I've been bullied all my life. I can still remember the days in elementary school when everyone would just start laughing at me and I didn't know why. That went on for a while but once I hit fifth grade I starting cutting myself. No one really knew why and they really didn't care either. The more I cut the worse I was bullied. But cutting was my only outlet and it was too late to stop cutting, I was already addicted.
Once I got into middle school the bullying was worse and so was the cutting. But then I found out we had to move into a new town with nobody I knew. Right once I got there it was like I was at home... not for a good reason though, it was because I was bullied a lot. There wasn't much I could do about the bullying at the time, that's why I tried to ignore it in hope it would just blow over. Sixth grade was the year of hell. The bullying wouldn't stop and because of that my cutting had worsened.
Seventh grade was the year I hoped things would get better forever. But that didn't happen, instead things got even worse. I tried to kill myself multiple times just to make the bullies happy and to get them away from me. I never came close to death, but I did spend more than my fair share of time at the psych ward. By the end of seventh grade I had cut nearly ever place on my body and went to the hospital 5 times for attempted suicide.
Eight grade started and i was still being bullied. Only a month into school I was admitted to the hospital for attempted suicide. Once i had gotten out of the hospital i was relieved and stress free. It felt amazing, but it only lasted a week before the rumors were circling again (Did you hear what she did this time?, I heard she did it with him, I heard she tried to kill someone). The bullying had also started back up again (You might as well kill yourself, Nobody likes you, I hope you're killed soon) and everything they physically did to me (pushed me into lockers, hit me, tripped me, left me hate notes). Once again it didn't take long for me to start cutting again, but this time I also decided to start smoking. I didn't smoke much but I would still crave it.