Welcome to the Safari

I think we can all agree that hyenas are undisputedly the most annoying animal on the planet. Excuse my language, but their agonizing laugh makes kids not want to go to the zoo. The constant giggle really ticks me off if you couldn't tell, and the fact that they aren't even alpha enough to laugh at me is what adds fuel to the fire. Not a single person would be scared if a boxing announcer had to introduce a hyena.

“STAAAAAANDING AT TWO AND A HALF FEET TALL, VERY UNDERWEIGHT, AND NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE MOST INTIMIDATING ANIMAL IN THE SAFARI, IN THE LEFT CORNER THE HYENA.”

Not to blow smoke up my butt or anything, but I can say I’ve run into some “hyenas” while I was the king of the jungle. Someone who thought they were the lion when in reality they were just a house cat. Not even a cool house cat either. More like one of those hairless ones that no one likes. Sadly, that poor hairless house cat hyena ironically did not get the last laugh.

Friday night lights in Texas are not taken lightly. As a player, I can say that on game days we are treated like the New England Patriots. Leave school early, drive on a bus to a stadium better than seventy percent of colleges, and get pampered with free food. With all this hype surrounding our games, comes student section trash talk and “beef” between players. In this case, it was the last district game of the year, so running into the playoffs with a win helps with momentum.

The coin is flipped and we end up receiving the ball first. I was an offensive player and took the field on the very first play of the game. The crowd was roaring, the lights were shining, and the blood was flowing. I line up and see an opposing player lined up head-on. Except, he’s about five foot seven so I have to look down on him. While looking down he starts running that little hyena mouth of his, and since I was the king of the jungle, I just didn't reply. Little hyena man kept trying to get under my skin the whole first quarter. However, for some odd reason, his talk started to get less and less. If I'm using my context clues suitably, maybe it’s because I had one hundred receiving yards and a touchdown while his team was down by twenty. By the fourth quarter, the poor house cat was completely silent and to his surprise, the king of the jungle started to roar. I constantly went at him for the remainder of the game and since his team was about to be down thirty at this point, he couldn't do anything about it. Sadly, that poor hyena let his emotions get the best of him and he tried to get up in my face, which led to him trying to shove me. Sadly, the little man just ended up pushing himself back and then a yellow flag went flying in the air. For those who don't know what a flying yellow flag means. It means there is a penalty to be addressed.

“PERSONAL FOUL, UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT ON THE DEFENSE.” The referee expresses.

I look to my left to see the opposing coach absolutely livid with his player. At this point, the clock runs out. We walk to the fifty-yard line where teams exchange handshakes, and to my surprise, the hyena comes up to me and gives the handshake of approval. Ironic how your haters will turn into your fans. I watched them mope back into the locker room. Meanwhile, I was thinking about how quiet that bus ride home was going to be. That made me ecstatic.

However, in his defense, that game was never going to be a close one. Getting under my skin was the only way possible to start having our team fall apart. Poor hyena just didn’t know I wouldn't be fazed. If you're going to talk trash, at least show enough class to know how to take a loss. Two of them actually. The game he was trying to play with me was a loss, along with the actual game itself. Two losses in one night may be tough, but at least for him, it’s a learning experience.

I want to advise you not to be one of those hyenas unless you are one hundred percent confident in your abilities or want to be made fun of in a college essay later down the road. Be like the king of the jungle. Know when to strike.