I got a text from my family from the vacation we went on.  It was a picture. A picture of someone who was losing something.  Sitting confused in a wheelchair, his pride restricted by boots that were strapped to the chair.  His personality fleeing from the scene in desperation to stay alive. Someone so very important; He sits uncomfortable, and waits for the flash.  Click, Click, send. It's in the family chat. I saw it and felt it all. The restriction, the sadness, the confusion. I felt all of it. I shut off my phone and continue my day.  I didn't know that trip,that picture would be the last. He was gone. Then I felt it too, and then I was gone. For a long time Almost forever it feels. Not knowing what to do, Not knowing what to say,   I stay silent, and do nothing but the norm. I'm just there. Going through the motions. Trying to make it seem all ok. The nights are the worst. Getting lost in a sea of thoughts. Drowning. Like ships lost at sea.  In a battle with each other. Good versus bad. Only one will win. Bad thoughts hitting the good thoughts like a bowling ball hitting bowling pins; strike. The nights go from closing my eyes and waking up to closing my eyes and leaving them closed.  That way always seemed easier. Not that I wanted to, but that it was the easiest to do. To lay down and think, to pretend, to imagine. It all being different, but it wasn’t. He was gone.