Collection of Thoughts | Teen Ink

Collection of Thoughts

January 15, 2015
By IsaacMa, South Pasadena, California
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IsaacMa, South Pasadena, California
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Chapter 1
Human interaction is one of the greatest miracles of life. It gives us the source of all emotion, whether it be from happiness or insecurity, or even depression. As individuals, humans have the power to make significant change in others. To each other, we are not bound by limits.
Throughout my life up to now, many realizations have changed me to my current thought process and my views on society.
Through my elementary school years, I don’t remember any emotions. I feel as if I was too young to experience anything significant related to life. Young and carefree, it’s the only point in our/my life/lives in which we don’t worry about the future, or worry in general. The odd thing is, I don’t remember if I was happy either. Maybe it was too long ago, or maybe kids just live for the moment. But now, even a decade later, I still feel that we should live for the moment and disregard worries of the future. Living life in spite of the future and in constant worry is not the right path. It leads to a habit in which, you live for future and forget to live the present. If you live for the future and not the present, you never enjoy yourself, because, until you die, there is always a future. Ultimately, such worry is the root of depression. The most important lesson I’ve gathered in my life is to enjoy the now. As Oogway said to Panda, “You are too concerned about what was and what will be. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” If you live a life of the present, there will never be worries: because you will not be thinking concerns for the future. The lack of this habit is what essentially causes people to lose control of their lives. Believe in the future that things will work out. Even if they don’t, you’ve enjoyed yourself until then. And how better could a life be when you’ve lived it to the peak?
It is human tendency to think of the future. But that doesn’t mean it has to control you. Ultimately, you have the choice to dwell on the past, or agonize over the future, or just live. Because when you live the present correctly, the future is paved as you go.
The failure to realize this is the failure of the our society. Society encourages worry. From the moment of birth, we are raised in the attitude to work hard for tomorrow. We forget to live today.
I’m not reflecting or persuading a change in people, but rather pointing out a rather obvious that isn’t very obvious to the majority of our population.
In middle school, my anxiety took over me. I wanted to become the best at everything. Best in sports. Best in class. Best in social standards. Grades took priority over all. It consumed me. And even with the best of efforts, I failed to recognize that goal. I always became second, or somewhat worse than others at specific tasks. I dwelled on it. I wasn’t popular, not the funniest person, nor the caring, kind person. It brought me into depression. For the majority of junior high, my depression and desire for attention kept me in low spirits. My greatest regret, yet greatest experience, is during these times. I learned the most important lesson of my life during my time of hardship. Sure, academic criteria and popularity can matter. But is it significant?
In high school, things turned upside down for the better. My grades aren’t as high as they’ve been, nor am I popular. But now, I know how to live my own life. I can guide myself in the present, and toss myself into the future through it.

There are many kinds of, for lack of a better term, ‘fake’ people. Some get better as they progress through their lives. Others gain a personality throughout school that sticks to them forever.
The first kind are those who get popularity stuck in their heads. Though the root of popularity is quite hard to trace, it is easy to distinguish between those who take popularity to the head, or those who are humble of it. In my perspective, those humble are the people who turn out to be the most successful and endearing of people. The correct habits, mindset, and ability to interact with others is essential toward the future. Because of this, I believe high school to be one of the most important steps in our lives, as it will determine, for the most part, the rest of our lives. On the other hand, those with a status and fame will only go further to any depth to retrieve or maintain their popularity. As a result, drugs, parties, and stupid decisions come into play. Everything these people do is to raise their own status. They live for popularity. Essentially, every moment of opportunity given is one to uphold themselves to others, instead of upholding themselves to be humble. Obviously, there will always be these people. In a society, there are those on tilt and those making the correct decisions. However, in my eyes, I observe that our society is leaning towards becoming more fake as time progresses. Our society is slowing changing into a norm in which, being weird is the norm. A society in which, drugs are the norm. A society which calls for popularity to be a lifestyle and control life. A society, that ultimately, makes people want to be a part of this new norm that, shouldn’t be a norm. In America, with ‘freedom’ and such, we are allowing too much. In example: by allowing gay marriage, and showing the world that it is a human right, we encourage such detours from what should be our norm. In this way, more and more gays are showing up. This is not a coincidence. When something is allowed, people become it. By advertising and pushing things deeper into our society, we are creating a new norm in many aspects. Not that I am anti-gay: merely speculating on how our easy acceptance creates a transformation that not everyone may agree with, and by doing so, only expands the problem. In addition, in California, allowing it creates these “popular kids” take advantage of society’s new trends. They start to support what the ‘majority’ supports. And as a result, it actually does become a majority through this process. In my opinion, that ‘shouldn’t affect’ anyone else, is that we shouldn’t encourage, unconsciously, the popularity to control the norm. It’s wavering off into points that don’t make sense. In essence, we create dumb people and dumb new things. Somewhat understandably, these kids are encouraged to do almost anything because it’s cool. Doing something crazy and stupid (obviously not stupid or crazy to them) will help them reach society’s attention. Some school shootings, theft, bullying, is the ultimate result of this. I understand more than anyone else that it’s done for fun. But there’s obviously a limit.
The reality of life should be: deal with your own problems. One experience encapsulated my feelings on point. As I was scrolling through Instagram, an app, as most know, in which one can post photos or videos to friends, I found a post that angered me. It was one with a hand, and several cuts on it. Apparently, it was a mark to show that one ‘almost’ committed suicide, but decided not to. A sign of depression. My first thoughts, simply put: wow. Astonishing. The extent of how far one goes to receive attention. The photo spoke out, “I’m depressed. Treat me better than everyone else. Give me attention.” I know I shouldn’t care. But when I saw who it was, it really didn’t surprise me, but was even more shocked to see that it had actually received sympathy. Reading through the comments of sympathy and ‘desires to help.’ This entire society focuses on trying to gain attention. As humans, it’s impossible not to have that greed. But there are subtleties in doing so, and as before, there are limits. I’m not complaining: once again, my problems are my own. But their problems should be there own as well. Their lives aren’t more difficult than anyone else’s.

