September 18, 6:15 a.m., I tiredly drag myself out of bed. At 6:20 a.m. I wash my face and brush my teeth. At 6:25 a.m., your distinct voice is in my head. Every bone and muscle in my body tries to resist you. Tightly closing my eyes and and clenching my first so hard I’m imprinting crescent moons into my hand, I whisper, “Don’t listen to her, don’t listen to her, whatever you do DON’T listen to her.” At 6:30 a.m. I stiffly stare at myself in the mirror and listen to your despicable words. “Are you really thinking about wearing that? Do you really think all that makeup is going to make you look better? If I were you, I would not even bother trying.” The surface of my eyes begin to glisten as my vision gets blurry. I feel the tears fall down my cheek. At 6:55 a.m. I am out the door, and on my way to school. I arrive at 7:15 a.m.

With my backpack weighing down my shoulders, millions of thoughts rush through my head. Every step I take, my heart skips a beat. The feeling of anxiety consumes me. It’s 7:45 a.m., and your faint voice whispers in my ear, “You can’t talk to that person, they’ll think you’re weird. I can’t believe you actually wore that, Oh, and that History test you have today? You’ll probably fail.” I try to brush you off, but your voice replays over and over. My breaths begin to shorten as I listen to you. Why do you do this to me? Why are you always in my head? Go away, just go away! But nothing makes your irrelevant comments vanish. Do you see what you do to me?

Everyday you show up, but school is the worst. You show up during the worst times. Walking down the crowded halls, you absorb every good thought in my head. My posture becomes to droop as I feel alone and lost. My legs begin to shake with fear. I want to run, but I am a minnow in a sea full of sharks. At 12:04 a.m.- I look to my left, and see my friends laughing and smiling. I look to my right and droopy eye students yawn from the exhaustion of school. Then there is me, all alone, with you. No one can hear my cry for help, except you, but you love this. You feed on every bit of anxiety I have. This is your energy, and you will do everything to get more.

I am not one to hate, but man, do I really dislike you. Why me? Why did you have to choose me? The day you came into my life, everything changed. I wasn’t ever like this. Every day since you appeared, I overthink every little detail. I fear foolish things. I stop myself from being the real me. I never asked for you. I never asked for your presence, but you came anyway. How can we be the same person? You have a crow’s face, permanently twisted into a cruel smirk. Your eyes are the color of the blackest depths of a soul. I like to believe you have some compassion, but your demeanor makes it a futile endeavor. You observe my every movement, and you never leave a judgement unspoken. You laugh when I am upset, and whine when I am happy. You grasp every inch of innocence in my eyes.

At 3:00 p.m., we arrive home, but this, this is where it ends. I do not need you. You do not make my life better. You hold me back. I am going to be extraordinary without you. I am setting you free and never looking back. You have taken more than three hundred sixty-five days of my life, and today is where it ends. You have changed me forever.

September 19, 6:25 a.m., I wake up but you are still here.