I felt my phone vibrate. I was thrilled to see that I received a message from our “Captains” group message. This year was going to be my year. I had so many great ideas about how to improve the team. I was so excited to work with the other captains. When I opened the message, I realized someone had changed the group name to “Co-Captains and Captain. My captain had to make sure that I knew that I was beneath her, that she was in charge.

My junior year, I was Co-captain for the cheerleading team. The girl who was the head captain was terrified of confrontation. She could not even correct girls when they were making mistakes or ask someone to move out of our designated spots in the bleachers. Before the school year started, she started shutting down my ideas, saying that our moderators would not approve. I later learned that every idea I  suggested was never passed on to our coaches. I later learned that she did not tell the coaches any of my ideas because she did not want to do any extra work. She would lie to me about telling the moderators. She also felt no shame about throwing me under the bus when the moderators wanted to hold all of us responsible. I thought maybe I misinterpreted the text messages, that I read too much into them; but I learned that she was very aggressive over text message. None of my friends understood why I struggled to get along with her. They all thought she was so nice and it was so out of character for her to rude or submissive.  until one of my friends had a similar interaction with her over text. Many people are often too afraid to say things to your face but have no fear about texting you.

A couple of weeks ago, a stranger messaged me asking if I could meet up with her at a cheer competition. I told her that I had other plans and I would not be at that competition. I told her I could answer any questions she had, but I could not physically be there. After many messages, I finally realized that she wanted to meet the cheerleaders from my school who would be at the competition the following day. I told her that the competition cheerleaders were nice girls and she could talk to them. She told me that she did not want to go up to anyone she did not know. I was confused at this point: I was just as much of a stranger as the girls at the competition. What was the difference between me and the competition cheerleaders?

People feel so much more comfortable when they can text you rather than dealing with you in person. There is comfort in not having to respond to someone immediately or at all. When you send a message rather than speak to someone, you can think about your response rather than having to answer on the spot.

Texting and emailing make life easier, but can also cause people to hide behind a screen. People start lacking social skills or enough confidence to express their feelings in person.