Why? Seriously, why? It's ridiculous, and I hate it. Argh. Bother someone else, please. Not me. I don't want it, don't want to feel it, care about it, nothing. I want out, an escape. Simplicity. None of this ridiculousness. I can't handle it. I'm not strong enough. Let me go, please. I'll pass.
Why is it necessary? Can't someone else do it? Someone whole? Someone better able to contend with each little piece, and the big picture. I can barely see past the nose on my face. Don't do this to me. Don't ask me for this. Let me bury my head, let me run and hide. I promise not to feel ashamed. Really, I swear. I'll forget, pretend it never happened. Pretend nothing. Be nothing. Just sink, down down down down down. Gone. None of this floating about, neither here nor there. Ridiculous.
Why me? I didn't ask for this. Leave me alone. I'm better this way. Just like the rest. Not good. Too much effort. Too much caring, too much hurt because no one else does. It hurts, can't you see that? But you still ask me for this. This, that, the other thing. Everything. Not me. There's no more, nothing left. They killed it. Can't you f***ing see this?! I hate this, hate you sometimes! I don't want what you want! Don't want to go through what you keep asking!
Please. Give up on me.