Love and Insanity | Teen Ink

Love and Insanity

May 17, 2019
By loganhaustein, Las Vegas, Nevada
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loganhaustein, Las Vegas, Nevada
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Author's note:

This experience has taught me to enjoy life and live it to the fullest always.

Five years ago, I met an amazing girl named Trinity.  She had moved to Las Vegas from Wyoming. She was the type of person that could walk into a room and make all the darkness go away.  She was the light. There was never a time where she wasn’t smiling. She was one of the nicest and most caring people I have ever met.

We were both in the 8th grade when she moved to Las Vegas from Wyoming, and she was new to the school and didn’t know anyone.  I first noticed her when I had the same English class as her. She walked in the room and for me it was like when she was the only girl that I could see in the classroom.  She had long bouncy brown hair, with big doe brown eyes and a smile that could light up a room. I remember the first day I saw her, she was wearing dark blue ripped jeans with a white shirt and a maroon cardigan.  When she walked in that classroom I knew that I wanted to be in her life, whether that was as a friend or even a boyfriend maybe. I was extremely nervous to even talk to her and I didn’t know if my mind would just go blank and I would freeze up as soon as I walked up to her so the first day I didn’t do it.  The second day came and I still couldn’t do it. A week passed by and I still didn’t have enough courage to talk to her. I had never been this way with any girl, but Trinity was different. She was one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen and just listening to her she seemed really nice, funny, smart, and most importantly she knew how to stand up for herself. One day, some girls were whispering and talking bad about her in a group in our English class and when she heard this she walked up to them and said, “Hi I’m Trinity, I don't know you very well so stop spreading rumors about me.”

A week passed by and I knew that if I wanted to be with her that I had better get to her quick because I could already tell all of the guys in my school were drooling over her like I was.  So on Monday after English class was over I finally decided today was the day and walked up to her when she was at her locker and said, “Hi I’m Logan I don’t know if you know who I am but I just wanted to say I think you’re really cute.”

She smiled and said, “Thank you, that's very nice of you.”

I then walked her to her bus and we talked about ourselves and then I said, “Hey can I maybe get your snapchat?”

She looked at me and laughed with a big smile then said, “Yeah, text me later, I might need help with the homework.”

I was ecstatic with excitement, as soon as I walked away from her I had the biggest grin on my face.  As soon as I got home I texted her and luckily enough she responded right away. After that we texted for hours and hours just talking about random middle school kid stuff.  I was so into Trinity it was ridiculous. Before her I had girls that I could’ve dated but none of them wowed me like Trinity did. The next day at school I moved seats to sit next to her and we talked and made jokes and it's like we had an instant connection.  A few weeks passed and Trinity and I were really close but I hadn’t asked her out yet. I was nervous, not knowing if she actually would want to date and I didn’t want to get turned down. But I knew that if I wanted a chance with her then I’d have to take my shot.

So the next day, Tuesday, September 15, 2014, I walked up to her after school ended and I asked her out and to my relief she didn’t hesitate to say yes.  I was so happy and so was she just by the expression on her face when I asked her that I could tell she was waiting for me to ask her. After a few months had passed, after all our movie dates, restaurant dates, long night facetimes and just being together for so long we were irrevocably in love with each other.  Some don’t believe that fourteen year olds know what love really is, but what me and Trinity shared was so special. Although we had our ups and down like every relationship has we still both made each other the happiest we’ve ever been.

On June 17th, 2015, three days after our 9 month anniversary, Trinity went on a road trip with one of her friends to Reno, only a few hours away from Las Vegas.  Later that afternoon I received a phone call from one of Trinity’s cousins saying that Trinity and her 18 year old friend had been in a car accident. Trinity passed away at the scene. After hearing this I was in shock and disbelief.  I remember thinking to myself, “Why her? She was only 14 years old and had her whole life ahead of her.” Even though we’d only been together for nine months, it was like I knew her my whole life. For weeks I sat in my room in heartbreak and sorrow.  I felt as if I wasn’t myself without her. I had never really shed a tear since I was 5 years old when I broke my leg, but I had broken that streak and my eyes became a firehose pouring out tears for days. Before the car accident, that summer I was going to Holland on a soccer trip and I was the happiest I could ever be because I had the perfect girl to support me and I was having success with the game that I loved.  After Trinity’s passing though I didn’t feel that happiness anymore and when I went to Holland my head just wasn’t in the game. I kept thinking about how every time I got done playing a game or a practice how I would text Trin, but after the first training session in Amsterdam I had, that's exactly what I did. I knew that I wasn’t going to get a response and that was the part that hurt me the most; that I could never hear her voice again.

When I got back from Holland, a few weeks before school started, there was a candlelight vigil to celebrate her life with all the people she influenced for the time that she was with us.  That night about 200 people got together at the football field of Desert Oasis High School to remember Trinity. All 200 of us were brought together on that night by one 14 year old girl, and this made me realize how amazing she really was.  It made me realize how lucky I was that Trin was my first love and that I got to spend 9 amazing months with her and experience something that some people in life never get to have. So I learned not to think about what I lost, but what I was lucky enough to have.



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