This is how I felt | Teen Ink

This is how I felt

July 11, 2011
By Determinded97 GOLD, New York, New York
Determinded97 GOLD, New York, New York
10 articles 5 photos 7 comments

i love you. your the reason i get up at 5:00 am to get ready for school. your the reason i started wearing makeup, i thought you notice me more. your the reason i stay up late and keep refreshing your blog. your the reason im still trying. your the reason why i have dreams of us together but i wake up alone and i cry. your the reason all these shards of the mirror i smashed when i saw my face. your the reason i blog about love. your the reason i look at the ceiling and wonder if you think of me. your the reason your breaking my heart. going out with him isnt gonna make things better. you mean the world to me and i wish you knew that. i would die for you if that means you would love me. i know we will never have a chance and that thought haunts me so i try to move on but you keep coming back as soon as i see your name or think of love. your the reason i cry when i hear a song saying ” i will never leave you” or “i love you so much” or any of that because i want to say that to you but then i would end up with a label and everyone would know. i hate the fact that the only way i could tell you would be publicly. i hate the guy your dating because he dosent even know how lucky he is. he gets to hold you in his arms. he gets to spend time with your amazing personality. he gets to cuddle with you falling asleep on his arm. he gets to give his heart to the one i save mine for. he gets to run in the rain with you and kiss you in the moonlight. he gets to look at the starry night with you and talk about funny memories. he gets your love. he gets a thousand miles of a amazing adventureus journey with you. he gets to pick you up and twirl you around. he gets to whisper in your ear sweet things. he gets to have his finger go through your silky hair and he gets to look into your eyes while you smiling looking up at him. he gets to twine his fingers with yours. he gets to send you cute texts and he gets to talk to you late at night with you on the phone. he gets to give you anything. he gets you. i want what he has. I hate the fact that you dont know how amazing i would treat you and how much better i would understand you. i hate that you don’t love me back and will never. i put a <3 after your name on my buddys list. i hate the fact that after you said no i would let you love me. your just pierceing my heart with ignorence and loneleyness. i try to impress you but you shrug. you dont know how much i care about you, i try to be as perfect a person for you. everytime a guy flirts with me i think of you. but the flirting happens alot less than how much i think of you. i try to have a chance to talk but those chances have now gone with the leaves of fall and the snow of winter. i wish i could see you shivering and hold you tight making sure you were warm. i wish that i could give you a hug randomly but thats not possible. and i sit here crying and pouring my heart out to you. but as always you wont notice. one day i will walk down the street holding your hand and feel happy. only in my dreams though. i wish i could give up on reaching for you but i cant. i will always love you and i dont care what they think. you have me standing in the shadows watching you give your love to the wrong person who will throw it away. but the shadow goes away as you walk away….. and never return

The author's comments:
This is also when I thought I loved someone

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