Within Three Hours

            Ding! Ding! Ding! I hear the faint ringing getting louder and louder as I start waking up,  the sound coming from my phone. I open my eyes and immediately feel my body start a fizzy movement, shaking itself off from the numbingness it’s been through all night. I stretch my arm searching for the damn phone that won’t stop the nagging alarm sound pushing me to get up already. Ughhh- it's 5:00 a.m… mmm snooze. I fall back asleep. A sleep that only last for about 10 minutes because I set my alarm at 5:10 a.m, knowing that I’ll probably hit that snooze button one more time. 5:30 a.m Dong! Dong! Dong! Okay, I have to get up now. I sit up on my bed, walk to where my clothes are, pick them up and head to the bathroom. 6:40 a.m. Hydro flask, where did I-? Oh, right I forgot to take it out of my duffle bag, take it out, rinse, add green juice, done. 6:50 a.m. My dad is waiting for me downstairs to take me to BART. The car ride is pretty silent.     

        7:00 a.m. Richmond Bart. I take out my clipper card from my pocket, scan head up the escalators and here's my train. BART trains are not your typical movie trains that you see. They are a lot smaller. However, each train has a start and a destination. My destination is Fruitvale. 

The double doors open. Inside the train, there are two rows that are divided by a path set in the middle, across there are six rows with two seats in each, three that face the opposite direction of the way the train is going and the the other three that do. I sit right in the third middle row facing the opposite direction of where the train is heading.  For some people they don’t like it since it makes them nauseous or whatever. I don't get nauseous. Departs 7:05.

   Taking BART for a while, you start to notice patterns and things that people who don't take BART normally would notice. We live in an era where all our lives seem to just be in our phones. I mean I get it, some of us prefer to not talk to anyone after a rough day at work, and maybe you just want to listen to music or read a book for the ride. I guess that's how we keep to ourselves that way. But I mean, these seats may look wide but they are pretty damn close. Monday, not as busy as you would think, but it's only the middle of the month. I like people watching even though I'm listening to music, now and then closing the app and opening it again because I am definitely not paying $9.99 for Spotify premium. All kind of people come on the train, of all ages. Its Monday, so you'll mostly see more people who have big high brand purses and medium matte black suitcases. I figured they are lawyers or work with bank corporations. They have decent income, nice house, you know that nice somewhat picture that everyone eventually wants. But, you know, we don't really get to see what pain and sacrifices they've been through to get there.

 I’m daydreaming. Looking at the window like I am in a Sam Smith music video. I mean it vibes with the song I'm listening to. I start seeing these images that flash and then make me blind to the world around me. I'm just seeing this movie. A movie of all my what ifs in my life. Great-  someone sat next to me. See this lack of communication of one another makes things awkward. The moment where the person sitting next to you can't get the hint that if you are picking up your stuff it means you are getting off at the upcoming stop. So there you go putting you perfect English voice on “Excuse me…” and give an awkward smile. 7:20 MaCarthur Station. She got off, Thank Youuu!! I'm here for about five minutes, something about the SF train having priority than Fremont even though we got here first and by we I mean the Fremont train. But I don't mind, I just wish they would close the doors. I look around because I feel like I'm in a museum and the people around me are the greek statues, not moving a hair. It's a scary scene believe it. Well only if you really think about it. Today we have the nice lady through the intercom conducting the train. She gives a “Have a nice day” at the end of every stop. Doors close. Four more stops. You know I just realized I haven't done my homework…Greaaat. My eyes feel heavy so I close them for a little. 

7:40 Fruitvale Station. Amazing, ok here we go. As I get off I see the same people. This 5’4 mid 30s blind man who I unintentionally end up helping him because well none of the functioning robots wanted to help. Okay here we go sir… oop no not there, okay… He says thank you and I'm off. As I walk out of the BART station a big chunk of where the bicycles and the pay phones used to be is going under construction, I don't even know what for, it's not like it going to be any use later. Ugh- I have to go around. I head to my stop waiting for the 21 bus and as any day, here comes the really petite hispanic lady with her young boy, waiting for the same bus. I think her kid goes to the church school off by Saint Elizabeths. And his mom well she looks very tired, she probably does a lot of cooking. His dad sometimes comes and drops him off with paint on his pants so I figured he's a carpenter. They are a happy family, who may seem to have little but they are conform with what what they have because the support of love and unity is enough.

  Ugh- its cold. I check my phone to see what time the bus is coming. 1 minute. Oh thank God. While I wait, which is by the way what feels like an eternity, I think about the next couple of months I have left of high school. What I imagine walking down the stage with my cap and gown and finally being able to say “I’m finally done”. I’m day dreaming again… I would leave school early because although the ceremony doesn’t start until 4:00 p.m, I cannot stand another minute of this place. I arrived to Richmond, by this time I am finally driving. Seriously - I better be. I’d call my mom to see if she wants to go eat somewhere, she agrees like I knew she would and she comes down stairs along side with my dad, they get in the car and we drive to this new restaurant that opened down by 23rd street. We have a good time, although I probably couldn't even eat as much of how nervous I would be, my dad begins reminiscing about the times I was just a little baby and growing up all the silly and embarrassing moments that are just about my entire livelihood. I would begin to feel this pressure in my chest that wants to come through my throat and spill everywhere. Seriously where is this bus… My mom would begins by telling me how proud she is of me and how nervous and excited she is for this upcoming journey of mine. I should have brought extra layers it's so cold…  I imagine that I would thank them for their unconditional love and support even during the toughest times and afters tears and laughs we would head back home. I would get ready, do my hair and makeup, my cap and gown ironed, laid on my bed. The rest of the family would finish getting ready and we head off back into Oakland, my dad driving this time. As we get to the location of the ceremony my heart would start beating fast again. I’d text my friends to see if they are here yet. Everyone begins arriving, eagered as well to get this show on the road, the teachers begin putting us in the places we had originally been practicing for weeks now. My hands start sweating now and I can’t stop moving back and forth. We sit down.. Ugh finally. Can we get this started please? The stage is filled with important people, the guest speakers, valedictorians, principal, head administrators. After what seems like a an eternity of speeches about how amazing it is that we take this next step and the importance it is that we achieve our goals and dreams like um i've heard this basically more times than the years I’m still stuck in school, they begin calling our names. Crap this is really happening.. The line keeps getting shorter almost upcoming to my row. My heart begins to beat fast again and i feel a heat flushing through my cheeks. I swear if I fall - I’m going to cry. As the call my name it was like I stopped breathing and everything around me was in slow motion. I walk up breathing in and out heavily, smiling so hard to the point I can feel my cheeks hurt. Please don’t fall, please don’t fall.. I look around the headlights of the venue flashing my face, I see my peers who look relieved after receiving their diploma waiting for everyone to go, I search the room for my mom.. Ooh there she is... smile! As she is holding up her phone to take a picture. I shake everyones hand who were on the stage and continue walking across the stage saying “Thank You, I'm finally done”. But then it hits you that there's still four more years left of college but that's for another story. 

7:48 The bus is here. Okay here we go again…