As a kid I never felt a need to know Spanish. I constantly heard from my grandparents  that I needed to learn. I’d hear phrases here and there that I somewhat understood but I never thought that it would be useful to me. Around the age of five I had  frizzy, curly, long dark brown hair and it was always down and in my face. I’d play outside with my toys and you’d see my hair all crazy and out of control so one day my grandparents started calling me “changa'' then the rest of my family started to call me that. “Changa” was my first nickname and I didn’t even know what it meant til I was nine. As I got older It felt like Spanish was all around me and I’d hear it more from adult figures in my life that knowing Spanish is important to my ethnicity and will benefit me in the future.

I feel that I never even tried to learn it and I think it's because I was never taught to hold it to such higher standards. I valued other silly things in comparison like sports, clubs I was in, and began blaming it on time. I think my parents let go of the fantasy of me being fluent at the age of eight and had hoped that going to a new school would influence me to be more curious about my ethnicity and culture. In a way it did. It showed me the part of myself that I was ignoring.

I started to notice how different my upbringing was as a child, how little I knew about my ethnicity. I never questioned it either. I just blindly followed what everyone told me and that sort of began to shift my personality, shying me away from my authentic self. I became comfortable and complete with who I was when I should really be trying to be more curious and experience another part of me that I’ve never gotten to know. 

Maybe I’ve been scared to learn more about my ethnicity, maybe that’s why it's taken me to move to a new school and surround myself with new people to realize this. I’m realizing that limiting yourself to one thing just because you're comfortable isn't what life’s about. Now it's easier said than done. It’s harder for me to take the steps to branch out, to be more involved in learning about my ethnicity. To let go of the fear. 

Part of taking the steps to be more involved is beginning to be more curious and not hold back from it. Asking my family questions or to share anything that will help me learn and get more interested in my ethnicity. Listening to what they say and not just hearing them, I believe will compel me to start putting learning it to a higher standard where I'll make it a priority. To think that being at a new school sort of forced me to be more willingly and intrigued to learn about my culture is crazy but I’m grateful to be learning now rather than later.