In high school, no matter how much you try to hide your fears, they’re still there. We’re all worried about college, our future jobs, families, friends. As in Ch. 1, the goal is to try to end worrying. The path I’ve found to losing worry and/or depression is to find an escape. For me, I would think that an escape is a passion, something I love doing, something I wouldn’t get bored of. But the problem is that I don’t specifically have a passion. I enjoy doing things, but I don’t love anything in particular. At this point, my biggest worry is my passion.
At school, we students are very sensitive to many things, because everything we do not in a perfect fashion harms self-esteem. As a result, we tend to blame our circumstances or our teachers. Usually, anything but ourselves.

I’m one that has many aspirations and dreams, but am an extreme sloth when it comes to working. I want to get good grades, I want to try hard in sports, I want to do well in everything I do. But every time, I put laziness or what I want at the moment in front of my dreams. I play games, or hang out, or sleep in front of my work. I ditch practice when I’m tired. Temporary relief and give up something permanent. In my opinion, that is my fatal flaw, and may be what cuts me off from achieving. I’m scared most of regrets. Life is short, and I’m in the early stages of it, but that’s what makes it scarier. If I fail here, I’ll have to live the rest of my short, but long aggravating rest of my life in failure.
At the same time, despite potential regrets of the future, I believe it’s so hypocritical, there’s no solution. If I spend all my time trying to achieve something, then I would’ve spend that time wastefully. I haven’t enjoyed that moment.
So there’s really no solution, but my hopes are to live a balanced lifestyle for the time being. I don’t necessarily dedicate 100% of my time playing, nor do I dedicate myself to studying. By doing so, I hope to have no regrets as I continue my life.
There aren’t many things in the world that strike me as a passion, but if there were to be something, it would be travelling. Having lived in America for 12 years, easily most of my life, I want to explore the world. As a hobbyist of photography, I would love to travel around the globe, taking photos that are unbelievably extraordinary, capturing moments in time. I would love to see and experience the beauty and meet new people. The most beautiful experiences would be seeing the world in my own eyes, and seeing the world in other people’s eyes.
Another huge fear I hold is simply growing up. Looking back, I don’t want to let go of fond memories and old hobbies. Feelings of nostalgia bring about depression more than anything, and at this point, I can’t help but think of the terror of the future. Childhood is fun, and the more I seem to grow up, the less the world seems to offer. I miss being careless. Innocence blesses one with the ability to be without worry. Many worry about death, and the aftermaths of it. I worry about whether or not my time on Earth has been for a reason, and if the life will live will be a good one until the end. But my instincts tell me that I will be pleased once I find my true passion.


