My first serious relationship started in freshmen year of high school.  We were both 14, when we meet in one of our classes. I liked him instantly and I thought he liked me back. Fast forward into a few months and we were best friends and he liked one of my good friends. I helped him out with her and they ended up together. Well they did not last long. Soon after I broke up with my then boyfriend; He asked me out and I asked my friend for permission since he was her ex. She had told me yes; Which started the beginning of almost two years of a relationship. We were young and immature and nervous so of course it took us a while to hug and being able to hold hands and to finally kiss. We would talk every day. Snapchat, Instagram, Texting, and even Skype. It was great.

In the beginning, my parents didn’t know. They would not have allowed it. He told his parents and his family while I told my mother five months after we had started to date. We went to the socials (dances but more like a party) at our school together. Him and I were always together whenever we could be. When we didn’t have class, you could count on it that we would somehow be talking. He had grown himself a spot in my heart and made it home.

 Later, In the relationship, I had given him my heart and he had given me his. Around this later, give or take a little bit it was summer time. For any couple summer time can be a hard time. In the winter people want someone to be there for them and be in a relationship because it is cold. In the summer though it is warm, and people can do whatever they want by themselves. We didn’t break up that summer, but we had grown distant towards each other. We didn’t communicate as much as we had, and we never saw one another. It was difficult and at times I thought he was going to end it. We ended talking about it and we decided that we just need to see each other. School was starting up. We had a few classes together which we would either be seating together or working with each other. In the end of first semester of sophomore year, we had more time together. We had ended up doing a lot of things that most teenagers did but that was in the later of the second semester. We were both 16 at the time.

When I turned 16 my parents had invited him over, so they could meet him. My parents both had liked him, and my siblings adored him. My life was perfect, I had the person I love by my side and everyone could know it. When school had ended, we had the opportunity to hang out now. The first month of summer was great, we hanged out whenever we could since he had worked. We talked every day, all day, sometimes when he worked too. I had applied and got a job at McDonalds. My interview was on a day that he was coming over to spend time with me. He took me to my interview and I had gotten the job. I worked a lot of hours and only had a few days off. My first two weeks we did not have a week off in common, so I suggested he could come see me. He only came one and it was for a few seconds in the drive thru. I had been sent home earlier that day because I was sick. That night my dog had passed away and I was having a rough time with it, so I was somewhat distant. He had known about it, so he had understood.

He was having a bad summer also which had made him also distant. We didn’t spend time together or talk much since we both worked and had our own lives. On our 1 year and 8 months anniversary, June 24th, we spend time together. We talked, laughed, watched movies. It was perfect; I never felt happier then when I was with him. That was the last time we hanged out. The rest of the summer we barely talked and when we did, we fought, or it was okay back and forth. We had things of our own going on and started to do our own things. I tried and tried to fix the distant but there was multiply factors of why it would never work. He had some things and flaws that I didn’t like, and he wouldn’t change. I had been giving up more and more so at the end of the summer, we talked, and we broke up. He had said he couldn’t be a fully committed boyfriend. He wasn’t mature enough to be in a serious relationship while I was. My life wasn't perfect anymore. I wondered and still do, what was he doing for almost two years then? Was that just nothing to him? Was the love we shared just one sided or had it completely disappeared in a months’ time span.

I had invested a lot of time, love, tears, memories, everything. The break up was recent but with all the free time I have now. I just think about it all and look back on it. I had let myself get so wrapped up in him that I had talked to my best friends less and spent less time with them. I was only there for them when they desperately needed me, not all the time like a good friend would do. The relationship wasn’t a bad thing, but I had let it control every aspect of my life when I have a whole lifetime of relationships in the future.

It still hurts and will always hurt but the pain will be numbed one day. When I am in the same room as him, it feels like I cannot breathe. My chest starts to hurt, and my stomach gets that empty feeling in it. Nothing can make the feeling go away. The pain stays trapped inside your body. You can let all the tears, blood, and words flow but, in the end, it won’t help. The only thing that can help is time and ignoring that person.  

I have but haven’t mature since the breakup. It’s not been enough time, but I have come to realized what matters is that not every relationship will last. I thought mine would but then it crashed and burned. Live in the moment and spend time with the ones who have stuck by you through it all. Focus on yourself because in this life, that’s all that truly matters.

That is my advice.