The Product | Teen Ink

The Product MAG

By Anonymous

   Congratulations, consumer!

You have just purchased the new and improved Ryan Ferland College-Bound Superhuman Action-Figure. Enhanced to graduate from high school in three years, your action-figure is guaranteed for hours of exciting conversation and intellectual stimulation. The Ryan Ferland College-Bound Superhuman Action-Figure is also a surety of creative enterprise, equipped with many diverse accessories for those consumers who have an eclectic range of needs they would like Ryan to fulfill. Enclosed is a brief list of those accessories. We at Ferland Family products ask you, the consumer, to please carefully read over the list and verify that each item is included with the Ryan Ferland College-Bound Superhuman Action-Figure.

Included Accessories:

One classical guitar and one Martin acoustic guitar.

Let Ryan serenade you with his extensive repertoire of minuets and etudes. He comes with three and a half years of formal musical instruction and has the patience and determination to master his instrument.

One large sketchbook, one set of drawing pencils, and one set of pens and ink.

With three years of drawing experiences, the Ryan Ferland Action-Figure has a vast portfolio expressing his many moods and desires. Each action-figure has a passion for art and creativity to exhibit wonderfully rendered pieces, pleasing to the eye.

One hard cover writing journal and one set of black ball-point pens.

Each Ryan Action-Figure believes that the art of expression through the written word is a valuable commodity in life's adventure. Ryan is a proficient writer. Last year alone he filled four complete writing journals, covering a wide variety of themes and forms. Ryan action-figures are known for their bluntness and articulation.

One current library card.

Ryan enjoys reading for pleasure and relaxation. He strives to read as many works of literature that he can to satisfy his many tastes.

One set of working papers.

Your Ryan action-figure has acquired work experience through the two jobs he has had the past two years. He has worked as a page at the Arlington library and as an audio-visual assistant at the Stetson University Library in his home own of Deland, Florida.

One valid passport.

Your Ryan action-figure is an expert traveler. His first airplane voyage was before he reached the age of one. He has been all over the earth, living at times in Paris, France and in Freiburg, Germany at the edge of the Black Forest. While in Europe, Ryan also journeyed to London for two two-week visits, walking the streets of Soho and immersing himself into the English life-style. Your Ryan action-figure has also walked through the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin, climbed the alps in Switzerland, driven through the former Czechoslovakia to Prague and spent a week in Austria. He is also a veteran explorer of North America, roaming throughout the states of the eastern seaboard to the freezing streets of Quebec in the center of a ferocious snowstorm.

We hope that your new purchase grants you the hours of pleasure that this unique figure was designed for. After checked the accessories list, please proceed to the Owner's Manual before attempting to operate the Ryan Ferland College-Bound Superhuman Action-Figure. Ferland Family Inc. is not liable for any damages caused by the improper handling of the action-figure. -

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This article has 4 comments.

i love this so much!

on Jul. 18 2010 at 1:15 am
SanjanaMalhotra BRONZE, New Delhi, Other
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

I really enjoyed reading this!

Do read my work -

on Oct. 1 2008 at 12:56 am
Brilliant idea. Definitely creative and original. Congratulations on a great essay.

Miabia said...
on Sep. 12 2008 at 1:05 pm
This is really a great idea - very original and funny, plus well written.