thanks. :D

on Mar. 28 2009 at 9:08 pm
Very good. I don't know if you intended to but some of your lines varied in intensity. It was an interesting effect in some areas but slightly frustrating to the reader in a few spots. You might want to watch that. You really love your mother don't you? I liked it, keep up the good work.

samibabeex3 said...
on Mar. 24 2009 at 1:38 am
this is amazing you're a beautiful writer <3

Ryan. said...
on Mar. 20 2009 at 12:59 am

the end.


lovers_love said...
on Mar. 20 2009 at 12:48 am
I think this was a really great poem, there were a lot of strong lines and some not so strong. But, for the most part this was a pretty amazing poem.

poems1010101 said...
on Mar. 19 2009 at 11:17 pm
this is amazing!!!! its really good, honestly, very deep.

Kathleen E. said...
on Mar. 19 2009 at 10:18 pm
This was powerful, but hindered by awkward lines. I like the whole concept of rhyming, but sometimes it actually can get in the way of a poem. You know what I mean? Still, some lines were really strong. One of my favorites was "Her words, so slurred they were better off unspoken." I think this is a really good concept and you should edit it to try to make it more powerful. Keep up the good work.