Cynical | Teen Ink


January 29, 2014
By deeplythinking GOLD, Orlando, Florida
deeplythinking GOLD, Orlando, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 24 comments

I’m drinking so much coffee I’m feeling some sort of high
Now I’m the skinny white kid with dark circles under his eyes
His speech is slurred can’t put together any sentences
But it’s not like talking was ever one of my preferences
Is this what it’s like to grow old?
You grow mold then become a mold of a self you once were before
I want to murder I’m going insane
But I think so much I’ve already murdered my own brain
Now that I’m old I lay awake in bed all night
In class my eye twitches I don’t listen I lie that I’m all right
At home I stare at a blank page I forgot how to write
I try calming my new self but all he likes to do is fight
And this new self is selfish, self-centered, and cynical
Look at this song it’s all about me I’m so egotistical
But my mom says different that I’m loving and caring
When the truth is I never cared about the stories you’re always sharing
I can’t help but notice the change I never wanted
And the ghost that was me haunts me and remains daunted
I want to fit back into my old clothes my 2002 Superthon t-shirt
The one with ripped holes the one that’s stained with pee and dirt
But I need to accept this new person with a full heart
So I can live the rest of my life without tearing myself apart

The author's comments:
The inevitability of growing old and becoming selfish- an internal conflict of mine.

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This article has 4 comments.

on Jun. 23 2014 at 5:18 am
Miss_Orange SILVER, Makati, Other
6 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm OK, I'm Fine and I'm alright are the greatest lies people tell each other everyday." By Me.

This is solid and really well written. I like this, Keep writing, please. 

on Feb. 10 2014 at 9:49 am
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

I can relate (no surprise there!) I like the way your poem gets a little chaotic in the middle, analogous to our age, and ends with acceptance, which shows maturity. The part about fitting in clothes from the past was too relatable to not mention. Also, the rawness of your poem is pretty unique. Good job!

TheUniverse said...
on Feb. 4 2014 at 9:18 pm
TheUniverse, Everywhere,, Other
0 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
Exercise to stimulate, not to annihilate. The world wasn't formed in a day, and neither were we. Set small goals and build upon them.

Very real writing, its mature and understandable.  Keep the good work up  

on Feb. 4 2014 at 8:30 pm
SlowEternity BRONZE, Big Lake, Minnesota
4 articles 15 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love is like a wildfire; It knows no boundaries.- Em

I liked it. Very raw and real. Keep it up!