As you stood by your car, you watched me begin my journey to my front door. You watched as my converses-cladded feet carried me, steeping on the fallen leaves in the grass. That is all you could do, was watch, and fight the urge to follow. As the distance continued to get greater, so did the inclination.
It tore at your heartstrings; toyed with the cherished memories contained in your already fragile mind. Nevertheless, you continued to stand at your door with a smile, hiding the gruesome pain as if you just stabbed in the heart. Only, the pain you felt was a hundred times worse than what it should have felt. Could it be fear that caused you to feel this way? Or was love to blame, as tears brimmed your blue eyes and your throat constricted.
Memories of tea parties, birthdays, nights I slept with you in your room brought back nostalgia coveted. The one memory that played continuously, though, was the one you try to hold onto the most. After watching Daddy ride away with Abuelo, you had come to realize you had to take his place. Now, you stood where he should be standing; fighting back the tears and pain, he should be feeling.
I was not even on the stairs, only five feet in front of you, when I turned back and fell into tears in your arms. I, your baby sister and five years your junior, could not say goodbye either.
Yet, how could I? We both were so used to living down the hall from each other and you were there when Daddy could not be. You were always there, and ready to help when you could. Daddy may be your hero or role model, but you are mine. You are my hero; you are my role model, mentor and friend. Yes, there were days where we screamed bloody murder at each other. Yes, there were days we had fistfights. What siblings do not have those days, where they are like that, though?
Once the tears stopped, and we both regained composure, you gave me one final hug before watching me make my way to my front door again. The pain was still there, eating at you from the inside, but you still smiled. Even when I climbed the stairs gingerly, you remained grinning softly.
Before entering the foyer of the apartment building, I gave you a dismal wave while telling you that I love you, Carlos. And as the door closed behind me, you gave a response in return.
“I love you too, Jessie. But it’s your time to shine now.”