Why is it so hard to let go? To move on and start with something new. They say you will always have feelings for your first love. But I know it's not supposed to feel like this. I'm not blaming him. I'm not saying him shattering my heart and me still loving him hopelessly with all the pieces is your fault. Or maybe I am. I feel that it is, but I know I am partly to blame.

I can't help but hold on to the past.To hold on to every good memory. Even when the bad ones the ones I'm painfully reminded of every time I hear your name burn their way deep into my heart,I still love you.But there are times when it gets worse. When you hug me and I'm in your warm embrace I feel on top of the world. You call me you beautiful and we talk about a future together. My heart and soul fill with joy and content and my mind and body lust for you. I don't have a care in the world and a lie slips past your lips a lie you have told me oh so many times but I accept it. I cherish it, welcoming the sound of the phrase. "I love you to" I smile. But you see the difference is that I mean it

For love it is not deceitful. So you do not love me. You love this game. This game you play so very well. Where I am the puppet and your the puppet master. You know all the right things to say and I foolishly believe them. So yes I guess I am more than just partly to blame. I'll split the blame 50/50. Because I am not naive. I know your game and I take part in it. In your little puppet show. I believe your lies and let you hold me tight. But I know within a few days or a week or so you will have moved on. Found some one new. Then I will sit here at the bottom of the lowest point of my world, broken, still loving you. My heart full of sorrow and discontent and my eyes spilling waterfalls of endless tears. And I'll know in my heart and my mind that you don't really care. You're just using me.

But I won't get over you. I'll hold onto the good memories. You will come back a few months maybe a year later and once again I will be ready to have you break my heart. I will be ready to be in your puppet show once again, hopelessly loving you with my shattered heart. Hoping that maybe this time it will be different that you will stay. Deep down I know you won't, But I will be here waiting for you.