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In my surrender
They loathed me,
They saw me as a failure,
They mocked me.
They made me feel worthless,
They found my weakness and exploited it,
They ripped my identity off of me,
They left me with nothing.
They watched me struggle,
The left me lonely in my desolation,
They left me when I needed them the most.
Powerless, wounded and lost.
With all my guards down, I felt vulnerable.
With all my flaws highlighted, I felt insecure
With no place to call home, I felt lonely.
Beaten to my bones, I felt abused.
Treated like dirt, I felt helpless.
Hurt by the people I cared for the deepest, I felt abandoned.
Haunted by my past, I felt shame.
All at once I felt lost, bruised, broken and weak.
With a little fight still left in me,
With my heart beating oh so loudly against my chest,
With adrenaline rushing through my veins,
And with bloody hands,
With all that I had,
And all that I was,
I took one last breath, stood still and thought hard.
I thought of you, my mighty redeemer.
In the midst of the madness and chaos,
Your grace gave me purpose,
Your love gave me protection,
Your word gave me hope,
Your mercy governed my heart,
You empowered my living.
You were my peace, You were my one desire, You were my everything.
You were, you still are, and you will always be my everything.
I found my all,
When I lost it all.
Therein, I realized,
My greatest victory was in my surrender.