I look down at the small gold lego man keychain hanging on the shelf and the memories flood back. The bright lights, the stress, and the constant feeling of wanting to give up take over my mind. The constant fear of being made fun of and teased for the role I had to play for dance never left my head. I think about how silly it was that this one small $7.00 keychain can bring back so many emotions that now seem so far in the past. As I stood in the middle of the Lego store located in Chicago I thought this was definitely a purchase I had to make. To remind myself of what I thought was going to be the biggest stress of my life that actually turned out to not be so bad. Now every time I look down at my lanyard I will think of my mom constantly encouraging me at every competition. And every time others see it I will have the story to tell about the time I became C3P0. 

 Months previously, this was the moment I thought I had been waiting for the last 9 years. I was cast as a main character in the production. Every year I had always been in the background but this year it was going to the best yet. My eyes filled with excitement when I saw my name on that white piece of paper hung on the colorful bulletin board. My eyes scanned over to see what character I was playing and suddenly my heart dropped. I was going to play the gold, clunky, metal robot from Star Wars. A small piece of me still held onto the hope that it wouldn’t be that bad. I hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t be that bad but boy was I wrong. When I showed up to my first Star Wars practice I knew I was 100% correct. This year was not going to be what I hoped but I was still going to do my best.           

After lots of dance practices, costume shopping, and picking out the right shoe color it was time for me to take on my role as C3P0. The day I saw what my costume looked like and the dance moves I would have to be doing in front of hundreds of people was when I knew for sure this was not going to be good. Having the stress of having to do this on my shoulders was really going to affect me for months. At school, all I could think about was the upcoming competitions and what would go down. What people from school would be there? Who was going to see me in this costume? What would my previous teacher say? All of these thoughts were constantly swirling around in my head.

“Nobody will know it is you. Nobody will know it is you. Nobody will know it is you” my mom told me a thousand times that day. I looked at my mom with her brown hair in a ponytail and a smile on her face as she told me how cute I look in my big, gold, ugly costume. Her camera was immediately out and she took thousands of pictures of me to lock in the memory of this tragic day forever. The day I told her I would be playing this role she was excited until she saw how much I hated it. She consistently told me it would be over soon and told me I was going to be the best C3P0 out there. At the time I didn’t think of that as much of a compliment but looking back I am grateful for her words. Throughout the next 8 months, my mom constantly told me everything would be okay. At the time I didn’t believe her but now looking back she was right and (usually) is. 

I looked around at the black stage covered in glitter and feathers from previous acts and costumes. I could hear everyone talking about which side of the stage we have to start on and where all the props needed to be located. All I can feel is fear and the freezing cold breeze of the air conditioner running throughout the theatre. I peak out of the curtain and see the hundreds of people and the panel of judges sitting and waiting for us to start the performance. I start panicking and thinking to my self which door can I escape out of the fastest. I look around trying to get a good idea of where everything is on the stage so I don’t bump into anything. My dance teachers see me looking stressed and tell me I am going to do great. With the words of encouragement I have received I finally feel like I am ready.

The announcer finally says the words I had been dreading it is time to go on. The audience starts applauding and getting excited. As I silently panic in my golden mask that I can barely see my own feet in I get into my spot. The Star Wars theme song starts to play over the speakers and my worst nightmare begins coming true. Millions of thoughts start going through my head I can feel thousands of eyes burning into my crazy costume. There is no turning back now I have to do this. I step out onto the stage and immediately people start cheering excitedly I start smiling and realizing this isn’t going to be so bad. I got through the dance swifty making only one mistake that nobody really noticed and felt way better about the whole situation.

I ended up stepping out onto a stage in that costume multiple times that dance season. At first, I assumed this would ruin my life and I would carry this embarrassment with me forever; instead, all I carry is a small keychain. Every time I look down I am reminded of the memories and experiences of the time I overcame my fears. I learned from this experience that is it okay to get out of your comfort zone because you get new experiences. I also learned that the memories you make in high school are some of the most important ones in life.  Although I probably would never do it again I am happy to say that I got to play C3P0 for a year. It was a good learning experience and next time I am handed a role similar to this I will remember it is not the end of the world.