It is easy to read words and phrases your eyes stagnate  on without the reflection of the mind. It is easy to assume. Too easy. It is ironic though, how many of us would agree to a critic aiming the wrongness of our world but would never assess or acknowledge humbly their own implications towards it. I could laugh at how wrong everything seems. And incidentally, people do laugh at how hurt I could be without anything triggering directly at me. Extraneous, is how they would immediately classify my case. I wonder if they do think over how they can affect  and if ever they believe their doing as right or wrong. It is tragic, I would say, that every so meaning is ignored and replaced with superficiality. My mother would put it as immaturity, maybe it is. But then, I would question what happens when the maturity is achieved and if mom’s perspective of maturity is right. We are all humans as a matter of fact, and teenagers are maybe more likely prone to mistakes, I admit, but questioning isn’t a mistake; I don’t even understand why adults despise it to immaturity when they themselves do not bother reflect on it. Like, why are people so restricted upon their thoughts? 
 
Today, I was questioning about love. Not the romantic cheesy, feel good kind of love but the real word love. I love my mother. Love exists in all forms, I’m in love with everyone, my parents, brother, best friends. But, love simply is not the same for everyone. I feel betrayed I guess, even If I haven’t appointed any decision which my parents would disagree upon but knowing that if the conditions are not met, they would reject me; that just does not make any sense.When rejected by ‘loved ones', they would say family would never leave. Maybe for some it is true, and I might envy those persons even if I try to be grateful for what I have.

I question the love my parents express towards me. It is the kind of imposed love, think over it, If I weren’t their kid, they wouldn’t love me. But that is the natural thing, I guess. But how far is that love truthful, and how far could it be even superficial? My family is strict upon culture and norms to a certain point.  And it is said that, true love loves but never expect anything in return, true love accepts and commits, true love never give up, true love never leaves. And yet, this is funny, that my ‘loved ones’  did not always respect that, and it is even funnier that mom always told me that she would always ‘love’ me. Today, we argued over the fact that she could not accept certain things like, if I were lesbian or if I chose to not marry at all or marry someone of another race or religion. I tried to not emote, I wanted to understand. I wonder what she thinks about what love meant. She ‘loves’ my father, they have a sane relationship with commitments, and that’s how it works right? And yet, If my father was of another ethical background, she would not  have loved him and that is exactly how she put it. Where is the love then? 

It’s messed up because I know that they do truly love each other, but it was primarily conditional, superficial. Like in most dramatic movies! My father would have remained the same person even if coming from a different community right ? Then why wouldn’t she love him? She said, she knew she wouldn’t feel accepted and adapt herself if that were the case and she wouldn’t even get involved. So, is that what love is all about? It seems triggering too much of self preservation first. About my case, she and neither my father would agree if I chose to be with someone of another ethical background. Their excuse is that those couples never work. And let us assume that yes! It is a mistake, but I still chose to stick by it!  Well, they would disinherit me. I imagine, I would be crossing the limits, I would no more be acceptable, they would no more be able to love and support me. Yeah … “true love commits, true love never leaves”. lovely right? They explain that society is built this way and that the ‘others’ are worse.  I would be a shame if I were lesbian, I once tried to pretend being one, and mom said she was betrayed, that I never learnt any of her values, that I am not normal. How long will society remain this way, and they seem to believe that it is right the way it is.

 I would question what wrongness does 'not normal' pertain, and the response would be it simply is wrong, not normal, not acceptable, without any real reason actually. It is funny that other people feel betrayed by how we truthfully are, and it is funnier how they never assess the possibility of considering and just give up. Is that what love is about? It is funny how people are all religious and believe in doing good and yet pointing others as wrong. What is right and what is wrong anyway? Why does mom lack such empathy? There are furthermore chances that I might not go against her ‘principles’ but knowing that if I did, they would give up, then it is as screwed up. It is fake.Maybe that kind of love does exist, but there should not be limits or restrictions or conditions. Love is free from short-mindedness. Why is there some kind of box to fit in? and why is that box better than anything else? Is it right to think that one is right and your neighbour is wrong based on whatever behaviours or faith? How sane is it all? 

When questioning as I do, people would find me lost, or vulnerable or immature. I do wonder if that is true though, and if it is, then what makes that of me any inferior and others any better. Many people would give up again, disagreeing, but why is there a need to disagree, and why isn’t there a need to understand instead? Some people might say they understand and they’ll judge anyway, they’ll assume and they’ll hurt and I wonder if they are conscious of that and still feel right. Sincerely, I think society lacks empathy, it lacks humanity.  There is little chance to stay truthful and accepted by everyone at the same time. Unconsciously, we all judge, envy, despise, deny, reject. And I try not to be angry, I will to understand everything and try to forgive everything.

 I don’t think I want to feel right or wrong but rather, I would like to feel true. It is hard to not conform and not accord with the mass of people and it is hard to feel when others do not feel back. The question is not to find out what is right or what is wrong, since rights and wrongs cannot becertified, it has been classified as such from a majority of likemindedness. And who said whatever is right or wrong, really is right or wrong? The question pertains rather on how are we going to accord and if we want to accord. It is to easy to conform, and suppress and say that we are happy when we do not know what it really is. It is too easy to be materialistic and work the way everyone does. To me, it seems like society grew us in labs as those modified plants and resulted us in behaving like droids. 

People say it is all natural, but I don’t agree. Now, is the time to wake up and stop impacting negatively, it is time to face our flaws and suppress our egos. Because we can, and we shall all be humans once again. Let us make life worth it, let us be humans!