One of the few impacts tied in with my photography is my love for the clean, beautiful world that nature has shaped. Because of it, I despise human impacts that undo nature’s beauty. Pollution is one of those such factors, and the rise of technology is allowing for the growth in output of pollution. I’ve done quite a bit of research on this area: Through research,from periodicals to websites, I’ve found that technology can help reduce the pollution that we’ve caused. Essentially, technology to eliminate and reduce pollution and global warming in our world. Such an expansive topic at hand, there are many categories of pollution: air, soil, radioactive, thermal, light, and noise pollution. On average, according to the Pollution Timeline, 30 years created an of average of 60% pollutant decrease of various chemicals in the air, such as carbon dioxide, nitrogen dioxide, ozone, sulfur dioxide, etc. Today, many vehicles manufactured are environmentally less hazardous by 90% since the last few decades! The same goes for their fuel output. From these statistics, the world is attempting the regain its path to not destroying our world. However, it’s not enough. According to Andrew Farmer in his book, “ManagingEnvironmentalPollution”, toward the future, nanotechnology is in development; that is, the dealing with matter at an atomic level. Scientists say that it seems to hold promise, especially in the area of water purification. It is relieving that as a world and country, best efforts are continually going on for the preservation of the air, water, ground, and human health.
Because of pollution, many tourist areas and recreational zones have been damaged through solid waste and litering, air pollution, water pollution, etc. Not only does it harm the beauty, it depletes resource sustainability and unsustainable usage of land.
In addition, we should attempt to conserve natural areas around us. The primary purpose of parks is for human enjoyment in that they are able to provide physical involvement with nature or sports. People enjoy themselves more when they are in a cleaner, beautiful environment. Despite their feelings of preference, almost no one helps the park and cleans up after themselves! Kids love to have fun and play around, but do not clean up after themselves, and as a result, the park gets filthier daily. Specifically, the Orange Grove Park local in South Pasadena is always dirty and unsanitary due to the immense amount of trash left behind. Because people are not actively involved in caring for the environment around the area, we need to always take care of the environment.
By cleaning up the environment, a multitude of environmental problems are solved  – mainly that of which involves the safety of children.  Unsanitary conditions in which children, even adults enjoy themselves may be toxic to not only the nature, but to the people who come. When a park is sanitary, it sets off a chain reaction in that people will begin to litter less because it is cleaner. They inevitably feel more guilt in littering in a clean area.
For The Los Angeles County, well known throughout the world in various aspects, is also notorious for its smog and air pollution. Since the pollution affects the county, as a part of the LA county, South Pasadena is also ultimately affected. Locally, we do not address air pollution but leave it as a problem of the state or county. What can we do to help reduce air pollution and the quality of our air? First, to address this, we must trace the main sources of air pollution, which primarily, disregarding natural sources, come from fossil fuels used in mobile sources, stationary sources, and area sources. Today, we get most of our electricity from coal and natural gases. Together, the usage of the fuels contribute to climate change and air pollution. Essentially, to cut down air pollution, it is evident that we must cut down fossil fuel use. A clear alternative is the usage of solar energy. With the astonishing amount of rooftop space and pollution, it should be evident that solar energy can be very efficient in helping to clean our environment. I propose that, in South Pasadena, solar panels be set up in homes, schools, businesses, and even in warehouses. Despite its small drawbacks, if the task is completed, the result is much more rewarding. Individually, with state incentives and with the exponentially increasing cost of electricity annually, money can be saved, despite the high initial cost of setting up panels. Even ignoring individual advantages, as a community, by taking advantage of the sun’s renewable energy, we can help save the environment and significantly lower air pollution emission rates. Fundamentally, when we think of survival, we think of food or water. In the long run, however, clean air means the survival of our well-being in terms of health, and in addition, it means the survival of wildlife; trees, crops, water sources, etc. By using solar panels, the city of South Pasadena can make a change and go green.

A while back, around five years ago, I lost my grandmother during her time at a facility for the elderly. At an old age of 78, she passed away, leaving behind her selfless lifestyle and habits for us to overtake. As a simple way to give back to the community, I devoted (and still do) myself to community service in the elderly centers in Alhambra from time to time. However, my concern for the disabled elderly brought to my attention the fact of lack of care and money for them, especially in the U.S.
Key Points:
·         The average life expectancy in the U.S. is around 80 years of age
·         There are 40 million elderly living in the U.S. aged 65 and up, or one in every 8 Americans
·         Many elders are unable to or soon will be unable to access affordable health care
·         Medicare in the U.S. is going broke, experts estimate that it will have no fund by 2016
·         Lack of skilled, experienced workers, that are able to keep up with the number of patients coming in every day
·         Workers are needed for : to keep the elderly company, care for basic needs, and assistance in moving.
·         Problems with body affect over half of Americans that are over the age of 85
·         Despite  adult congregate communities, assisted living communities, rental retirement communities, life care communities, personal care homes, and subsidized housing, there are a major lack of facilities in the United States
·         Nursing homes are also lacked within the U.S.
The lack of caring for the elderly is ultimately due to the lack of facilities in general, funding, and lack of staff. “Caring” for the elderly is any action that helps or assists an elder, by maintaining their health and making their life comfortable in their current situation. If I had the power to do so, I would fund more money to help the elderly comfortably end their lives in peace.
Research and statistics show that developed countries have a much longer average lifespan, therefore are beginning to require more and more facilities. But even so, workers are required greatly. It is up to us who have some time on our hands to help out and volunteer.

