Why Do I? | Teen Ink

Why Do I?

February 5, 2008
By Anonymous

A flash of light hits my eye as I'm driving home from a game. Headlights.
Is it him?
I shake my head trying to throw those thoughts out.
I'm over him. I can’t keep thinking about him like this.
The lights get brighter as the car approaches and turns. A beat up GMC catches my sight out of the side window.
Dammit. Why am I disappointed? I don’t like him anymore.
The car passes me and I start to think about the next day. Away game.
Will he be there? Why does my mind keep going back to him?
I flip the switch on the radio and music fills my car. I begin to sing along with the catchy tune and soon I am in fantasy land.

Going fast is my specialty so I speed up. Sixty, seventy, eighty, the car starts to shake, ninety;
if I crash will he stop to see if I'm hurt?
I slow down and get comfortable in my seat so I have a good, full view of the road in front of me. Going the speed limit, I reach to put the rear-mirror into focus again. An earlier view comes back. Headlights. This time I am coming up to a stop sign where I turn left. I look at the lights behind me and unconsciously hope it’s him.
Is he coming to my house to say yes? Oh, please say yes.
Wait I'm over him why do I keep thinking of him?
I have a guy that likes me but I'm still in love with the one I can’t have.
I stop at the sign and make my turn but keep glancing in my mirror to see which way the headlights go. Habit I guess. I see a small blue car take its turn the opposite way.
Oh my god, that was him.
I start to feel a fit of mixed emotions in my heart as I watch the car pull away. The most prominent feeling was a deep pain within my heart.
I guess I'm not over you.
With my whisper I fog up the headlight-filled mirror and slowly drive home.

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