The seat was warm under me. I felt the heat on my face and the sweat in my palms. My stomach twisted and the tension rose. I could feel pins and needles in my legs constantly. Throughout elementary school, reading and learning were hard. The taste of bitterness lingered in my mouth and I could feel the humidity in the air. I sought solitude, but I received no such peace. Repeatedly, my teacher asked, “Why are you taking so long?” Tears streamed down my face as I became more embarrassed. On a sheet of paper, my teacher expected me to write down an answer to a problem, but I didn’t know how to answer the problem and my teacher grew tired of waiting on me. After another horrid hour of struggling, she pointed at the board one final time and the answer to the problem finally occurred to me. My teacher found the assignment simple, yet I found it challenging. Due to my struggles, my parents held me back in kindergarten, but at the same time, God threw me forward because retaking kindergarten granted me access to engaging learning and teaching that would forever help me throughout my school career. My struggles in reading and learning served as blessings in disguise. For so long, I thought myself inferior and found myself embarrassed. I never wanted to share my setback with anybody because I never liked being older than everyone else; I was faced with many obstacles even when I already had very low self-esteem. When I wanted to give up, God told me to keep moving. Living with significant learning struggles as a child has convinced me of God's plan for me to persevere, and with every setback, God launches me forward.

A child’s school career begins in kindergarten, where he or she learns how to spell his or her name and draw within the lines, yet for me, God interned kindergarten to teach me so much more. He used kindergarten to prepare me for a launch forward and how to persevere through hard times. Kindergarten classrooms explode with color and decorations. The teachers possess kindness and patience. Kindergarten should be easy, but I found kindergarten as distressful. Constantly, I found learning in the classroom challenging and I always found myself getting into some form of trouble. At my elementary school, I agitated my teacher with my inability to understand the lessons. Learning vowels and how to add or subtract simply would not click for me. I would ask for help, but after a while of constantly seeking aid, my teacher’s patience waned. As a young child, I did not know how to explain my struggles, so I would revert to crying. The same scenario seemed to occur daily. My teacher would get frustrated with me and I would break down in tears. My teacher never seemed enthused with me and because of that, I thought little of myself. The school counselors contacted my parents, concerning my grades, and informed them that I had low academic levels due to immaturity. Therefore, my parents held back and forced me to retake kindergarten the following year with the same teacher. I was forced to step back; instead of walking forward, to the next grade, with the rest of my kindergarten class. The second year was no better. The teacher still expressed her nuisance and I still struggled to comprehend the knowledge. I did not know at the time that God was preparing me for a leap that would launch me higher than I ever thought imaginable. 

In my first-grade year, I attended a different school and had a different teacher who I found as the complete opposite of my kindergarten teacher. My first-grade teacher was sweet, compassionate, and patient. She took pride in my learning and helped me in any way she could; she listened to my mom’s concerns about my struggles. My teacher agreed that something lay beneath the surface of my learning struggles and suggested I be tested for dyslexia. I was properly diagnosed and my teacher started creating new learning strategies for me. God revealed an issue and allowed me to leap onto the path that led to success. To this very day, my first-grade teacher remains my favorite teacher. She impacted my life in a way that I will never forget. I believe the devil meant dyslexia to serve as a setback. Despite the overwhelming, God showed me how to leap forward. 

As a student with dyslexia, I am forced to take extra steps to ensure my success in school. From my first to my fifth-grade years, my mother drove me to a private reading tutor. My tutor was a very sweet lady and always made the lessons engaging for me. She taught me how to read properly, how to write in cursive, and how to multiply correctly. Through games and short activities, I learned effectively. Even when I became frustrated, she remained calm and patient with me. In her office, she and I sat on a comfy sofa and read. When I mispronounced a word or skipped a period, she stopped me and helped me read the word or sentence correctly. Even when I became annoyed, my tutor remained faithful, knowing I could do it. Sometimes, I found myself ahead of the regular class because of her tutoring. Through my tutor’s aid, I leaped ahead in class and learned how to overcome learning struggles. I attended sessions with her during the middle of the day, missing recess, or right after school. As a small child, I saw missing recess as a great sacrifice, but worth it. Since I left my tutor, I have applied what I learned throughout middle and high school. I have brought my grades to A’s and have participated in honors classes. God not only allowed me to learn academics efficiently through tutoring, but he also taught me spiritual maturity. With my tutor, I learned patience and perseverance. God taught me how to learn efficiently through disappointment. 

Throughout my school career, from elementary to high school, I have found myself angry for being held back, but I now understand that all the struggles through school and tutoring were worth the sacrifice. I improved my grades, but God taught me forgiveness and humility. I have learned to let go of all the bitterness I had towards my kindergarten teacher because I realized I had begun to fall into bondage; I have chosen to forgive her, and I have learned not to think of myself better than anybody else. God indeed turns what the enemy meant for malicious intent into goodness because, in the end, I realized that being retained in kindergarten and having dyslexia are not steps back; instead, they forced me to wait longer to prepare me for a great leap forward.