Mixed Feelings | Teen Ink

Mixed Feelings

January 23, 2010
By Anonymous

The first time I saw him I had to tell myself, get a grip, he’s just another guy, a gorgeous one, but just like any other. It was the first week of class, so we were introduced, we chatted a little, and that was it. Nothing out of the ordinary. Yet I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
When he was working at his desk or in a conversation with someone else, I’d walk by and cautiously glance his way, trying to absorb every glorious feature of his face in a millisecond without him noticing. Once, our eyes met and I felt a jolt of desire, fear, and anxiety surge through me as I impulsively drew back my eyes in embarrassment. In a rush of conflicting emotions I would simultaneously hope he didn’t notice me while longing that he would.
In my imagination he would suddenly recognize my interest and sweep me off my feet like in those mockingly perfect chick flicks where the guy is always so romantic and witty and charming, practically reading the girl’s mind on just what to do. But then reality sinks in with the sharp buzz of the bell, rudely reminding me that I’m at school, not on some Hollywood movie set. This is reality where infatuation always ends in devastating disappointment.
Only I spend the rest of the day dreaming about him, imagining worlds where our love might blossom. I watch each of these rosy soap bubble worlds expand at each exhale. I hold my breath in hopeful anticipation, but then I let go. They burst in silent disenchantment, fallen tear drops on an indifferent concrete world.
Each time I see myself approaching him, mustering the courage to speak my mind, to let loose that caged and pacing beast, Emotion. I peer fearfully at the beast behind those bars, afraid to recognize the shared longing in its starved eyes. Most girls also have fears. That they’re too fat, too skinny, not pretty enough, or lack the personality and confidence to warrant attractiveness. But they have one undeniable feature in their favor. That they’re girls. And I’m not.



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This article has 3 comments.


on Aug. 2 2012 at 11:59 pm
Camille1234 PLATINUM, Corbett, Oregon
23 articles 0 photos 45 comments
I was not excpecting that ending this is really good you are a really good writer :) I just love this piece :)

on Aug. 21 2010 at 10:57 pm
conversegirl23 BRONZE, Wasilla, Alaska
1 article 1 photo 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So many frogs, so few princes"

Wow. Wasn't expecting that. Your a really good writer.

on Jan. 28 2010 at 7:21 pm
IsobelFree DIAMOND, Hamilton, Other
71 articles 20 photos 296 comments

Favorite Quote:
"As long as there is open road, the familiar has the most formidable competitor." - Anonymous

This is so sad. I feel for you; even though I'm not gay , I have friends who are and I know what they go through. but just know that one day you'll meet the right guy for you. Have faith. Great article. Best wishes, M.S. :)