Waking up, taking deep breaths, I reached over to look at the clock. It was three o'clock in the morning. I slowly began to calm down and soon drifted back to sleep, only to be haunted by a memory and guilt I have held for two years now.




"Drop dead" then the phone clicked is where it all began again. Stephan was my favorite cousin of all. Every weekend we would hang out together. Adventuring every where from the movies to the arcade. He and I only being a couple of years apart, were inseparable and never allowed age to become a matter. It was April twenty-second around four p.m. I could tell because I glanced outside and it was growing dark. Stephan and I were in an heated argument. It started out over a basketball game which took place prior to that day. As words began to fly, some went a little too far. When the phone clicked in my ear, I realized what I had just said. I hurriedly dialed his number, only to be disappointed by his answering machine.




The next day I called Stephan to clear things up between us two. As I patiently waited for him to answer, so many thoughts ran through my mind. Filled with great emotion, I apologized and asked him to come over the upcoming weekend. First the response was a long silent pause. I grew anxious. It was followed by an acceptance of my apology and a yes to my plans. We talked for a while longer then ended the call. A couple of days passed and before I knew it, it was Thursday. I hadn't heard from Stephan, so I decided to give him a call.




While talking we made Saturday our day. All the plans were concrete. During the course of our conversation, I learned of Stephan and gang activity. He had just been turned "BLOOD" and some guys had it out for him. I cried and told him to be careful, and inform his mother of the trouble he was in. Friday went by and half of Saturday. Upset I went on a rampage. "Oh he's going to blow me off" "ok, I hope he gets hit by a car" "I wish he would die". I went to take a nap, waiting for his arrival. That was two years ago and I still await it.





I awoke from the dream again, taking deep breaths, feeling guilty all over for what I had said. I began to sob. Sometimes your choice of words could mean a lot. Your silence can cause great effects. You have to be careful of what you wish for. If you know someone is in trouble don’t be silent. Everyday people argue and fight. People silently cry out for help, but its ignored. Those words you chose to say maybe the last you will ever say to or about the person. The silence you chose to remain may be your last time to speak up. Value the people in your life and the opportunities you are given. For you may never know if it will be your last. Too bad I had to find out the hard way.