My life is not the same as it used to be. I am still the same person, but have completely changed who I am, my attitude, and my thoughts. I can't even believe in who the person I've now become, I don't even recognize him. What happened to me, is something I would have never expected to happen. I found Jesus recently, and it was the most amazing thing that has happened in my life. Before that happened I walked far away from God.

I was born in South Korea, which is not a common known area for Christians to live. My parents were not Christians (and still not Christians), and any of my other family were not Christians too. I did not even care about any religion, and everything that was said about the gospel to me sounded stupid. One day I made a decision to come to America and my parents surprisingly agreed with me. I came to a Christian school, and  did not like it at all, because they were talking about God in every class. History, English, and even science. I especially did not like that they forced me to read the Bible, telling me to be a Christian, and I had to take so many tests about God that I didn't even want to do.

One day, in September of 2012, I got a call from my only best friend in Korea, and she started telling me she was very sick and she had to go to the doctor. Two weeks later, I got another phone call from her and it was not good news so much that it made me not want to pick up my phone ever again. She told me she had cancer and she was already in the third and half stage. I did not believe her, nor could I believe her, and I did not want to believe what she just told me. She started to explain what was going on, but tears were already coming out of my eyes. I could not stop crying , and she started to cry so she could not finish telling me her story, so I told her just text me, because I knew if I see or hear her voice I would cry. She told me she has cancer called malignant lymphoma in her body, and it started from her throat and now it is all over her body. When I read that text I could not believe what was going on at all, actually I just did not want to believe it.  I wished it was all just one bad dream, or just one sad movie that I had watched. I was completely denying reality, but when I saw the clock hands ticking I had to believe the reality. A few weeks later, she called me again, and I was afraid to pick up my phone again, because I knew it is not going to be a good call. I picked up the phone, and she told she was getting chemotherapy. It made me feel little better because there was a way to heal her body so I was hoping that she would get better quickly so I could see her, and hang out and talk like we used to do. My hope did not last very long because she called me on Skype two weeks later, I saw her face, and that face was not the face that I knew, it was a completely different person. I was so shocked, half of her hair was gone and her skin was very white, and it made me cry again. Next time when she called grabbed tissues because I knew I would cry. There is something happened to me, and I never thought about, and never expected about. Little later I had a chance to talk to my parents, and they told me about what the doctor said about her, and they said he said she does not have a long time, chemotherapy was not working for her, because she was only 15, her immunity was not strong enough to handle her illness. Right after I hung up with my parents, I called her and she seemed like she already knew what was going on, she start telling me she liked it that way, because she hated chemotherapy and being trapped in the hospital. She knew that it was already happening and she was already kind of getting ready. When I heard that my heart was broken in a million pieces, I was so sad that a 15 year old little girl was getting ready to die.

She passed away February 26, 2013. When I heard the news I could not move, think, or talk. After I hung up, I was staring at one spot for a long time. First emotion that I felt was sadness, and after that it was anger. I was sad first and that turned into fear, then I started getting angry at God and blaming him for everything that happened. I said so many bad words in two different languages. I was not happy about anything for a long time. I went to school and I was in bible at auditorium and everything that they were talking about it just made me angry, in my mind I was saying “ There is no God” because of what had just happened to me, nothing made sense to me. I walked completely away from God. A year later, I heard bad news from my family, and I started  blaming God, and I started thinking “Why me, why me?”. I hated to see people that I loved  struggling with things that they did not deserve.

I had a friend that was a Christian, and he invited me to go to youth group, because his dad was a pastor, and I knew him and I wanted to hang out with him, that's why I went to youth group.

It was fun, I got to go out to eat dinner with my friends, that's the main reason why I went. One day they invited to me to come to Sunday morning church with them and grab lunch after, so I said yes. I walked into the church and I got shocked, because so many people were raising their hands, jumping, dancing, singing, and I started laughing. I sat down and listened to the pastor’s sermon but I only understood 30 percent of it. I did not stop going to church because I liked going out with my friends after church. One day I was surprised that I had been going to church for two years. At the same time I remembered how much I hated God, but I still didn't understand why I didn't stop going to church. A little while later, I was getting ready to go to church, and I started thinking “What am I doing right now?”. I said to myself “Remember what happened to you?”, but I was still getting ready for church. I think my heart wanted to go to church but my head was telling me not to. I had been debating that for a long time.

I started thinking more, why do I have to be a Christian?,  why do people want me to be aChristian. I was thinking so long and deeply. I started think what did I do when all of these bad things happened, what did I do at that time? My answer was I prayed, at that time I thought I was just hoping but I was calling God’s name and telling him “ please help my friend”, “ help my parents”. I did not know I was praying but I was, and I started thinking, “maybe this is how we were created” when your heart is broken, when all the feelings in your heart hit the ground, when you can not do anything, something deep inside of your heart is calling God’s name. I know my heart didn't lie, I knew that was all true. I went to church and it was a new year, and my pastor called a new years 21 day fast, and I wanted to do it. I ate only salads, and little bit of chicken breast. First week of fasting Sunday morning at church, I was standing, raising my hands and worshipping, and praying. I felt something in my heart, and tears just came out, and I got so shocked, so I set down and started laughing, because I just felt something I never felt before, and I knew it was God. I remembered when people told me about they heard God’s voice before, I started to laugh at them, and I asked them how did it sound like and they told me they could not explain it to me. Now I understand why they could not explain it because it was just so special, and a voice that you never heard before. I could not tell how was that feeling in my heart , but I could not explain to anyone because I have not ever felt that before. I wished that I could explain it so that everyone could be a Christian but I can not.

I now consider myself to be a Christian, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for us, God is alive. Now I wanted to get baptized but first thing came up in my head was “can I get baptized? I mean I did all these awful things to Him, can I really get baptized?”, one of my pastors told me there was a Bible story that connected with my situation. I heard the story that he told, I realized that God is always ready to us to be back home. I might have made wrong decisions, I might doubt Him, I could do that because I had freedom that He gave us, and God loves us always, He is always to welcoming to us. Now I am ready to get baptized, I am still waiting to get baptized.

After I became a Christian everything changed. I started to see the big picture like how God sees us. When my friend died I was really sad, now I see the big picture, she and I were best friends for 15 years since  we were born. I had all of that time with her, and all the memories that I can not even buy. I know a lot of people that don't have the friendship that I had. I am still sad I can not share this with her right now, but I am also thankful that God that gave me all of these opportunities to have good memories with her.