The Road to Recovery

by Jennifer F., Bellingham, MA One minute I was sitting in the passenger seat of my car, and the next, a strange man was shaking me and yelling, "Are you alright?" I was extremely disoriented. I looked straight ahead and saw a telephone pole embedded in the hood of my car. I thought I was dreaming. I hoped I was. All I could say was, "My father is going to kill me." I leaned out the door of my car and started to vomit. I saw my friend Adam, the driver, in the middle of the street screaming, "Oh my God, I killed her!" He did not know I had regained consciousness and thought I was dead.

Throughout this whole ordeal I never realized the hospital might test my blood. It never even crossed my mind until our family therapy session. I thought it would be a normal, hour-long session, but it wasn't. I was sitting in Dr. Blaisdell's office with both of my parents. My mother blurted out that the hospital had called and said they found five foreign substances in my blood. This was my worst nightmare come true. I knew my parents would overreact and put me in detox. I knew I did not belong there because I did not have a drug problem. Or so I thought.

My premonition was right. I was placed in NORCAP, an in-patient detox facility. When I arrived I went straight to one of the many required meetings. I felt very alone and scared. Everyone there seemed to be friends, and I had nobody. I remember sitting in the Friends of NORCAP meeting, asking myself why I was stuck in detox with a bunch of crackheads and junkies. I was so different; they were addicts and I was not.

I was one of the first to arrive to the next meeting. I sat in a corner. Then a boy about my age sat next to me. He introduced himself as Kevin. I spent the rest of my stay with him. He became a good friend. The days were filled with meetings, from eight in the morning until eleven at night, with a half-hour break between each meeting. They ranged from Friends of NORCAP, to drug awareness, and AA. Some were not bad, others were long and boring. I just kept telling myself, Jen, just a few more days. Let them think you are okay. Then you can get out of here and return to your old ways. That was not the case.

After leaving the program, I was not allowed anywhere. My parents figured I would just go back to using. I knew I would too, but that is what I wanted. I sat in my house for a month with nothing to do.

Detox started the process of cleaning out my system. The experience made my parents realize I was headed down the wrong path. Locking me in the house was the best thing they did for me. The need to do drugs slowly faded. I have now been clean for over two months. My parents are starting to trust me again. It was only three weeks ago that I realized I had a problem. I was ruining my life, not to mention those around me. I am now in an out-patient drug program that I attend twice a week. With the help I receive, I know that if I want to, I can stop doing drugs forever.