i glared up at him and he gave me a look that made me know he was about to yell at me “I'm just looking out for you kid it's a tough field and you're just lazy all you do is go out with your friends and spend money. It needs to stop you need to focus on school start saving money for books Mom and i didnt get into the medical field just hanging out and partying all the time we “Hey Jo hows the college stuff going.” my dad asked leaning on my bedroom door frame “fine i guess.” i replied not looking up from my laptop “still applying for nursing?” he said “ umm yea i think so” “it's a lot of hard work kid and you need to try your hardest it's a very competitive field and at the rate you're going now you wont make it you need to grow up.”   

had it hard you have it easy you're very spoiled.” He said crossing his arms “Okay, dad great i'll do my best like i have been thanks for the amazing pep talk” i replied as my eyes started to water. “Nick’s here with Matt” he said before he left. “You good Nick said laying next to me i shrugged my shoulders matt sat on my computer chair and twirled my lacrosse stick as ciana walked in and threw her bag at matt she laid at the foot of the bed on her phone.

   I really don't wanna be a doctor anymore. I'm scared to go into medical school and fail, disappoint my parents and waste money for something i'm only doing to make them happy. “I think you should tell your parents.” Nick said i felt his eyes beaming on me “yea  probably should.” i said not making eye contact i started reapplying to colleges with the major of marine biology instead of nursing. Not a lot of colleges have marine biology so it was tough.

    After everyone left i made my way down stairs where my family was watching tv my heart dropped to my stomach “i need to talk to you guys.” i said standing in front of them they paused whatever action movie they were watching and for the first time had their whole attention on me they looked concerned and worried. “I don't wanna go to medical school anymore. I'm scared and it's just not my dream i thought i was gonna be happy and i thought it's what i wanted but everyday i think about it and everyday when dad tells me how i'm not gonna make it it kills me i wanna make you guys proud and do this for you but i'm not happy i don't wanna waste my life going to school for something i have no interest in. i want to work with animals you know that i always have when we went to Florida and Hawaii i was drawn to the water and the ocean life and that's what i wanna do i wanna help the ocean life and thats what makes me happy i'm so sorry.” tears rolled down my face and for the first time they looked understanding and upset “you can do whatever makes u happy nani we love you and will always stand by and support you just take a breath go get some sleep and we can figure everything out tomorrow you have time and we aren't upset at you.” my dad said “speak for yourself.” my mom added “you back out because it's a lot of work and you're lazy you dont wanna put the effort in i was so proud you were gonna follow me and dad and be a doctor even better than us but now i'm really just disappointed. Get out of my sight.” the feeling i had was no longer sad but anger i went up to my room and slammed the door. How is that fair? she wanted to be a marine biologist when she was my age why can't i follow my dream? Is it because she couldn't?  I laid curled up with my three foot long panda stuffed animal crying into him so no one could hear. I wanna be happy and i wanna choose my future and my career.

I opened up my laptop. My face felt hot and wet from the tears rushing down my face for about an hour. Looking at apartments. I gave up and shut my laptop gently laying it on the floor. My eyes felt heavy and i suddenly felt ridiculously tired. Before i was able to fully fall asleep, my phone rang, it was one of my best friends Noah. “hello” i answered half asleep. “Hello Mrs. Jo, you know i just wanted to let you know i love you and you're my best friend i appreciate you. It's very cold out, but anyways if i don't make it tonight i love you. He said slurring his words. I sat up still half asleep “Noah what are you talking about?” i asked.

“Oh you know i got kicked out for drinking so i'm just walking around town it's very cold.” He said half laughing and slurring his words. “I'm coming to get you where are u.”

“No no no no you don't have to do that i'm fine really i'm fine ill just sleep on a bench or something.”

“No, Noah stay where you are i'm coming to get you.” i said i kept him on the phone and grabbed my car keys it was almost 1 a.m. I pulled up to the elementary school where he was laying in a bush. i pulled him up and he reeked of vodka and beer.

“Wow you're really here” he said. I threw him in the passenger seat along with the books he stole and gave to me.

