Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down | Teen Ink

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

August 10, 2010
By Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
17 articles 2 photos 9 comments

I used to be a dreamer. One of those girls who dreamed about true love and a white dress. Then you came along. For awhile, you made those beliefs true. You made me feel like a princess. I had never heard the sweet nothings you whispered in my ear. I melted as I wrongly took the hungry look in your eyes for something more. You swept me off my feet and onto the back of your white stead.
Then I fell. And you let me, just watching as I crashed to the ground. That blank, puppy dog stare tearing into me until all I wanted to do was scream.
I'd never felt anything like it. Heartbreak, they call it. I guess that's the right word. Every love song was like a dagger to the back, every memory like a stab to the gut. I felt ashamed, and scared and lonely, and as if I'd lost all hope. And I couldn't shake it. There was fire with you. It burned. But it wasn't painful, it didn't hurt until the end.
The hardest part is you weren't ever actually mean to me. Sure, when it came down to it, you weren't there. You didn't become the friend, the shoulder I needed to cry on when the reality of life—and death, came crashing down on me. And you lied. Little white lies that kept adding up. But up until the end, you were never cruel.
I guess you became like an addiction. You took me over and made me into someone I didn't know. I crave you like an addict craves their drug of choice. The withdrawal is hell. It plays tricks with me. Maybe, maybe just one time, and I'll feel good again. But I know better than that. You're no good for me, and you'll only ravage my body until there's nothing left.
I feel drained. I gave you so much. My love, my heart. Only it no longer feels like it was willingly given to you. It feels like it was torn from my chest, rigged and bloody, and it's crumbling to ash in your hands.
I have to be a phoenix. I have to rise from the smoldering ashes you've left me in. This is like a passage into life. The thing that tears you down and makes you realize that all those fairy tales lied. There is no no prince charming. No knight on a white horse. You have to save yourself. There's no one to catch you when you fall. No one to keep you stable, but you. You have to keep yourself standing. No one else can do that. No one else will do that. We're all alone.

And we all fall down.

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