One of the most interesting things that strike me is the study of human nature. As I’ve stated earlier, I am very objective and speculative when it comes to the actions of humans. Mostly, I pay attention because I dislike the person at hand.
Psychology is a very interesting field, especially because it is very intricate and has no virtually no boundaries, because every person is different and difficult to comprehend. One of the best movies I’ve seen in a previous class I’ve had depicted these interests very well.
Spellbound, directed by Alfred Hitchcock in 1945, it tells the story of Dr. Petersen, a female psychologist, who falls in love with Dr. Edwardes, who she finds is not who he claims to be. Confiding to Dr. Petersen about his murder of the real Dr. Edwardes and claiming his identity, he is shown to be suffering from a severe case of amnesia. As a result, Dr. Petersen believes that ‘Dr. Edwardes’ is innocent and resolves to prove his innocence through psychological means. In order to prove Ballantine’s (‘Dr. Edwardes’ real name) innocence, Dr. Petersen attempts to root the source of his feeling of guilt in murder. With the help of Dr. Brulov, Dr. Petersen’s former teacher, together, they try to analyze and depict Ballantine’s dreams/flashbacks and distinct memories into their true meaning and connection to his past.
         Amnesia is the deficit in memory, a result of disease, brain damage, or trauma. While under the restraint of amnesic conditions, the subject may remember parts of his or her past, however, may digress to believe that some other event has occurred, causing him or her to believe events that have not actually occurred. In Spellbound, it is deduced by Dr. Petersen that the cause of John Ballantine’s confusion is amnesia. Due to his childhood memories of murder, John deduced that he had murdered Dr. Edwardes because of his knowledge of guilt in his subconscious. It is later revealed that his guilt complex was derived from his earlier memory of Ballatine’s accidental push of his brother into a fence, causing his brother to be stabbed along the railing and die.
         Psychotherapy, by definition, is the treating of mental illness by talking with a mental health provider, specifically psychiatrists or psychologists. In the film, Dr. Petersen and Dr. Brulov attempt to learn Ballantine’s moods, feelings, thoughts, behavior, and condition. Through these means, they extracted various clues into furthering their investigation. However, during the process, Dr. Petersen helps and tries to get Ballantine hypnotized into an altered state of consciousness to focus his thoughts on his past. Sometimes successful, hypnotism helps Ballantine relax and helps solve the amnesia in a slow process.
         Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is developed after one is exposed to traumatic events, such as serious injury or warfare. Like amnesia, the diagnosis of PTSD can include recurring flashbacks, the numbing of memories of events, and hyperarousal (flight-or-fight response). In general, PTSD is most common for war veterans. For John Ballantine, his PTSD is developed alongside his amnesia after his encounter with the death of Dr. Edwardes and after his childhood experience of his murder of his brother. A symptom that John developed is seen in his fear of lines, shown when John backs off Constance Petersen when she is wearing a dress with lines on it, and also in the hotel room.
         As John’s dreams are analyzed throughout the film, with symbols including a man with no face, a man falling off a building, a man hiding, with eyes, curtains, scissors, and playing cards, Dr. Petersen and Dr. Brulov deduce that the real Edwardes and Ballantine had been skiing together. To recall clearer memories, Dr. Petersen takes Mr. Ballantine to the San Gabriel Valley, where they had allegedly been during the skiing trip. Once at the mountains, while skiing with Constance, Ballantine remembers that Edwardes fell off a precipice at the edge of the mountain. As they are about to reach the precipice, John saves them both and he is exonerated, until, it is found that Edwardes’ body at the bottom of the mountains had a bullet. Without giving up hope, Constance analyzes John’s dreams once more, and realizes that Dr. Murchison had shot Edwardes in fright of losing his own job by being replaced. Ballantine is exonerated, and his amnesia is resolved.
Spellbound reached a point of psychology in which human interaction was easy but difficult at the same time.



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SimmonsL21 said...
on Mar. 26 2015 at 1:17 pm
@IsaacMa very nice. Marvelous..I am loving this,...