“Stay here for a second.” I said pulling into my driveway. I unlocked the side door and hid my dog in another room. By the time I got back outside he was already outside of the car wondering around. “Noah let’s go.” I said

“No, it’s ok my friends coming to get me it's fine just go inside thank you for the ride but im fine miss  Jo.” he said barely holding himself up. I grabbed him and tried dragging him into the house but he was way stronger than I am.

 “Fine let me talk to your friend then,” i said watching him lay in the wet grass. He handed me his phone “whats his name.” i asked going through his contacts “cade.” he mumbled sprawled out across the grass with his eyes closed and a slight smile on his face. I called him right away it wrong 5 times before he answered “Hey Noah where are you man are you ok ” he answered “hey this is noah's friend Jo he's at my house right now refuses to come inside says you are coming to pick him up is that true.” I said staring at noah with my hand on the back of my neck.  “ no I mean I’m a hike away i can’t go get him can he stay with you for the night and i can get him tomorrow?’ he said “yea i guess he just told me you were picking him up but that was clearly a lie.” I sighed I gave him my number to text me for updates “lets go” I said picking up Ryan. I threw his arm over my shoulder and helped him walk to the basement of my house “you have a very nice house.” he said “Thanks Noah.” I grabbed a sheet a blanket and a pillow and set it up on the basement couch. “Do you have any water.” he said, I jogged upstairs and got him a glass of water and jogged back down.

He kept fighting me and telling me he was gonna leave after he sobered up his phone kept dinging and ringing. I was getting very annoyed and aggravated he knocked over my guitar and a few toys and chairs. “Noah sit down.” I firmly said pointing at the couch. He sat down and fell on to the pillow after a minute. “I'm gonna leave my phone sound on and i'll be right upstairs you call me if you need me and you DO NOT LEAVE.” I said “yes boss” he mumbled. I shut off the lights locked the door that leads outside and jogged upstairs I tried closing the door quietly but i guess my mom was already awake.

“What are you doing its 2 am” she said crossing her arms. “Noah's down stairs he got kicked out and needed a place to stay.” I said “ you know I dont like boys in the house…...is he ok” she asked “He will be. Just needs to sleep. Probably take him to see ciana tomorrow and his friend Cades picking him up in town after breakfast so.” I said  she nodded and gave me a hug “get some sleep baby.” I hugged her tight and held in my tears. We both walked back to our rooms and I managed to get a little bit of sleep.

I woke up to Noah's voice talking on the phone. I pulled out my phone and texted him

Me: text me when you're up

Noah F.: I am up silly

I got up off my bed and jogged down to the kitchen I saw my dad who was back from working an overnight. “Hey.” I said letting go of the basement door knob. “Your friend still here?” my dad asked “ yea we’re leaving soon.” I said. He nodded his head seeming a little pissed i turned the door knob slowly and smiled at my dad pulling the door open. I jogged down the stairs seeing Noah sitting up on the couch with the blankets and sheets folded and placed on the end of the couch. I sat on the computer chair still exhausted.

“How are you feeling.” I asked.

“May still be a little drunk. it's very nice outside.” He said looking out the back door

“We’re going to cianas and getting breakfast cade is picking you up later.” I informed

“ We NEED to stop  at my house first.” He blurted     

“No chance Noah.” I pondered

“Jo you don't understand i have enough alcohol in my lawn to kill a baby elephant we need to go get them before my parents see it.” He shuddered

I thought about it for a few minutes. It was insanely risky and just overall a bad idea. He definitely didn't need anymore alcohol or the issues it could cause if we got caught. I threw my head back and dragged my hands down my face. He looked at me with his bright white straight teeth. I smiled and agreed. We both went upstairs to my room. I pulled out two pairs of shorts a red shirt and a green sweatshirt i stole from Ciana.

“These are some slutty shorts,” Noah exclaimed

I laughed as he took of his pants standing in the middle of my room with only his red striped boxers and his gray baseball shirt, pulling on my short ripped shorts.

“How do I look?” he asked as he posed. I shook my head and grabbed my other pair of shorts and my red shirt and went to the bathroom, I set my clothes down in the sink and leaned against the closed door. Thinking. What am i doing with my life thinking am i happy. Thinking, i put everyone before myself. Thinking, i'm lost.