7th grade. A big turning point in your life. The moment when you are at the top of the pyramid and then soon fall back to the bottom to start over in high school. The point in time when you start really developing feelings for another person and it seems really weird for you.

This year was my year of “dating” a lot of boys for about two weeks and then off with them. But when it came down to this one boy it was hard for me to let go.

His name was Daniel. I had always had a little crush on him since kindergarten. The crush grew as we got older. He developed into a very attractive boy and man did I want to be considered his girlfriend. Most nights we would talk on gmail chat as friends and joking around. But as we talk more and more we started to show our feelings for each other. One night he was on video chat, but I wasn’t because I did not have a camera at that time.

He was making me laugh so hard I said, “hahahha ok stop ur making me cry from laughing too hard but I will never hate u never.”
 He said, “yay.”

 Myself being a little assertive in 7th grade I said, “yay now u have to say something nice.”
 
“Your pretty”

“Oh thx.”

 Catching me by surprise he said, “I like you.”
 
“That means a lot to me. Well i like u too.”

Our conversations hit it off. This is the moment I knew he really liked me. We continued the conversation and it was great. At one point I told him our moms talked about him liking me in 5th and 6th grade and that now I knew he did in 7th. So I asked if he really did like me the past two years and he said yes. The next thing I say is, “Ok just wondering. Soooo….” Following my words out came the question from him, “so do you want to go out?” Of course I agreed! But he had to promise to be himself and to talk to me at school. He agreed and after that moment I felt amazing.

Although we were in different classes it did not stop us talking to each other or doing to the casual smile in the hallway. I knew it would never get old. Lunch with him was so fun. His friends Joseph and Jose sat on both sides of him on one side of the table, while my friends Maddi and Shea sat on either side of me. The three of those boys together could make you laugh hysterically. One of the funniest moments I experienced sitting across from Daniel is that one day we were all laughing and joking around, when Daniel took a sip of milk and he laughed so hard that milk came out of his nose. He was so embarrassed because he did that right in front of his girlfriend, but I did not care. It was a moment I would never forget.

Moving on to a St. Paul’s Friday night game. I was to perform on the field with the golden blues. No one knew about it except a few of my friends until I accidently talk about it too loudly, when a bunch of guys over heard me and started to tell everyone to go to the game to see me. I kept telling them there was no need for them to come, they insisted especially Daniel. They were teasing me about making signs and yelling my name and I thought they were kidding. Let’s just say I was completely wrong. That night I saw them in the stands cheering my name and holding up a sign saying “Lindsey Burns.” Awkward because the guys spelled my name wrong. But I thought it was really funny. After the performance I went up to all of them and hugged them. I saved the best for last. I hugged Daniel and it felt comforting. We sat down and started to watch the game. We sat close to each other, but had a little gap between the two of us. He put his arm my shoulders and I felt a tad bit embarrassed as everyone passed us and made “ooooo” sounds. One girl took a picture and I have kept that picture ever since that day.

At that game I got worried because people were coming up to me saying Daniel is going to kiss you. I got so nervous and had a hard time going back to find him. After the game ended I don’t even think I went to say bye to him. This is when things for started to get a little shaky. I started acting really weird and acting like I did not want to talk or even look at him. I never kissed anyone and I knew I could not even attempt to.

One week we had a field trip to Fairview State Park and I knew in my mind that would be the place I would break up with Daniel. The day was beautiful, the wind blowing, the amazing river in sight, and the view of my Daniel standing out in the sun glowing. Seeing him made it so hard for me to do it person. I ended up walking up to him and calling him over to the side. I told him it was not working and that we should just be friends. I could see the sadness in his eyes. He did not want to let me go and I did not want to let him go. I had no reason to break up with him. We hugged tightly and parted ways as just friends. Days after I knew what I did was a huge mistake and that I should have just talked to Daniel about the problems that were going on in my head. I was such a jerk and he did not deserve someone like me. It was hard seeing him every day at school because I still had such strong feelings for him.

I have never let go of my past with him and I doubt I will be able to. I always imagine what it would have been like if we continued our relationship, if we took it really far. I guess I will never know. But I still have feelings for him in the back of my mind and it would be very hard to dispose of them.