Why do I want to throw stuff at my mirror, just to hear it shatter? Why do I hiss at every man in sight, even in public, out in broad daylight?


4 boyfriends so far, 1 cheated on me, and the rest were OK. No!
What am I saying? The first one was the best I will ever have. I miss him. I miss having a simple conversation with him. I hate to to admit it, but I don't want to give up on finding "the one" for me, but it seems to be the only choice I have left anymore. I don't want my heart broken anymore than it already is. I'm still broken inside, wither I want to admit it to anyone or not. Am I going to start hating life?
Perhaps even lose my friends for my new bond behavior?

I don't want to look for him. He does NOT exist!!!! Yet my heart yearns for that everlasting love that I will never have. And even more so, I still take those silly quizzes that say where my future husband is....what guy will fall for me...when I will met THE ONE.


None of it is real. None of this matters. I want no one to feel like I NEED someone to hold onto and say "You'll find him. He's probably been under your nose this entire time." Yeah right. He just does not exist. He's like air, you can't see him, but he is indeed out there. But he doesn't exist. DOES NOT EXIST!

HE WILL NEVER EXIST AND THAT IS THAT!



So why do I cry every night, fall asleep thinking about what he would look like, where we would first meet, how our story would begin and how it would end, and if I can hold him during those scary movies I love to watch all the time?